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  1. #221

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    I would say I am mostly a "beach bum" type of person but I think that is because I don't like stress at all. It hurts too much so I tend to avoid it.

    But when life gets stressful, like it is now, I definitely tense up alot and the muscles get tight.

  2. #222
    To the top of the world arcticangel02's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by findthejake View Post
    I would say I am mostly a "beach bum" type of person but I think that is because I don't like stress at all. It hurts too much so I tend to avoid it.

    But when life gets stressful, like it is now, I definitely tense up alot and the muscles get tight.
    See, I dunno. I don't seem to even get stressed. The worst I get is a sort of queasy/butterflies feeling. (I think. I am not often in truly stressful situations, either, so perhaps I just haven't recognised that in myself.)

    *shrugs, and offers a de-stress massage?*

  3. #223
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Default Confidence & Queasiness

    Confidence is both how others read you and how you feel internally. As long as others think we are confident, for all intensive purpose we really "are" confident. Everyone has their shortcomings and 'pain points' that others may not readily see and even the most confident people lack confidence in certain areas. That's why you have life coaches and achievement coaches and corporate excellence seminars. Some people are really confident about their abilities at work but totally not confidence talking to the opposite sex or on the dance floor, some people are confident workign with their hands, etc.

    ENFPs are pretty confident dealing with other people and are orientated to want to BE with and recognized and help the world -- and generally that's the standard definition of 'confidence'

    I think with ENFPs we have high internal standards and hang our hats on how beat ourselves up about how RIGHT we feel with ourselves, which is something that no matter how much people say they like and appreciate us, it's an internal thing that we have to deal with. So internally, we'll always have these insecure points, but that doesnt' necessarily mean that we're not "confident". We're just not nearly as confident as others read us or tell us we should be.

    And for my 2 cents, even though I did list a lot of inner neuroses and fears that I have that I'm not being authentic or meeting expectations -- I'm actually quite confident about being myself, succeeding, and being with the world. I absolutely no problems being aggro and ridiculous and having people openly and quitely energeticaly disagree with me. Some of it is natural, I love arguing a point and being totally objective I rarely takes things personally. Some of it though is NOT a ''natural" state of being -- I was a huge huge mess in adolescence and even my family admits I should have been on medication (I really thikn I needed good cognitive therapy) but they're so old school it would have been 'shaming' to get me help (BTW, thanks mom and dad).

    So my confidence in adulthood comes from many years of hard, hard, hard work, lots of painfully embarassing humiliating dark dark episodes and YEARS of repetitive working through fears to get over myself. And also desensitization -- b/c after X years trying to make the best impression on people you realize sometimes you can't really do much about people not liking you and it's not nearly as devastating as you first thought and you are too busy enjoying life to have it register. I don't like to think I 'failed' but succeeded in acknowleding reality adjusting myself accordingly to be successful. Because if you bang your head against a wall for long enough you realize a) the wall is always going to be there and b) it's always going to hurt to bang your head and most importantly c) your goal is NOT to make yourself like hitting your head against the wall, it is something else entirely and your mistake was losing sight of that and confusing it with hitting yourself against the wall. Then you take up a new hobby and find much happiness.

    Doing the internal work alone has given me immense confidence. I've picked myself up so many times and made myself grit my teeth and do things I really did not want to do i.e. expose my naked raw screaming self to world to the point I would hyperventilate and I came out in the end a much better, stronger, and happier person.

    It's like going on the most grueling diet to come out 20 pounds lighter at the other end. It's the fact you succesfully disciplined yourself (the investment) and not necessarily the weight loss (the side effect/pay off) which makes you confident. So now even as I'm gaining some weight back, I know I can and will take it off again when I need to so it doesn't bother me. With anxiety and lack of/confidence, the crux is if you don't care if you have it or not, then you will NOT have anxiety and you WILL have confidence. Repetition really helps a lot and getting to the point where at the beginning of an undertaking you say "Oh yeah, been here done that, I know I only average 80/100 but hey it's still 80/100 in the bag I know exactly what I'm doing so let's do it" and you're in your confident zone and with a little extra effort you can push yourself to be a little better and shine a little brighter each time.

    Does that make sense?

    Random thought - ENFPs are possibly the most laid-back neurotics out there. I'm incredibly laid back and regularly get tight shoulders and worked up internally. I also walk way too fast to the point I look funny because I'm always in a rush to get somewhere to do a whole lot of nothing. HA HA AH HA.

  4. #224
    Senior Member Vortex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brazz View Post
    I always feel the need to keep the first impression that I give. For example, I feel ashamed and disappointed when I turn in a project to a teacher who I highly respect and who expects the best from me. My boss loves me, but I feel like it's because I molded my personality into what HE wanted to see during our interview. I AM like that, but only when I have certain people around me.

    I have a problem with authority. I respect it (like following the laws, abiding by rules) but I hate it when someone tells me to do something. It's a bit childish, but I hate feeling like someone has authority over me. I've gotten into many arguments with my dad (who, like me, is a Leo and a Horse [Chinese zodiac] and is King of Wands whereas I am the Page of Wands [tarot]; I wouldn't be surprised if he were an ENFP as well) about doing something stupid like folding the clothes or putting something away or something.

    It was something I would have easily done if he asked nicely. But demanding it just frustrates me.

    Um.. Reading all this, I had so much to say, but I can't remember any of it.

    Oh! Headaches. I get them all the time. And I'm always so tense (mostly my shoulders and neck). Whenever I'm in pain though, I always forget to get medicine. I don't even think about it. I'm in pain and I sort of sit through it. Someone has to suggest Advil before I even think of it. Is this true with anyone else? Or is this stretching it?

    I wonder how much of our personality has to do with ourselves and the influences outside of us.
    I've got the same sort of problems with authorities and I'm also in pain most of the time - not from headaches though. I don't want to take medication or painkillers, so I usually forget about it, but I've decided that's it's okay for me to take something once in a while

  5. #225
    Senior Member Vortex's Avatar
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    And CzeCze; thank you for that incredibly inspirational post above.

  6. #226
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    Originally posted by CzeCze:
    I'm on the T/F cusp and when I scored higher on the T,


    Same here...

    Originally posted by findthejake:
    "see I am not a party animal..."
    Me neither, or at least when I used to act crazy it wasn't because of drinking. Actually I've never had a beer in my whole life, no alcohol beverages for me, or anything within that realm...never smoked anything either. My wildness consisted of weird behavior, in which the use of reason was absent, or if reason was present in any way, well then it was manipulating the situation to make it entertaining.
    [

  7. #227
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    Quote Originally Posted by findthejake View Post
    have I told you all that my heart is blistering? Yeah it is.
    hey, ive had a thought,i really hope it works out well for you jake all the best. hope that helps.

  8. #228

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    Thanks! The whole messed up story is in the "Any INFJ girls..." thread. Check it out for a dramatic read!

    I love being me but sometimes I wish I had more patience with people. And I can't lay around all the time. I love being chill but I need to be chill with others, even when people exhaust me, I only need like a day by myself in nature and even then I would prefer a fire full of friends to hike back to.

  9. #229
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vortex View Post
    And CzeCze; thank you for that incredibly inspirational post above.
    Aw shucks, just doing my job.



    Hee hee.

  10. #230
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vortex View Post
    And CzeCze; thank you for that incredibly inspirational post above.
    Agreed. That was a wicked post. Honest, direct, real.

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