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[ENFJ] ENFJ & INFP

Thessaly

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I have begun dating an ENFJ and I was wondering if anyone has any insight in to what sort of relationship dynamics this pairing has. I've noticed there aren't many ENFJ threads around here, but hopefully some ENFJs may be around to tell me what they like about INFPs and dating them. It seems promising so far:)
 

Thessaly

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lol oh yeah? Why's that?
 

ENFJ_Catholic

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We get really involved. I'd say go for it...but proceed with caution. You have the upper hand though in this case...if you're up for the roller coaster (drama).

We're a good bunch. I promise! :)
 

Thessaly

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I sensed this already and we've only been out a couple times. He's already msging me several times a day and wanting to know everything there is to know about me. We're not even a couple and I feel somewhat smothered. I kind of don't mind it though. My last boyfriend was a passive INFJ who never pursued me strongly and sort of made me the aggressor, which I hate because I quite like playing the whole submissive damsel in distress role ha.
 

Thessaly

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Some more commentary would be great :)
 

OrangeAppled

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I've never dated one, but I have been close friends with some male ENFJs. They do want to know all about you...but you'll find they may not reveal much about themselves. If they tell you anything very personal, that is a great sign of trust.

Don't be surprised if this person is charming and very attentive to other people (including other girls). As INFPs, we tend to reserve this for people who are special to us, but ENFJs lay it on thick with everyone. I'd say the signs that you really are special have more to do with how much they let you in, not in how much they flatter you.
 

Jonathanthegreat

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i asked an INFP female out recently. Thing i can say about an ENFJ, being one, is that when you feel "smothered" that means they REALLY like you, like a LOT. I for one tend to get insecure feeling as if im going to lose the person of interest and text a lot in order to a.) get more info b.) remind myself the person still likes me. i recently scared a girl away being "smothering" but I guess she didn't understand. feel flattered. most enfjs including myself don't just hangout with anyone, usually they care about status and who they are seen with in public, at least i do, and im an enfj :)
 

Thessaly

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It's really perplexing to me all this excitement over me since I have a hard time getting exciting over other people for a long time. I do become very interested, but I generally keep it to myself and sort of exhibit a hard to get mode in defense of my delicate feelings. I definitely feel flattered though. He seems to think the world of me.

I do question how sincere he is a little though. He seems to say all the right things as though he's played the field lots and is quite suave.
 

Jonathanthegreat

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Well if you're worried about it done give in to him sexually for a long time, then you can see if his intentions are true or false. Just don't put yourself in any situations that could allow sex to occur, if you don't want it to. Btw sleeping with a guy early in the relationship is #1 way for him to lose respect for you IMO.
 

Thessaly

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I can think of worse ways to lose his respect :p

So what are ENFJ turn ons/attractions anyways? I want to figure out how I've lured this one in so well.
 

SpottingTrains

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I've never dated one, but I have been close friends with some male ENFJs. They do want to know all about you...but you'll find they may not reveal much about themselves. If they tell you anything very personal, that is a great sign of trust.

Don't be surprised if this person is charming and very attentive to other people (including other girls). As INFPs, we tend to reserve this for people who are special to us, but ENFJs lay it on thick with everyone. I'd say the signs that you really are special have more to do with how much they let you in, not in how much they flatter you.

Really good post, especially the last sentence in the first paragraph. Don't ever lie to an ENFJ, I would rather have you say you don't feel like talking about something than blurring the truth.
 

SpottingTrains

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So what are ENFJ turn ons/attractions anyways? I want to figure out how I've lured this one in so well.

Personally:

Someone who just gives off an aura of warmth and isn't critical of others.

A dreamer, someone who has plans and ambitions in life, realistic or not.

I'd say those are the two big ones but a little bit of shyness is also a turn on for me.
 

ENFJ_Catholic

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i asked an INFP female out recently. Thing i can say about an ENFJ, being one, is that when you feel "smothered" that means they REALLY like you, like a LOT. I for one tend to get insecure feeling as if im going to lose the person of interest and text a lot in order to a.) get more info b.) remind myself the person still likes me.

ENFJs can have a great deal of insecurity about relationships and status. In my opinion that is where the smothering aspect can increase. So I'd agree with Jonathan here.

Personally:

Someone who just gives off an aura of warmth and isn't critical of others.

A dreamer, someone who has plans and ambitions in life, realistic or not.

I'd say those are the two big ones but a little bit of shyness is also a turn on for me.

Ditto, ditto, ditto. :yes:
 

Thessaly

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hmm he mentioned that he thought I was shy the other day, which I denied. I was being sort of shy though in retrospect because I'm not used to being under such close inspection. My Ne was driving me insane. I guess I will be okay with him thinking I'm shy then.
 

ENFJ_Catholic

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Shy is not bad. Hardly! It just drives us up a wall when someone shy becomes totally inaccessible. Maddinging really... :)
 

SpottingTrains

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Not to derail the thread... but where does one exactly find an INFP :) ? All I find are E and S girls...
 

Thessaly

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lol I'm not sure where you can find an INFP. I met the ENFJ at a lounge for some celebration. I like going out to venues when there is an event that brings together several people I know or a fairly homogeneous crowd (students etc...). INFPs can be quite sociable we just need the right backdrop I think. We're silly drunks too.

My only other suggestion would be those girls you see in parks playing with/walking their dogs. INFPs love animals.

There are probably many conversational cues you can use to expose INFPs too I think. We're probably fairly awkward/reserved looking at gatherings too if we don't have a friend with us and aren't intoxicated lol.
 

SpottingTrains

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Alright, I'll just get every girl I meet drunk and see if she acts silly or not and then ask her if she likes animals.

This plan has no flaws.
 
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