[ENFJ] ENFJ & INFP

[Domino]

I can't speak for the others, but I feel pretty stupid when I have a problem that I can't clear off rapidly, or a problem that is chronic or recurring (like my health, money issues, etc). I have no idea how it got into my head that I could stomp any obstacle to death (perhaps it's an internal wiring thing) with enough persistence and never be a "burden" to anyone. I've been made fun of and told to just "get over" problems I have which only reinforced my need for secrecy. I'm not trying to withhold information - I'm just playing my cards close to my chest so that whatever is unlovely about me won't be a burden or offensive to you (and as to my enemies, so they can't get at me with anything I haven't already allowed them to see). I share the same level of uncertainty and personal insecurity of compromised INFJs.

I seem to think that my flaws are way worse and more loser-y than everyone else's. Having someone around who felt it necessary to "drop me a peg" every time I started to gain some height has done my head in on that subject.

 

[The Third Rider]

I can't speak for the others, but I feel pretty stupid when I have a problem that I can't clear off rapidly, or a problem that is chronic or recurring (like my health, money issues, etc). I have no idea how it got into my head that I could stomp any obstacle to death (perhaps it's an internal wiring thing) with enough persistence and never be a "burden" to anyone. I've been made fun of and told to just "get over" problems I have which only reinforced my need for secrecy. I'm not trying to withhold information - I'm just playing my cards close to my chest so that whatever is unlovely about me won't be a burden or offensive to you (and as to my enemies, so they can't get at me with anything I haven't already allowed them to see). I share the same level of uncertainty and personal insecurity of compromised INFJs.

I seem to think that my flaws are way worse and more loser-y than everyone else's. Having someone around who felt it necessary to "drop me a peg" every time I started to gain some height has done my head in on that subject.

Honey, you are way too hard on yourself. I too am quite stubborn about things and prolonged problems test my patience big time. There really is no reason for you to think that you are more of a loser than anyone. Personally I think you are pretty smart and real nice person, we all have our flaws and believe me I feel real stupid when I make mistakes but I at times realize that I build it up to be a lot worse than it really is. Sometimes I think that my mind is my own worst enemy. Ironically enough, here at my job whenever one of us makes a mistake we like to blow it out of proportion and just bust their chops for as long as we can (in good fun of course) but at the same time I realize that the mistakes you make are really not that much of a big deal.

 

[Domino]

Do you think all ENFJs are perfectionists on some level?

 

[The Third Rider]

Do you think all ENFJs are perfectionists on some level?

Everyone seems to believe so, I for sure know that I am.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I can't speak for the others, but I feel pretty stupid when I have a problem that I can't clear off rapidly, or a problem that is chronic or recurring (like my health, money issues, etc). I have no idea how it got into my head that I could stomp any obstacle to death (perhaps it's an internal wiring thing) with enough persistence and never be a "burden" to anyone. I've been made fun of and told to just "get over" problems I have which only reinforced my need for secrecy. I'm not trying to withhold information - I'm just playing my cards close to my chest so that whatever is unlovely about me won't be a burden or offensive to you (and as to my enemies, so they can't get at me with anything I haven't already allowed them to see). I share the same level of uncertainty and personal insecurity of compromised INFJs.

I seem to think that my flaws are way worse and more loser-y than everyone else's. Having someone around who felt it necessary to "drop me a peg" every time I started to gain some height has done my head in on that subject.

Maybe it's an idealist NF thing, because INFPs go through this also (feeling like a burden, needing to be perfect). And nothing makes me more mad when people's problems and feelings are trivialized :steam:.

This is why INFPs end up drawing people in who need to talk about their problems because it's unusual for us to be dismissive to them. I've stood there for a half hour on the sidewalk while a stranger nearly broke down in tears to me because he was losing his home (which had been in the family for a long time). I think this is why it really bugs the INFP that ENFJs are resistant to opening up to us. Maybe the fact that it drives us crazy is part of the attraction....

 

[Poki]

Do you think all ENFJs are perfectionists on some level?

I think there afraid to screw up.

Something I told my wife the other day is that I know I screw up alot and I forget alot but my Fe+Se is used to make it all better.

 

[Domino]

We don't forget when we screw up. In fact, it gets branded into our minds. I have a list that stretches back to when I was a kid that I can't forget even when I try or even when I forgive myself for messing up.

OA - sorry we're so resistant... that has to be annoying and frustrating.

 

[Thursday]

Do you think all ENFJs are perfectionists on some level?

and obsessing over things for days and not being able to let go?
yes.

 

[Thessaly]

I think that INFPs could teach ENFJs to live more in the present to help avoid those mental games and anxiety that come from anticipating the future and dwelling on the past too much. In return ENFJs can teach INFPs to be more patient and allow events to unfold in their own time.

 

[Udog]

In return ENFJs can teach INFPs to be more patient and allow events to unfold in their own time.

Interesting. I always figured that patience is something the INFP would bring to the ENFJ - not the other way around. This may be a gender thing, though. Or I may be wrong.

 

[OrangeAppled]

We don't forget when we screw up. In fact, it gets branded into our minds. I have a list that stretches back to when I was a kid that I can't forget even when I try or even when I forgive myself for messing up.

OA - sorry we're so resistant... that has to be annoying and frustrating.

No need to apologize . Like I said, it may be the challenge that draws us in. I guess we like a mystery also

 

[Thursday]

No need to apologize . Like I said, it may be the challenge that draws us in. I guess we like a mystery also

and our darksides are like hardcandy to each other

 

[BlackCat]

Here is a serious, legit question. Don't take it in the wrong way...

But why? How does this pairing work?

You have the Fe vs Fi conflict, the two are making different judgments on things, thus having totally different values. Then you have different P functions, being an NP and NJ together, so they aren't interpreting information in a similar manner either. It just seems like a mess... my ENFJ mom's sister is INFP, they DO NOT get along at all for the reasons I posted- just seeing things and judging things in a totally different way.

Wouldn't this drive you nuts in a romantic relationship? Wouldn't an FP want another FP or a TJ for shared Fi and Te, and an FJ want another FJ or a TP for shared Ti and Fe?

 

[OrangeAppled]

^ Romantic relationships are different from familial relationships and friendships.

Fe & Fi can clash, and for me it often does with ESFJs. With ENFJs, they have their Ni side which makes them much more perceptive about & appreciative of behavior out of the "norm". This makes them less prone to judging the INFP negatively when we make social "blunders". The NF compassion & desire to understand comes out.

I am also in awe of how easily ENFJs navigate socially and make people feel good. I can't make people feel good on such a large scale. Then, to have someone like that single you out as particularly special is very flattering.

Also, ENFJs like to inspire and encourage, and INFPs often need a boost to reach their potential. INFPs helps heal the dark side of the ENFJ. It's a win-win situation for both.

I can see how the pairing could go terribly wrong (and I've experienced clashings with ENFJs), but I think it has a lot of potential to complement each other.

 

[Udog]

You have the Fe vs Fi conflict, the two are making different judgments on things, thus having totally different values. Then you have different P functions, being an NP and NJ together, so they aren't interpreting information in a similar manner either. It just seems like a mess... my ENFJ mom's sister is INFP, they DO NOT get along at all for the reasons I posted- just seeing things and judging things in a totally different way.

Wouldn't this drive you nuts in a romantic relationship? Wouldn't an FP want another FP or a TJ for shared Fi and Te, and an FJ want another FJ or a TP for shared Ti and Fe?

I've always been drawn to Fe. I'm very bad at expressing what I care about, despite being Fi dom, and Fe is often so good at it that it relaxes me and shows me where to start. Simply put, it disarms me and I haven't developed a counter to it - nor do I particularly want to. Unlike OA, it doesn't really matter what type it appears in, either.

Romantically, Fi-Fi in two Fs does nothing for me. (With a rare ENFP exception.) Instead of fostering communication, it clashes. You may have a valid point on TJ, as my Fi helps them develop theirs, but I haven't known any of the female variety to comment on romantic potential.

I don't know if I could consider your mom and sister to be shining examples of the potential of the pairing. Although I do consider it one possible outcome.

 

[Thursday]

^ Romantic relationships are different from familial relationships and friendships.

Fe & Fi can clash, and for me it often does with ESFJs. With ENFJs, they have their Ni side which makes them much more perceptive about & appreciative of behavior out of the "norm". This makes them less prone to judging the INFP negatively when we make social "blunders".

Also, ENFJs like to inspire and encourage, and INFPs often need a boost to reach their potential. INFPs helps heal the dark side of the ENFJ. It's a win-win situation for both.

My friend makes social blunders and i see it coming, but i sit back when its correct. A bit of a crime against an unjust law. He helps people loosen up and have fun. Definitely a one-of-a kind genuine and vulnerable guy.

I remember he cried because he was mad about something and was cussing and the boss came around the corner to say " I don't want any cussing in here." To which I quipped, " I didn't hear any cussing. " He said I have taught him how to get along with people and show him balance.

 

[Thessaly]

Interesting. I always figured that patience is something the INFP would bring to the ENFJ - not the other way around. This may be a gender thing, though. Or I may be wrong.

I think ENFJs are more patient in general. I think INFPs can get discouraged easily where an ENFJ would keep trucking on. This is what I have seen. We can be a pillar of strength to one another. As people have mentioned we are strong where they are weak and weak where they are strong.

 

[Koocoomoo]

So are INFP's basically saying this? : If I like you, come talk to me, but I'll never approach you or show signs of interest. So consult a psychic. lol

What do you infp females do to show interest (romantic) in a person???

I think you'd be able to tell if I liked you because I would pay special attention to you.
You'd have to be sharp though, because I'd try my hardest to not let it on. Except when I'm talking to you.
When I talk to a guy I like, I give him the focus I give to my birthday candles, so to speak. I forget anyone else is even in the room.
I'll also just want to be around you more. Any chance I get.
Best bet -- ask friends. They will know, because I blabber about the guys I <3

 

[Koocoomoo]

I bet that most male F's, esp. NF's, have lots of female friends. It's not as socially acceptable for guys to have close, caring relationships with other guys, platonically, I mean. And I think that NF's crave that kind of closeness with friends as well as romantic partners.

I guess it might get tricky when they get into a romantic relationship though. We all know how close two women can get as friends, and sometimes those relationships have a romantic tinge to them (in fact, often) even though there is no sexual element. In fact there exists a concept called the "romantic friendship"....and I think a lot of ENFJ males do this with females who they are platonic friends with. At least, that's my experience with my ENFJ friend. And while the friendship is very special, it is kind of difficult because it's not something that fits into any of society's categories.

I think SFs have more chick friends.

 

[neptunesnet]

So are INFP's basically saying this? : If I like you, come talk to me, but I'll never approach you or show signs of interest. So consult a psychic. lol

What do you infp females do to show interest (romantic) in a person???

...


Wow. I'm drawing a blank.
I don't know how anyone knows if I like them or not.
I don't think they ever find out.
I'm usually approached.

Don't let this deter you, though. !!
We're generally very open and nice as long as you don't approach us in a sleazy, slimy, cat-calling, misogynistic, creepy-old-man kind of way. We HATE that. Another thing is you should be able to read in our body language how much we like you. If you hang around us long enough, we'll probably sense your feelings for us, anyway (our sixth sense is, in fact, to read your mind ), and show you a little more attention.
So, PAY ATTENTION!