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[ENFJ] ENFJ & INFP

Thessaly

I drink your milkshake.
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So whats the news between you and your ENFJ boy toy?

I love how this thread is thriving off enfjs and infps. I guess NT's dont really know what love is lol jk. The INTPs and ENTPs do. ;)

We're incredibly smitten with one another. I feel like I'm on cloud #9. He does insist that I be patient with him and that we go slow, but I'm pretty sure we're going full speed ahead lol. He's absolutely amazing. I want to have his babies :wubbie:
 

bearette

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Thessaly,
I don't mean to be a downer, but I would reccommend also that you take things slowly, for your sake. Of course, your situation could be totally different from mine, but I recently had a somewhat similar experience...

Basically, an ENFJ befriended me....he too said that he was not over his ex, and only could be platonic with me. Despite that he was quite warm and friendly, invited me to spend a holiday at his home, did me favors and wanted to spend lots of time with me. We became close friends but (this is my fault) I couldn't really handle jealousy over him and possible relationships with other girls. he wound up dating another girl in the end...
 

runvardh

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I don't understand this thread at all. I must have alien Fe or something.

I get it, but I'm still rolling my eyes. Maybe I'm bitter though, so your position is likely better. :rolleyes:
 

Thessaly

I drink your milkshake.
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Thessaly,
I don't mean to be a downer, but I would reccommend also that you take things slowly, for your sake. Of course, your situation could be totally different from mine, but I recently had a somewhat similar experience...

Basically, an ENFJ befriended me....he too said that he was not over his ex, and only could be platonic with me. Despite that he was quite warm and friendly, invited me to spend a holiday at his home, did me favors and wanted to spend lots of time with me. We became close friends but (this is my fault) I couldn't really handle jealousy over him and possible relationships with other girls. he wound up dating another girl in the end...

Sorry to hear that :S

I've noticed my ENFJ has tons of female friends. Something I will have to get used to :doh:
 

Julie1962

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Sorry to hear that :S

I've noticed my ENFJ has tons of female friends. Something I will have to get used to :doh:


Good luck with that! I'm married 23 years and still everytime he talks to a woman I think he is going to bang her. He is very charismatic and women just flock to him. Just yesterday I called his office and heard a woman giggling. I just hung up. I don't think I'm that jealous and insecure but it just gets old after a while.:steam:
 

ENFJ_Catholic

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All relationships must be built on trust. And that trust ought to be built up over time, especially one-on-one time.

For me, that's what I see most in that mystical, sugary-sweet shell of an INFP. :wubbie:

There's an ability to be focused on so directly by an INFP (very much unlike the ENFP that flutters to and fro like a butterfly unpleased with the last dalliance) that simple drives us ENFJs wild. :happy2:

We ENFJs may anchor your INFP thoughts, but in the end its the INFPs that anchor our feelings to one place: you! :D
 

BlueinGreen

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My enfj girlfriend and I have been together 3 months now; we met through a mutual friend, and within four dates we were a couple. I've never had that kind of chemistry with anyone. I'm not saying it's all because our MBTI types match up, but our personalities definitely compliment each other along those lines. Basically she (gently) reigns me back in when I start to get neurotic and provides a constant web of support for me whatever I do. It's not like she cracks the whip; it's more like she keeps me in line almost by default without making me feel strangled. I get the impression I help her chill out when she gets anxious, which happens from time to time, and give her an emotional outlet that her T parents may not have been able to. We both kind of have the artistic thing going on too, which probably helps; she likes to paint/draw/etc. and I'm a guitarist in a rock band :p.

Truth is, I don't even really understand why it works so well, but I'm mystified and totally smitten. :wubbie:
 

OrangeAppled

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We ENFJs may anchor your INFP thoughts, but in the end its the INFPs that anchor our feelings to one place: you! :D

That sounds very sweet :hug:

INFPs often need a lot of reassurance, and if the ENFJ can provide that and make sure to clearly set them apart as special from everyone else, then I don't think jealousy will be an issue. I'm cool with dating someone who has many female friends, but I would just need to know that there is a BIG canyon sized difference between their friendship and our romantic relationship.
 

Thessaly

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It's funny how similar my interactions with my ENFJ are to this thread. Just an endless stream of complements and appreciation. There is only one thing that bothers me about him though. He cares way too much about social norms and just what people think in general. I'm going to have to influence him to digress from this inclination of his otherwise it will drive me insane.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
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Learning to not care about what people think of you is hard for an Fe user. I've been on the outside of popularity most of my life, and I really hated it when I was younger (though it didn't deter me from my natural course), but as I got older, the "not caring" thing blessedly began to kick in and I was mostly just bothered by the emotional ghosts of society as opposed to trying to make the A-list see me clearly. They don't care about you - so learn to return the favor. It takes time. And patience.
 

bearette

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I bet that most male F's, esp. NF's, have lots of female friends. It's not as socially acceptable for guys to have close, caring relationships with other guys, platonically, I mean. And I think that NF's crave that kind of closeness with friends as well as romantic partners.

I guess it might get tricky when they get into a romantic relationship though. We all know how close two women can get as friends, and sometimes those relationships have a romantic tinge to them (in fact, often) even though there is no sexual element. In fact there exists a concept called the "romantic friendship"....and I think a lot of ENFJ males do this with females who they are platonic friends with. At least, that's my experience with my ENFJ friend. And while the friendship is very special, it is kind of difficult because it's not something that fits into any of society's categories.
 

runvardh

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I had a small following of female friends when I was a kid, but I kind of pushed away from that as I got older. Funny thing was I don't ever remember going through the koodies stage like other kids did.
 

Thessaly

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A question for you ENFJs: What would it take to force you to break up with a partner of many years? My ENFJ gives such diplomatic responses like "better as friends" and "the wrong chemistry", but that is way to anti-climatic to leave such a lasting impact. I'm thinking my ENFJ isn't leveling with me. And do you all make such strong efforts to remain friends with exes? That is something I just don't get at all. I find it irritating actually. Let go of the past for Christ's sake.
 

Scott N Denver

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I read somewhere, Kroger and Thuesen maybe, that ENFJ's ___ and therefore tend to keep a lot of their former bf/gf's around as friends. I'm trying to remember what ___ was though: social harmony, seeing the good in everyone, not writing people off, seeing the good in their exes?
 

Domino

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If I liked you enough to date you, and get THAT close to you, I'd rather end it on a good note and avoid blood shed because I cared about you to the nth degree. Doesn't mean I want you up in my business anymore, but I don't want a land war either.

Look, speaking from personal experience, we don't let go - it's one of our good traits that gets out of whack or exploited. My white knuckled grip on your shirt is going to keep us both from going into the Styx. On the flipside, my tenacity and intense bonding can hold me in stasis, esp when I could make no sense of a disastrous end, a brutal internal tearing. I'll return to the scene of the tragedy over and over and forensically pick it over to make it give up all of it's ghosts. I also tend to have a long memory and little sense of time or present reality.

We're like ENTJs in not abiding loss or domination, and we're like INFJs in not letting a soul slip through our fingers.
 

Thessaly

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So I ended things with the ENFJ for now. He needs some space and to think a bit. We are great for each other, but I want 100% of him. I'll probably give him a call in 3 weeks or so. I hope he understands.
 

Scott N Denver

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Ooh, so now that you have some downtime, what do ENFJ's like about us? And please no circle-jerk responses this time, ok? Enquiring INFP minds want to know...
 

Scott N Denver

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Do you feel that grew/developed from this relationship? If so, in what ways? What do we other might-hook-up-with-ENFJ's-someday INFP's have to look forward to? Is a dual F_-dom relationship super-wubby? :wubbie:

INFP minds continue to inquire...
 

Thessaly

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lol well my ENFJ liked a lot of things about me. Too many to list off the top of my head. I've never been complemented and flattered by one person in such a short period of time. The reoccurring complements I received were:

-My eyes, not their color or shape, but the way I looked at him
-My quirkiness, he really liked the odd things I'd say and was interested in. He found me very interesting and fun.
-My intellect, he did not shy away from admiring my intelligence, depth, and insightfullness
-My compassion, he thought I was the nicest person ever, too nice he'd say, more understanding and caring than others would have been of his lack of closure with the ex
-He thought I was a great listener, which is a rare rare thing in his experience
-My thoughtfulness, just little things I'd do like bring him coffee or write him a note. I think that stuff is really what got under his skin.

He said I had a calming effect on him and that he enjoyed just being with me. He also liked that I was selective with dating and my sexuality and that it made him feel special. I think he is more into conservative types that don't sleep around. He told me over and over again I was exactly his type. I guess this is why he tried to make things work with me despite being all broken over the ex.

I think that he made me realize that I underestimate my good qualities and I benefited from our contact in that way. His enthusiasm for my potential made me feel inspired to be more proactive and chase my dreams, and pursue my interests - even when others would have not been so keen on them. The F -dom was definitely super-wubby. Lots of hugging and pecking and appreciating.

I look forward to our reunion. I think this one has potential to last a long long time.
 
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