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Thread: ENFJ & INFP

  1. #371
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpottingTrains View Post
    Don't make the ENFJ the center of your life.

    Keep reaching for your dreams ( I know it sounds cheezy- suck it) and through that we will be enthralled to help you attain them. If all you focus on is pleasing the ENFJ and have no goals of your own he won't know how to help you.
    Bolded is a main reason my relationship with an INFP failed. He was exceptionally unhealthy and put all of his stock in dependency being 100% a-ok.
    I like to help, love, and encourage, but when the focus isn't on me. I become very intimidated, defensive, and liable to lash out when it is. ENFJs can have enough trouble carrying themselves as their focus is external.

    I'd imagine healthy and well-spread INFPs could be quite good.
    Quote Originally Posted by Goatman455 View Post
    HaHa, I am an ENFP and I find this same thing about ENFJs. I call to ask about them, they ask me about me, 10 minutes later I am like "Wait, I have been talking and you haven't said a word"

    "......."

    is the usual response, lol.

    Pry it out of them, ENFJs actually like to talk when they feel like they aren't going to be judged for it negatively.
    ENFPs can fascinate the hell out of me, but i'll interrupt if i have something to provide. When they are on a roll, i just vibe off of them even if the reaction seems slight.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical_Spaghetti View Post
    I was thinking though... maybe Holly and Gerry from the movie P.S. I Love You are an INFP-ENFJ couple? (Holly being the INFP, Gerry being the ENFJ?)

    Just a guess, if anyone's seen that movie.
    If he's ENFJ, it may be a large reason that i adore this movie and have a great emotional response to it.
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  2. #372
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    I had an ENFJ friend who went off to college so I haven't seen him in a couple years, but he was pretty awesome. I could see how an ENFJ might help round out around an INFP and vice versa if you're talking a relationship. Never been too close to an ENFJ of the opp sex that I know of, but I'd imagine they'd be like the ESFJs I know just with more similar interests and maybe better possibility for a connection.

  3. #373
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by neptunesnet View Post
    Can anyone think of ENFJ & INFP pairings in popular culture?

    I think Burt and Verona from Away We Go were initially supposed to be an ENFJ and INFP pairing, but Maya Rudolph played her character more as an INTP because I think she's a TP. & I was really suprised at John Krasinski. I'm pretty sure he's an ENTP, but he played a Fe-dom really well (or what I thought to be an ENFJ character).

    So, anyone else?
    I've seen Krasinski typed ENFJ here actually. I could totally see him as Fe-dom IRL. I haven't seen that movie yet though....

    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    I'd imagine healthy and well-spread INFPs could be quite good.
    A healthy INFP will need a good amount of autonomy . An INFP that is too detached from others or too dependent is unhealthy. Making someone the center of my life is to me; as much as I'd like to be two peas in a pod, I need to maintain a unique identity. My ideal is more of a partnership and mutual support to reach common and individual goals.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  4. #374
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    Yeah, I don't know where this dependency thing comes from. Even when in love I don't want someone up in my space all the time. I have no problem with intimacy, but I need to have my own life.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  5. #375
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    Yeah, I don't know where this dependency thing comes from. Even when in love I don't want someone up in my space all the time. I have no problem with intimacy, but I need to have my own life.
    Because I'm flexible and accomodating about things that aren't important to me (and sometimes things that are), I think I come across as too dependent or eager to please. I can also seem intense which appears to be suffocating but in fact is just my passionate nature When I'm in love and know that someone loves me as well, I'll let them know when I need space and that I value that for them as well. That can mean space even though you're together in the same room. But I need to also spend time together doing things we both love or connecting in other ways fairly frequently. Intimacy grows in this way.

  6. #376
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren View Post
    Because I'm flexible and accomodating about things that aren't important to me (and sometimes things that are), I think I come across as too dependent or eager to please. I can also seem intense which appears to be suffocating but in fact is just my passionate nature When I'm in love and know that someone loves me as well, I'll let them know when I need space and that I value that for them as well. That can mean space even though you're together in the same room. But I need to also spend time together doing things we both love or connecting in other ways fairly frequently. Intimacy grows in this way.
    I guess I can see how our accommodating natures can be interpreted as dependency. It does remove a sense of challenge for sure. I think that the only time I'm interpreted as needy is when I'm with someone who makes hardly anytime for me. I see them say once every week and a half or twice a week tops. Nothing is going to progress from that. Feels like a waste of energy.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  7. #377
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    I guess I can see how our accommodating natures can be interpreted as dependency. It does remove a sense of challenge for sure. I think that the only time I'm interpreted as needy is when I'm with someone who makes hardly anytime for me. I see them say once every week and a half or twice a week tops. Nothing is going to progress from that. Feels like a waste of energy.
    To the bolded part: absolutely. I've noticed this and I'm not sure what to do about it. Just because I'm accomodating doesn't mean I'll give you everything you need all the time and subvert my own needs. But, it does appear that way to others, I think. The areas I need to grow in are those where I show I need the love that others give me, that I desire it and need it, just as they do. As to removing that sense of challenge: I'm in that quandry right now. But, if you're always accomodating, always saying: I'm here for you the other person doesn't have to do any work. I'm trying very hard to not do this as much.
    Last edited by Lauren; 02-23-2010 at 08:45 AM.

  8. #378
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    A healthy INFP will need a good amount of autonomy . An INFP that is too detached from others or too dependent is unhealthy. Making someone the center of my life is to me; as much as I'd like to be two peas in a pod, I need to maintain a unique identity. My ideal is more of a partnership and mutual support to reach common and individual goals.
    this post is so full of win I should frame it and tattoo it across my chest
    I N V I C T U S

  9. #379
    Senior Member Koocoomoo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    I have actually wondered this too. Even when we do start seeing each other again, unless he gives up his extra-curriculars, with work alone I'd only see him maybe twice a week. I think the main problem he is having over the ex is the fact that he never sits down on his own to introspect. I really believe he doesn't understand why or how he feels over everything. Even now with the space I am giving him he still out and about 24/7

    That's because - from what I've seen - when you give ENFJs time to sit ALONE and THINK, the end result is usually disastrous.

    Painfully Bipolar

  10. #380
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    Unhappy ENFJ frustrations...

    Thessaly, I completely understand your frustrations.

    I'm a complete newbie here, though I've been really into MBTI and Jung for years now. Anyway...I came searching for some insight into ENFJ men given a pseudo-romantic "friendship" I've been in with one for a few years now.
    He's been: 1. hot and cold--definitely pursues based on his feeling, then has to back up when it looks like it might be going somewhere. But he starts and stops over and over again. 2. Indecisive--definitely does the holding on to past relationships, but this man seems to take it to another level...

    I know he definitely let me in and shared personal things with me regularly, so I don't doubt his feelings, but somehow I always suspect insincerity with him. He definitely has a string of "good" female friends...

    Ugh...I just want to totally dump his friendship, but I feel really guilty in doing so. He has a way of making it seem like he's the well-intentioned good guy in everything. I'm admittedly crazy about him, but it's frustrating. Is this perhaps a part of the tendency to manipulation present with ENFJs? They know how to construe things so that they always appear to be a certain way? I remember one of my first conversations with this guy, he started telling me that wearing emotional masks with people was good and necessary.

    Anyway, we have been stuck in this cycle of he shows a lot of attention and interest, doesn't make anything official or formal, and so I ask what his intentions are. He says he's not sure, he really likes me, etc., and then I back off and our friendship cools. And then some months later, he starts with his interest, doesn't make it official, I ask what's up, he gives some reason it's not the right time, our friendship cools. And on again. Oh, no sex or making out involved, btw.

    This last time around he actually admitted to being confused and needing to do some introspection. He's definitely holding onto the failure of past relationships.

    I don't even know if I like him anymore. I mean he's a terrific guy, but very very hard to even be friends with, as he also doesn't seem to be able to do genuinely platonic friendship without acting on romantic feelings. It's just messy. I'm so frustrated and I want to just cut him out of my life entirely at this point, but I feel really bad in doing so. Is that just the INFP's inability to let go of bad relationships?

    ENFJs are Js, they're supposed to be able to be decisive, right??? I think it's the indecision that drives me the most batty. I mean say yes or say no, but "I don't know" shouldn't last forever.

    I also think that ENFJs feel a desire to say things in a way that they think will hurt you the least instead of just being wholly honest. I feel like it took him 3 years to say what he could have said in year 1, and I would have taken that and moved on. I think that Fi is much more concerned about truth than Fe.

    Sorry, I had to vent! Any insights or tips would be greatly appreciated. Thus far I've just concluded that I'm not the right woman for him and I hope that he finds a woman that will help bring clarity and focus to his life and emotions.

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