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Thread: ENFJ & INFP

  1. #301
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chunes View Post
    Or the INFP, for that matter.
    I would actually agree to that.

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    But...I know that everyone says identical relationships do not work because they can't "help" eachother with their flaws, but...I dunno, I think the infp might actually work. The infp cares about love enough not to get bored and cast the other person aside, and so would the other infp. Sure, maybe a few mechanical, day to day stuff like getting taxes in on time may get lost since there's no "j" there, but so what?

  3. #303
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpottingTrains View Post
    Not necessarily... I've seen way too many relationships that end up with one person just letting the life they lived crumble. After that you aren't left with the person you first fell for, but a misguided replica of them that has only one purpose.

    There's difference between someone being the most important thing in your life compared to someone being the ONLY important thing in your life. That's all I was getting at. Maybe I should have been more explicit.
    Oh I get it now.

    It seems one of the major attraction for an ENFJ is personal passion or ambition - something that drives them and inspires them. If a relationship becomes all consuming and that personal passion gets pushed to the wayside its easy to see how that could be a turn-off for an ENFJ. That's really interesting because most people like it when their partner becomes defined by their relationship (as long as its not obsessive or anything) - when they become a sort of homogenized couple with common goals and desires. ENFJs on the other hand like to have intimacy without the reduction of individuality.

  4. #304
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lost verses View Post
    But...I know that everyone says identical relationships do not work because they can't "help" eachother with their flaws, but...I dunno, I think the infp might actually work. The infp cares about love enough not to get bored and cast the other person aside, and so would the other infp. Sure, maybe a few mechanical, day to day stuff like getting taxes in on time may get lost since there's no "j" there, but so what?
    From what I understand, INFP - INFP is actually semi-common. It's often a happy relationship, as long as you get two INFPs that desire the inevitable detachment from the real world. (I always turn into the stingy INTJ around INFPs in real life, which is stressful to me. I can't handle them romantically.)

    I guess I have issue with the idea of putting the partner over anything else. I'm not sure exactly why, but I think it's because my self identity will always be more important. Focused, single minded love like that tends to suffocate after a time. I'm extremely focused on "the relationship", but you need both parts to be happy and functional for them to be able to meld into something greater.

  5. #305
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    Oh I get it now.

    It seems one of the major attraction for an ENFJ is personal passion or ambition - something that drives them and inspires them. If a relationship becomes all consuming and that personal passion gets pushed to the wayside its easy to see how that could be a turn-off for an ENFJ. That's really interesting because most people like it when their partner becomes defined by their relationship (as long as its not obsessive or anything) - when they become a sort of homogenized couple with common goals and desires. ENFJs on the other hand like to have intimacy without the reduction of individuality.
    I totally agree with the above


    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    From what I understand, INFP - INFP is actually semi-common. It's often a happy relationship, as long as you get two INFPs that desire the inevitable detachment from the real world. (I always turn into the stingy INTJ around INFPs in real life, which is stressful to me. I can't handle them romantically.)

    I guess I have issue with the idea of putting the partner over anything else. I'm not sure exactly why, but I think it's because my self identity will always be more important. Focused, single minded love like that tends to suffocate after a time. I'm extremely focused on "the relationship", but you need both parts to be happy and functional for them to be able to meld into something greater.
    I agree with ther above. Apparently male INFP's have VERY high probabilities of marrying female INFP's, female INFP's apparently are more open to [or successful at] marrying outside their type.

    I keep thinking, "nah I need a NF non-INFP future partner" then I see some female INFP and I'm TOTALLY like We'll see who wins...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    From what I understand, INFP - INFP is actually semi-common. It's often a happy relationship, as long as you get two INFPs that desire the inevitable detachment from the real world. (I always turn into the stingy INTJ around INFPs in real life, which is stressful to me. I can't handle them romantically.)

    I guess I have issue with the idea of putting the partner over anything else. I'm not sure exactly why, but I think it's because my self identity will always be more important. Focused, single minded love like that tends to suffocate after a time. I'm extremely focused on "the relationship", but you need both parts to be happy and functional for them to be able to meld into something greater.
    So you think maybe that if two infps fit those requirements...1. desire inevitable detachment from the real world; 2. willing and wanting to put the relationship over anything else... that it could actually be a really content relationship?

    I'm always attracted to those damn ENFx's though ...but I've been thinking lately that they may cause too much pain because of them either getting bored or getting fed up with the infp ways... so maybe the INFP would be the less painful way to go in the end for the infp...

  7. #307
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lost verses View Post
    So you think maybe that if two infps fit those requirements...1. desire inevitable detachment from the real world; 2. willing and wanting to put the relationship over anything else... that it could actually be a really content relationship?

    I'm always attracted to those damn ENFx's though ...but I've been thinking lately that they may cause too much pain because of them either getting bored or getting fed up with the infp ways... so maybe the INFP would be the less painful way to go in the end for the infp...
    I've had similar thoughts to your second paragraph.
    This is my opinion, not Udog's, but I think two INFP's have a lot to offer each other. Just your type talks about this. Potential issue areas are things like 1) what if neither is very practical? 2) who's gonna be the de facto E? 3) who will be the defacto T? 4) who will be the defacto J? 5) world avoidance 6) "us vs the world" attitudes, stuff like that. I've heard such relationships described as "heaven or hell" relationships. At the end of the day, I think both offer the other a safe harbor that most of the rest of the world does not.

  8. #308
    Senior Member SciVo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lost verses View Post
    But...I know that everyone says identical relationships do not work because they can't "help" eachother with their flaws, but...I dunno, I think the infp might actually work. The infp cares about love enough not to get bored and cast the other person aside, and so would the other infp. Sure, maybe a few mechanical, day to day stuff like getting taxes in on time may get lost since there's no "j" there, but so what?
    It seems to me that for men in relationships with xNFP women, there's a "ghost" xSTJ present -- a paranormal ménage à trois -- due to societal expectations of gender roles. Maybe artsier (enneagram type 4) xNFP men wouldn't experience it that way, but I sense the ghost, even by myself. For example, I know that to get my taxes in on time, I need to buy a program, feel time pressure and get slightly drunk; and I do what it takes. I have this instinctive sense that I would end up moving ever further into my shadow in a relationship with another INFP, and that an INFJ would probably be much healthier for me.
    INFP ~ Fi/Ne/Ni/Te ~ 9-2-4 sp/so

  9. #309
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    Oh I get it now.

    It seems one of the major attraction for an ENFJ is personal passion or ambition - something that drives them and inspires them. If a relationship becomes all consuming and that personal passion gets pushed to the wayside its easy to see how that could be a turn-off for an ENFJ. That's really interesting because most people like it when their partner becomes defined by their relationship (as long as its not obsessive or anything) - when they become a sort of homogenized couple with common goals and desires. ENFJs on the other hand like to have intimacy without the reduction of individuality.
    Exactly, nice summary.
    "That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can."

  10. #310
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    I guess I have issue with the idea of putting the partner over anything else. I'm not sure exactly why, but I think it's because my self identity will always be more important. Focused, single minded love like that tends to suffocate after a time. I'm extremely focused on "the relationship", but you need both parts to be happy and functional for them to be able to meld into something greater.
    I see this view as "very INFP" actually. INFPs can be a bit rebellious, need a lot of space, and hold fast to their individuality. The need to be a unique individual and fulfill some idealistic vision is at odds with allowing a relationship to consume you.

    Not to mention, no matter how great a love, I have certain values/morals that will never be compromised; so in that sense, I'd have to always maintain a strong self-identity.


    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    Oh I get it now.

    It seems one of the major attraction for an ENFJ is personal passion or ambition - something that drives them and inspires them. If a relationship becomes all consuming and that personal passion gets pushed to the wayside its easy to see how that could be a turn-off for an ENFJ. That's really interesting because most people like it when their partner becomes defined by their relationship (as long as its not obsessive or anything) - when they become a sort of homogenized couple with common goals and desires. ENFJs on the other hand like to have intimacy without the reduction of individuality.
    Which is why, in theory, ENFJs can be a great match for the INFP, who would probably consider it very depressing to lose their individuality and give up on their dreams to become the other half of someone else. Or hey, maybe that's just me

    Although, I will add that I think common goals, desires, and values are important things to share from the beginning; not because one person gives up their set for the other, but because you're on similar life paths already.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

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