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Thread: ENFJ & INFP

  1. #281
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    Makes sense. Thanks, runvardh.
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  2. #282
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical_Spaghetti View Post
    Perhaps this is just an individual problem, but I feel like I bore ENFJs quite easily. (Any other INFPs feel this way?)

    They seem so interested at first. I feel completely comfortable to be myself. And after I'm done telling them my life story (how did you get me to do that by the way? ). I feel like I have nothing more to say to them that they might find remotely interesting, and yet I want to keep talking to them, being close to them. I want to be around them, perhaps out of need to feel as accepted as they often make me feel.

    It often times makes me wonder: really, what's in it for you guys? It seems you are so busy discovering the INFP, who is going to discover you? How can I make you feel as loved as you make me feel?

    After the initial, "I'd like to get to know you" phase wears off, I feel so suddenly like I have to run after the ENFJ, or they will forever become a vanishing form on that rapidly fleeing train that is their life.


    Perhaps this is me expecting too much. Perhaps it is a lack of maturity on my part? Any insight would be appreciated.

    On a side note, I'm a 4w3 on the Enneagram (sx/so).
    ENFJs seem like they enjoy unraveling the mysterious enigma that is the INFP. However, they are so exceptionally skilled at making us skittish animals calm and open, that we do spill our guts quickly, and then, yeah, they get bored and move on. Mission accomplished, after all.

    What's even more frustrating is when you've realized they know so much about you, but you don't really know that much about them....

    It can feel a little too much like the "playing hard to get" game with them. They start to lose interest, so you retreat back to the shell, and then they come running back. I don't really know why either, but I'm just agreeing with your observations.

    The advantage we do have is that we are pretty layered and complex, so that's likely to hold their interest for awhile. On the other hand, I find myself losing interest when they refuse to let me see past their surface.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #283
    Senior Member SciVo's Avatar
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    Sorry that I'm a bit late to the party. I'm about halfway through the thread now.

    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    They say INFP is hardest MBTI type for a male to be, followed quickly by INFJ and ISFP...
    Well, that explains a lot.

    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    I wonder what the female to male ratio amongst INFP's and ENFJ's is. I'm guessing like 2 or 3 or 4 to 1 in both cases. Anyone know???
    2-to-1. IIRC, the traits are gender-balanced except for T/F. Men are 2-to-1 T-to-F and women are 2-to-1 F-to-T, or in other words, T is 2-to-1 male-to-female and F is 2-to-1 female-to-male.

    Quote Originally Posted by SurlyAdam View Post
    I've found INFPs and ENFJs do go well together. It's a very balanced relationship, where the primary functions of E/I compliment each other. If you look at the primary functions, the ENFJ is: Fe/Ni/Se/Ti and the INFP is Fi/Ne/Si/Te. I think they see themselves and who they would like to be in each other, and that strengthens them both when they're together.
    I'm actually Fi/Ne/Ni/Te. I wonder if maybe my atypical double-N there is why it's been so hard for me to find a good role model that I could really identify with, in addition to my being an extra-rare male of an already-rare type.

    Quote Originally Posted by Thursday View Post
    According to Apple, it is no miracle that people tell me(us) that they have been raped by their uncle or that they are having trouble in the sack or have a terminal/disease within the first meeting.

    Here is my wound, healed. Show me yours. We can connect.
    Oh. Again, that explains a lot. Now, back to reading the rest of the thread!
    INFP ~ Fi/Ne/Ni/Te ~ 9-2-4 sp/so

  4. #284
    Senior Member SciVo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    I can certainly see how a parental aspect can develop. Of course, I have wonder if it's necessary. I imagine sometimes it can very well be, and other times not so much.
    Oh yeah, I meant to mention that I've ruthlessly cut women out of my life for trying to (s)mother me. Even my actual mom doesn't try to order me around; in fact, we have a very good adult relationship. Yet, for whatever reason, some of my peers (or even younger!) refuse to accept that I could possibly be happy making my own decisions. Although I seem easy-going on the surface, I'd guard my autonomous individuality to the death, so my associations with those people are very brief.
    INFP ~ Fi/Ne/Ni/Te ~ 9-2-4 sp/so

  5. #285
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    So how might an INFP go about making this work?
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  6. #286
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    Be patient and willing to take things slow. That's where I screwed up

  7. #287
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    ENFJs seem like they enjoy unraveling the mysterious enigma that is the INFP. However, they are so exceptionally skilled at making us skittish animals calm and open, that we do spill our guts quickly, and then, yeah, they get bored and move on. Mission accomplished, after all.

    What's even more frustrating is when you've realized they know so much about you, but you don't really know that much about them....

    It can feel a little too much like the "playing hard to get" game with them. They start to lose interest, so you retreat back to the shell, and then they come running back. I don't really know why either, but I'm just agreeing with your observations.

    The advantage we do have is that we are pretty layered and complex, so that's likely to hold their interest for awhile. On the other hand, I find myself losing interest when they refuse to let me see past their surface.

    Yes. Same thing happened to me. Except they didn't come running back, lol. They cracked your walls and discovered all they wanted to, and then they got bored. Never again shall I fall into that trap...

    ...but damnit, I feel that since INFPs are naturally attracted to ENFJs, that it's bound to happen again, and I'll fall into the same trap. I guess I want to know what would make them (enfj males) not get bored/run away? Any ideas? So that I can at least be prepared this time lol

  8. #288
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    Quote Originally Posted by lost verses View Post
    Yes. Same thing happened to me. Except they didn't come running back, lol. They cracked your walls and discovered all they wanted to, and then they got bored. Never again shall I fall into that trap...

    ...but damnit, I feel that since INFPs are naturally attracted to ENFJs, that it's bound to happen again, and I'll fall into the same trap. I guess I want to know what would make them (enfj males) not get bored/run away? Any ideas? So that I can at least be prepared this time lol
    I wonder the same thing as you.
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  9. #289
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
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    Don't make the ENFJ the center of your life.

    Keep reaching for your dreams ( I know it sounds cheezy- suck it) and through that we will be enthralled to help you attain them. If all you focus on is pleasing the ENFJ and have no goals of your own he won't know how to help you.
    "That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can."

  10. #290
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    Also, ENFJ's should try to look deeply into INFP's because what ENFJ's are looking for is depth and you can't get any deeper. INFP's should be mysterious about their depth so an ENFJ has to peel the layers slowly, which is how you want it anyway. Also, give yourself a reminder to be spontanious with them every so often, it will suprise and intrigue them.

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