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  1. #31
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mwv6r View Post
    To the poster: if you ever end up in a serious romantic relationship with your INFJ friend, you're going to know them better than anyone you've known in your entire life, because we pour ourselves heart and soul into committed relationships. (Might wanna be careful what you wish for, lol, we can be pretty damn intense!)
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

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  2. #32
    Junior Member mszoe's Avatar
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    I have nothing new to offer. Ditto to all the INFJs who stated that they personally do not have issues with emotional or physical intimacy, explaining that we move at our own pace and indeed we have conscious and subconscious screening process.

    So dear ENTP, just let her move at her own pace. If she makes it clear that the current state is her comfort zone, then please do respect her. Sure enough if she decides to let you into her inner world, you will find it lovely (and also intense as others have mentioned).

  3. #33
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    I can definitely identify and agree with all of the posts thus far. For me, though, I think there's an additional aspect.

    I hate the idea of many, many people really knowing me. There have been people in the past I've let know different things about me that are very personal and the friendship didn't last. All of the friendships ended for various reasons, but now there's someone out there that knows me. I want to take it back. I want to erase everything they know about me because they're no longer in my inner-circle. So, as I've gotten older, to make sure that doesn't happen, I've become extremely selective with who gets to know me. I want to make sure (to a certain degree) they're worth it. I want only those I choose to really know me. Like everyone else has been saying, being trustworthy is the first sign of someone being worth it. If I tell you something, I'm telling you. I expect it to stay between us and not shared with anyone else.

    If she does get to a point where she starts sharing a little bit with you, ask questions. Try to understand the whole picture. A lot of times I'll share something with someone, but I won't give them the entire picture or how I felt about it unless they ask. Asking lets me know that they really do care enough to know what I have to share.

    The great thing about INFJs is that we really long to find someone to tell everything to. We're not likely to hold back anything when you've proven yourself worthy. So, be genuine, show interest, and stick to her long enough and you might get to that point.

  4. #34
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    ^Yup.

  5. #35
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by istina View Post
    The great thing about INFJs is that we really long to find someone to tell everything to. We're not likely to hold back anything when you've proven yourself worthy. So, be genuine, show interest, and stick to her long enough and you might get to that point.
    My INFJ ex played things very close to the chest for quite a while, but when we started dating, he would suddenly tell me all sorts of crazy things that I never thought I'd ever hear coming out of his mouth. It was pretty funny, and never failed to surprise me a bit.

  6. #36
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    I think they just don't want to get hurt or invest time into something that they don't think will really go anywhere.

    Plus, I don't think they really think of themselves as all that interesting (not saying that they aren't interesting.) They would much rather be out making a difference in the world than talking about themselves...

    ^(I'm sorry if this was already suggested.)
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  7. #37
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical_Spaghetti View Post
    I think they just don't want to get hurt or invest time into something that they don't think will really go anywhere.

    Plus, I don't think they really think of themselves as all that interesting (not saying that they aren't interesting.) They would much rather be out making a difference in the world than talking about themselves...

    ^(I'm sorry if this was already suggested.)
    I would agree, but this is in the context that 90ish percent of the population really doesn't fathom, or care of, the depths I can go.

    "An artist seeks an audience" and I don't want my greatest, most on-going work of art, my inner self, to be seen or handled by people who I don't think find it interesting in the right way. I will give teaser glimpses to see how they react and to see if the reaction is fair. The better they stand up to the rigorous, and secret, testing, the more likely they will be able to see the sculpture in its current form.

    Besides, What artist wants his audience to pass by and say idly: "Oh that's nice" without truly taking in the detail when the artist is totally devoted to the perfection of it? It's almost, if not, a slap in the face.

    An example is me. I'm pretty much a lanky, poorly trimmed goofball on the outside, but on the inside I'm a whole other beast.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
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    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  8. #38
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    I enjoy my mysteriousness , and have always been that way since my mid teens. I don't like betrayal of my trust, I have many relatives that I don't give a damn about and haven't even been to either of my uncles houses since they moved about 10 -12 years ago nor do I even know where they live nor care too. There are very few people I want knowing about me, there aren't many genuine people and when you've had your trust stepped on a few times you tend to put up a guard, and my guard is solid like a rock.

    I've been lied to many times, not just relationships , but business dealings such as mechanic shops, retail sales people, doctors, attorneys, landlords, employers, people who were supposed to be friends, even relatives, especially when money was in the equation. My intuition is high, the older I get the wiser I get. I can tell when I'm being set up to be conned most of the time.

    My memory is far better than the average person, I would say beyond just "good" , closer to great, almost photographic. It has been a blessing but also a curse, I remember being lied to and cheated, even when I was a kid. Before you get into my circle , I will study you, test you, even study your acquaintances , I will learn you inside out, then if I like you, you'll only get to be close to me over time, but if you are in my inner circle I will die for you , that's what length a true friend should go to if necessary.

  9. #39
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    I personally actually want to let people get close to me, because I really want to have friends and have people like me. I always used to dream of being popular. Only one time can I remember ever really being in the "in-crowd", and in that case I wasn't really in, I was just close. It was, in my opinion, strictly for conditional reasons, thus making things extremely flimsy.

    But, I digress....

    I have no problem letting people get close. I actually like to feel strongly bonded with other people. However, if a person comes on too strong I can have issues. Mind you, my sense of "coming on too strong" is VERY lenient. I can tolerate talking and hanging out multiple times per week, as long as it isn't every day or (God forbid) multiple times per-day. I have had a few times people would not give me any space at all. This really bothered me a lot. Anyone who seems like they might be one of these people, in my life, is going to get some serious leariness from me. There's a certain cluelessness to it. People who aren't in tune with the needs of others and seem to show no curiosity towards such a subject bother me as close friends. They might be perfectly nice people, but I will avoid letting them get close, because they have historically wasted a lot of my time and gotten me into trouble. I value knowing that my life is headed in the right direction.

    I have had some chaotic people in my life and my instincts always told me to shut them out. My instincts were right. If I had continued to let those people live in my world, my life would have been a mess. I love fulfilling the needs of others, but I don't like to sacrifice all enjoyment in my life.

    That said, I haven't had too many true friends anyway, or even people who were willing to make the effort, so historcially I have given pretty much anyone a chance to be my friend. I accept pretty much anyone. I just don't like people who invade my space and screw up my life by adding chaos to it. However, these people are in the vast minority. I've been friends with about four obvious space invaders in my life. They all eventually got shut out in some way or another, or I just minimized interaction with them to avoid hurting their feelings.

    I think as a whole, INFJs like to feel that their talents and abilities are understood and appreciated. They like to feel understood, and not judged for behavior which may seem unorthodox to some other types. I also like for people to be laid-back, non-probing, open to giving me a little bit of space.
    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

  10. #40
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    Another thing, I think I might add...Just occurred to me.

    Being an INFJ is often not easy. How easy is it to be an introvert in an extroverted world? A feeler in a thinking world? An intuitive in a sensing world? The RAREST personality type? Do you know how it feels to feel (almost) completely alone most of your life? Knowing that there is almost no one who shares your view of the world? Being one of the very most dissatisfied in relationships (along with our INFP siblings)? Have you spent your whole life determined to do the right thing when most people around you refused to take responsibility for their actions (and often got away with it)? A sincere person in an insincere world? The list goes on...Trust me....

    This may sound maudlin, but it's not easy to live in a world that is so twisted from what you believe in so strongly. It's not easy to share these frustrations either, because most people don't understand and never could unless they walked in your shoes for a while.

    So, if you have an INFJ friend, please understand they probably want to like you a lot, but it's not easy to trust just anyone because lots of INFJs have been hurt a lot in their lives. Please be patient, understanding and loyal. If you're dealing with a good INFJ, it's more than worth the effort (which isn't that extreme anyway)...
    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

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