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  1. #1
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Default How does unresolved conflict affect you?

    Unresolved conflict is really disconcerting to me, especially if there is no possible outlet to deal with it proactively. It makes me restless and I don't sleep or eat well. I feel physically sick to my stomach and I need to be physically distant for quite awhile to actually detach myself from it. I wonder how it works for other types. Perhaps it is an F thing. Or an NF thing. Or maybe just INFJ.

    About the worst thing another person could do is to ignore verbal or written attempts to get enough information to shed light on the problem or to resolve it.

  2. #2
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    ^ I feel the same way. I am dealing with this right now and the inner turmoil is insane. Until it is resolved, I cannot feel relaxed or think of much else. I try and distract myself (online message boards...), as that'd the only way I have any peace.

    Even after it is over, I will have echoing feelings of anxiety here & there.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #3
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    If it's really bad, I have a hard time sleeping, eating or breathing normally.
    I-71%, N-80%, F-74%, P-96%

  4. #4
    Allergic to Mornings ergophobe's Avatar
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    I am o.k. with conflict or disagreement as long as I understand the reasons for it (even a flat, feeling based emotional response is better than no answer). I just want to understand the conflict, with or without resolution. No answers or unsatisfactory answers or dishonest answers (I use Fi to judge sincerity) are the worst. I have to work so hard to detach and repeat to myself, "sometimes there are no answers and no resolution" repeatedly until it begins to sink in and I believe it.

    Sometimes, the conflict and the conflicting party are worth a resolution and sometimes they're not. I'd just like all the information possible from both sides to be able to decide.

  5. #5
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I only worry about it if they are people that are really important to me and are a big part of my world. I know what you're talking about ergophobe. Sometimes I excuse people for some behaviour when the motivating reasons are revealed. Nothing is worse than just not knowing. Or not knowing the real reason.

    I do the distraction thing too, sometimes to the point of doing the same 3 or 4 things over and over. I normally like silence and peacefulness, but will find myself going to bed reading a book, with the radio on, something to eat or drink, and the lights on till I'm dead tired, interrupted by checking my two email addresses several times.

  6. #6
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Depends on who it is and what the issue is. With my SO I need to sort it out before I go to bed, or I won't sleep. I *need* harmony at home. Others drive me up the wall too, but this especially occurs when I feel that the reason we're in conflict is because we misunderstood one another and we're therefore not talking for silly reasons. If I have been able to explain my disagreement with the person and they got it, and vice versa and they still are in conflict with me, I let go. I am who I am, and I will do a lot for people, but I won't stop being me. I have no problem staying out of that persons way then to minimize aggrevation, but I'm not going to be hung up on their approval.
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  7. #7
    Member Manimal's Avatar
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    im like this as well. id say my least favorite emotions are definitely stress/anxiety which for me usualy stems from some sort of unresolved conflict or even anticitpation of an upcoming conflict. i don't require a positive resolution to the conflict just anything really, as long as its settled and i know where things stand.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ergophobe View Post
    I am o.k. with conflict or disagreement as long as I understand the reasons for it (even a flat, feeling based emotional response is better than no answer). I just want to understand the conflict, with or without resolution. No answers or unsatisfactory answers or dishonest answers (I use Fi to judge sincerity) are the worst. I have to work so hard to detach and repeat to myself, "sometimes there are no answers and no resolution" repeatedly until it begins to sink in and I believe it.

    Sometimes, the conflict and the conflicting party are worth a resolution and sometimes they're not. I'd just like all the information possible from both sides to be able to decide.
    Completely agreed. That's me too.

  9. #9
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    I have to remind myself that some people desire the conflict for whatever reason. Some people need to assume the worst in order for their world to make sense to them. Sometimes interacting with people seems like walking around in a mine field. There is so much misapplied anger and confusion. I do my best to resolve conflicts, but some have to be left as they are.

    My concern is that it seems like when people are sincere, any conflict can be avoided by being truthful and respectful. Conflict seems to be the product of blind spots in perception and faulty assumptions. Leaving these uncorrected feels emotionally inefficient and like a waste.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  10. #10
    Senior Member ENFJ_Catholic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Unresolved conflict is really disconcerting to me, especially if there is no possible outlet to deal with it proactively. It makes me restless and I don't sleep or eat well. I feel physically sick to my stomach and I need to be physically distant for quite awhile to actually detach myself from it. I wonder how it works for other types. Perhaps it is an F thing. Or an NF thing. Or maybe just INFJ.

    About the worst thing another person could do is to ignore verbal or written attempts to get enough information to shed light on the problem or to resolve it.
    It bothers the dickens out of me. It must be resolved. I think it's a xNxJ thing.
    "In the end it is not a matter of reason; it is a matter of love." - St. Thomas More

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