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  1. #1
    Member MattC333's Avatar
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    Default ENFPs - Do you get...

    ...angry and manipulative when people don't do something that you believe to be a good cause?

    I've got a best mate who's an audio-visual wizard. I'm working with someone on organising a massive fundraiser for CF (which he has) and want to arrange a massive music event for it.

    I've asked my friend to do either the audio or visual and his reaction was 'well I might have paid work on, so may not be able to do it...'

    This blew my top...I actually told him if he didn't think charity work was more important than what the f**k is the point of doing any work? We should be putting our skills to good use, not thinking about money all the time. This is a one off gig and you're more worried about getting paid? You're a selfish **** for thinking that way, I can't believe you!!!

    He's not too happy with me but said he'll do it IF he's not working.

    Do any other ENFPs get like this? I really did lose it...to me, charity does take precedence, I'm only asking for a small amount of his time and I'm surprised at his lack of concern. He's one of my best friends because he is so morally upright, this is out of character for him and I'm not impressed. :S I probably shouldn't have lost it though, he's right to have the choice and say no, but I really thought he'd care...
    Never stick your d*ck in pudding...You can spend all day talking about how great it is but no-one will eat it 'cos you stuck your d*ck in it!!!

    "Does it involve wanton destruction?"
    "We can only hope"

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by MattC333 View Post
    ...angry and manipulative when people don't do something that you believe to be a good cause?

    I've got a best mate who's an audio-visual wizard. I'm working with someone on organising a massive fundraiser for CF (which he has) and want to arrange a massive music event for it.

    I've asked my friend to do either the audio or visual and his reaction was 'well I might have paid work on, so may not be able to do it...'

    This blew my top...I actually told him if he didn't think charity work was more important than what the f**k is the point of doing any work? We should be putting our skills to good use, not thinking about money all the time. This is a one off gig and you're more worried about getting paid? You're a selfish **** for thinking that way, I can't believe you!!!

    He's not too happy with me but said he'll do it IF he's not working.

    Do any other ENFPs get like this? I really did lose it...to me, charity does take precedence, I'm only asking for a small amount of his time and I'm surprised at his lack of concern. He's one of my best friends because he is so morally upright, this is out of character for him and I'm not impressed. :S I probably shouldn't have lost it though, he's right to have the choice and say no, but I really thought he'd care...
    I don't get angry. If something won't work I don't care. But I am always manipulative. I compliment a lot and stuff. I can make people do everything for me.

  3. #3
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    I think ENFJs are more "angry and manipulative". You know, they are born dictators.

  4. #4
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Matt, try and see it from his pov. If he is self-employed, working on a big project for a long time that doesn't pay is highly unwise. The fact that he's willing to do it inbetween, should mean the world to you, especially if he doesn't share your ideals. It means that he values you enough to do it, for you. That, right there, is a form of manipulation. Your likability gets you the resources you need. And yes, if it is a charity, the charity should understand that volunteers need to free time in their schedules and do have to make a living meanwhile.

    And, kudos to your buddy for knowing you well enough and not holding your outburst against you. Repair the damage asap, and make sure that when the time comes, you're there to help him manage both worlds, so he can help you in turn. That way, everyone wins.

    I used to get like this. It doesn't help sway people to our side. IME, the method above does

    PS manipulation aka guilttripping when angry is something many people are highly aversive to. Besides, we rule at manipulation when we're not even conscious we're doing it, like when we really dote on someone and like them genuinly. Just an afterthought.
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  5. #5
    Member MattC333's Avatar
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    Hehe, thanks Amargith. He's an ENFJ by the way. And actually it's usually him that gets like this...
    I've apologised, said I didn't mean to lose it, it's just this is so important to me and is such a tiny commitment.

    The event is only 1 day and I figured considering I have done tons for him lately, that he really wouldn't mind him helping me for such a noble cause.
    He's a film student and having a fundraiser on his CV would be great so when I asked I did have that in mind, that it would give him something back.
    He's on his gap year for work and while he may have stuff coming up, I'm sure they'll let him have one day off to do this.
    He dismissed it before I could give him more info which i think is why I snapped.
    I asked if he'd be interesting in doing this event and he instantly replied with 'well I'm probably busy' and I took a bit too much offence to that. Took it too personally which is all to common for me. I'd have understood more if I was asking for alot more of his time. I'm trying not to be stubborn here, I can find other people but considering what this will do for his CV and the fact that he is my friend, he was my first choice.
    Never stick your d*ck in pudding...You can spend all day talking about how great it is but no-one will eat it 'cos you stuck your d*ck in it!!!

    "Does it involve wanton destruction?"
    "We can only hope"

  6. #6
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    He could've just had an off day where he was feeling overwhelmed by all the work he has to do already. Ask again, and make it worth his while. I doubt he'll turn you down, if he is in fact an ENFJ
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  7. #7
    Member MattC333's Avatar
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    He's out in Germany, seeing his GF and getting lots and lots of sex! If he's not in a good mood after that, I'll never be able to ask him! :P

    I'll try again later
    Never stick your d*ck in pudding...You can spend all day talking about how great it is but no-one will eat it 'cos you stuck your d*ck in it!!!

    "Does it involve wanton destruction?"
    "We can only hope"

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by MattC333 View Post
    He's out in Germany, seeing his GF and getting lots and lots of sex! If he's not in a good mood after that, I'll never be able to ask him! :P

    I'll try again later
    Sad story.

  9. #9
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    I get pissed off inside and they go down a notch in my books, but I just smile and say "of course, I understand perfectly" since I wouldn't want someone to do something they didn't actually want to do of their own accord.

    Forcing, manipulating, or using coercion to get what I want isn't really my thing at all.

    I liken it to putting a spell on someone to get them to love you, it's not really love, it's fake. Them doing what I want, not because they genuinely wanted to, but only because I made them, isn't good enough for me.

    I would have understood in the above situation though, I am all for charities but I wouldn't want to get between a friend and their pay, otherwise they could end up needing charity too.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

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  10. #10
    Member MattC333's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hommefatal View Post
    Sad story.
    Aye, it's a tale of woe!

    BE, I know what you mean, getting someone to do something on false pretences would slowly eat at me, even though I am extremely good at doing it.

    He's hardly like to become charity! Not on his projected salary! That's what really bit me, 1 day = extreme CV prestige and higher chances for better jobs vs work being a bit snarky for 1 day because he wants some time off...

    I'm going round in circles 'I understand he's of work but it's only a day...But it IS his career so this should be fine, its ok...BUT it's CHARITY so he should blah blah' *repeat until head implodes.
    Never stick your d*ck in pudding...You can spend all day talking about how great it is but no-one will eat it 'cos you stuck your d*ck in it!!!

    "Does it involve wanton destruction?"
    "We can only hope"

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