[MBTI General] INFJ & INTP relationship?

[Sarcasticus]

Now that's just foolishness. You can't write in the journal while the indifferent party is actually there. It's only fun if they really want to know. Or you're alone for a self-indulgent emotionfest that no one has to witness.

Usually I walk in on the said journaling. It's not done in a passive-aggressive this-is-all-going-in-down-my-report kind of way.

 

[Fidelia]

Ha Ha - I can so identify. That's really funny...

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Push/Pull is a good way to describe it. I like to think they're like cats. If you want them too much they push you away. Indifference FTW. Works every time.

No, please don't be indifferent

 

[Twixt]

Usually I'm the one who's clamming up, while my INFJ's trying to ask questions and get me to open up. I like the INFJ, but I don't know if i can trust said INFJ that much yet.

The INFJ has been the one pursuing the relationship - calling, initiating meetups, texting, emailing, everything. But I'm actually unsure of how committed this INFJ will be - fidelity-wise. We haven't known each other for very long (about 4 months). I can tell the INFJ's definitely 'into' me romantically. Also, INFJ compliments me on quite a lot of things and sometimes I don't know how to reply (because I doubt the sincerity..) so I don't, or just laugh it off.

What's holding me back is how we've known each other for such a short time and he seems quite into making the relationship work but his friends are disgusted with him for chasing me so (I quote) "shamelessly". This makes me realise - I hardly know anything about him apart from what he tells me, or what I see when the two of us are together, because we come from rather different social circles. I can't tell what he's like usually - around his friends, in class, etc. Which bothers me... quite a lot. I like/need to know how the person is consistently before committing..

 

[Sarcasticus]

Usually I'm the one who's clamming up, while my INFJ's trying to ask questions and get me to open up. I like the INFJ, but I don't know if i can trust said INFJ that much yet.

The INFJ has been the one pursuing the relationship - calling, initiating meetups, texting, emailing, everything. But I'm actually unsure of how committed this INFJ will be - fidelity-wise. We haven't known each other for very long (about 4 months). I can tell the INFJ's definitely 'into' me romantically. Also, INFJ compliments me on quite a lot of things and sometimes I don't know how to reply (because I doubt the sincerity..) so I don't, or just laugh it off.

What's holding me back is how we've known each other for such a short time and he seems quite into making the relationship work but his friends are disgusted with him for chasing me so (I quote) "shamelessly". This makes me realise - I hardly know anything about him apart from what he tells me, or what I see when the two of us are together, because we come from rather different social circles. I can't tell what he's like usually - around his friends, in class, etc. Which bothers me... quite a lot. I like/need to know how the person is consistently before committing..

What makes you doubt his fidelity? If I've learned one thing about INFJs-- the ones I've met anyway-- it's that they're faithful and loyal to a fault and will stay in a relationship long after most other types would have identified the situation as hopeless and moved on. They have an unassailable code of ethics.

Then again the INFJs I know were all women so take that for what it's worth.

 

[hommefatal]

I think types with opposite decision-making and same information-gathering work well together usually.

 

[the state i am in]

we do hide/deflect at times. we are VERY tentative about being found out bc the feeling of rejection from someone who we feel actually DOES recognize us as we want to be seen would kill us (enneagram 4s).

intp is a great mindmate. great to talk to, shoot the shit with, play games, gather ideas, brainstorm, critique, make up stories. they have a different langauge for expressing significance that in my experience was not natural for me to interpret and act upon. the warmth of other Fi types is more re-assuring, helps motivate me to want together and share experiences. intps force you to get your shit together, but that feels different than being helpful in some strange and undefined way to me. the holistic judgment of a feeler needs more causal connections underneath, yes, but it also needs harmony bc that's how it operates. both can be helpful and productive, emotional subjectivity and the sense of self we use to see the world thru are both very important to us.

but damn i do love me some good Ti. (also Ne). both inp types serve a strange third function for me when their Si remembers what the fuck we were talking about, they make much better storytellers than me and help give me the space to run wild w Ni and keep following strange pathways bc if we get stuck their Ne can get us back on track and if i get lost they remember where we left off.

also: indifference is NOT good for us. the only thing guaranteed from that is a flippant sayonora. altho, in a serious relationship, intps can be grounding for infjs when they don't overreact and emotionally attend to every problem, giving them space but also consistency and rational reasonable responses.

 

[Twixt]

What makes you doubt his fidelity? If I've learned one thing about INFJs-- the ones I've met anyway-- it's that they're faithful and loyal to a fault and will stay in a relationship long after most other types would have identified the situation as hopeless and moved on. They have an unassailable code of ethics.

Then again the INFJs I know were all women so take that for what it's worth.

Well, I admit i'm a bit paranoid, or at least erring on the side of caution - im an enneagram type 6, so that might stand for something.

He's an Enneagram Type 3 and I'm afraid 'high profile' females are more of 'accolades' to add to his 'inventory'. If another such girl comes by, I don't know what he'll do? He seems to have a reputation for being a slight player. His 'shameless' pursuit of females is questioned and even frowned upon by his friends.

However, this is probably way more to do with our individual values and maturity levels and less to do with MBTI type. I think Enneagram type is actually more relavant than MBTI type in this case...

 

[Fluffywolf]

INTP and INFJ = win.

I hope to run in to an INFJ someday again.

 

[Twixt]

I hope to run in to an INFJ someday again.

What happened? How/why did it end?

 

[Fluffywolf]

Death, not much that could be done about that.

 

[Twixt]

I am so sorry. Didn't realise.

 

[Fluffywolf]

It's not like I advertise it. Altho this is already like the third time it has come up on these forums. It's been quite a few years ago though, I'm well past it now.


Anyhow, INTP->INFJ is a good match, if you ask me. o/

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

What makes you doubt his fidelity? If I've learned one thing about INFJs-- the ones I've met anyway-- it's that they're faithful and loyal to a fault and will stay in a relationship long after most other types would have identified the situation as hopeless and moved on. They have an unassailable code of ethics.

Then again the INFJs I know were all women so take that for what it's worth.

yeah, pretty much pegs me. but.

i have this infj guy friend (who i keep in touch with via email) and he does love him some woman. haha. he's married in a very ltr, but they have some sort of 'understanding' between them; a don't-ask-don't-tell sort of arrangement......anyway, i like keeping in touch with him mainly (and i hate to admit this) because his stories of debauchery are so entertaining for me.

the sub-love-life is fascinating. that he really likes these girls, i've no doubt whatsoever. and it's not like he's a huge whore, imo. but there is always a side-line girl, for the most part. and if there's not, he's working it. but, anyway, he'll meet this young girl, usually 10-20 years younger than himself, and they'll share some mutual interest and have sex fairly quickly (like first night or sometimes a little later), then she'll be really into him, and bombard him with texts, pics, email, pcs, whatever.

from what i've seen, he's pretty true to his new lover. so, he's not a playa in the full sense of the word. he isn't into her as much as she is him, probably because he has his real family and doesn't allow all his barriers to come down (in fact he tells me this--i'm like his only confidante in his deviant wanderings), but he does let them closer than he really intends. he currently has a tenacious one who is getting in further than he really (said he) wanted. but he's still looking on the sidelines, and has one or two or three others lined up and sorta waiting.........

mind you, i don't necessarily admire nor condone this. i just observe and marvel at human nature. i wonder about guys (people) to whom others flock and what makes them so flockable. i think he's such a chick magnet because he knows just what to say and says it with sincerity, but also because (as ladder theory already states...haha!) he's simply unavailable!

as to the OP: i think this goes beyond mbti for you maybe. you sound like you're in school. if it's high school, (or even college) you could simply be wary because he's a guy and you're a girl and guys want to get in girl's pants. young guys (all guys?) are (typically) horny and not always able to put your best interests above their own..............time will tell if he's worthy, infj or no.

 

[mortabunt]

INTP/INFJ is very tidal. It's like trying to get a cat to be interested in what you want it to have interest in. If only hits the cork when you go to watch TV. I love cats.

 

[A Schnitzel]

My parents are INTP/INFJ.
They're happy. It's not the only combination that can work well, but from what I've seen it's far from the worst.