[MBTI General] INFJ & INTP relationship?

[Twixt]

Thoughts? Experiences? How did it turn out?

Edit: Usually, does the difficulty of the INTP in opening up cause the INFJ to feel hurt and back away?

 

[Sarcasticus]

Thoughts? Experiences? How did it turn out?

I've had a couple of experiences with INFJs. Amazing connection. The INFJ gives the INTP an interesting puzzle to solve. And the INTP feels he has someone to bounce complex topics off -- since the INFJ's eyes don't immediately glaze over -- this causes him to open up more and the INFJ appreciates this.

And I think INTPs love the INFJs whimsical nature and entirely different way of looking at things and the world in general.

Some pitfalls though: if the INFJs J is too strong it can cause some issues around the lack of spontaneity and willingness to see other viewpoints for the INTP. If the INTPs Fe is very weak this can cause the INFJ to want for a more emotional connection.

 

[hokie912]

I was actually wondering about INFJ-INTP relationships, too. Sharing a fairly dark sense of humor draws me to one INTP I know, and there's a lot of fun, somewhat flirty banter. It doesn't seem quite right as far as romantic connections go, though, and I can't put my finger on why.

 

[Totenkindly]

I was just talking to an INFJ about dynamics here... and while there seems to be a chemistry there (I sense how deep and intriguing the INFJ is), if they are self-protective I get this weird push/pull vibe... like anytime I try to see in more deeply and clarify things, they dodge or deflect and I can never see clearly into them... which frustrates me and leaves me feeling rejected. But it's really weird -- I get the vibe they REALLY like me, but when I try to do what is natural for me and "get inside" to see everything up close, they pull away and/or hide/deflect.

 

[Sarcasticus]

Push/Pull is a good way to describe it. I like to think they're like cats. If you want them too much they push you away. Indifference FTW. Works every time.

Attentive listening is key, too. If you want to "see in" you have to open up a topic for discussion without making them feel like you're being pushy, or prying too much.

 

[Fidelia]

How do you try to see things up close and how do they hide? I never really thought of us being hiders, unless we feel like someone isn't going to play nicely and be respectful of what they find. Now I'm curious.

 

[EJCC]

Thoughts? Experiences? How did it turn out?

Edit: Usually, does the difficulty of the INTP in opening up cause the INFJ to feel hurt and back away?

My parents are INTP and INFJ. It works well. They've been married for a very long time.

The closest they've had to type-related relationship trouble has been when my dad (the INTP) has had a bad day and blows up (from the suppressed emotions of the past days/weeks). It's valid/understandable, but hard to deal with (you can't reason with him at that stage), and it hurts my sensitive INFJ mom. (This is ironic, because it's the opposite problem of what's in your edit.)

Besides that, they're the picture-perfect (albeit antisocial) marriage.

Sharing a fairly dark sense of humor draws me to one INTP I know, and there's a lot of fun, somewhat flirty banter.

Yeah, banter is a big part of my parents' relationship. It can be entertaining

 

[Fidelia]

Oops, Sarcasticus beat me to the punch. Yes, I can understand that we clam up if it feels like we there is any coersion. Unfortunately although indifference always makes us want to get closer, then we feel bad if the other person doesn't respond. I guess you just can't win!

 

[Fidelia]

Does the mutual interest in each other and the double I-ness make for reclusiveness as a rule?

 

[Sarcasticus]

Oops, Sarcasticus beat me to the punch. Yes, I can understand that we clam up if it feels like we there is any coersion. Unfortunately although indifference always makes us want to get closer, then we feel bad if the other person doesn't respond. I guess you just can't win!

Indifference in the sense that it doesn't seem like you're seeking answers for that big dossier you're keeping of that person in your head.

 

[Fidelia]

Oh, it's okay. We've got an even bigger one for you on the go. You just don't care as much what it says.

 

[Athenian200]

Indifference FTW. Works every time.

Ah... I wouldn't be so sure. If someone treats me indifferently, I'm likely to just assume they're not in the mood to interact with me, so I respect their wishes by moving further away. In fact, the only people I ever find myself talking to are the ones who push to stay in touch with me. I seem to find myself drifting away from the others.

 

[Sarcasticus]

Oh, it's okay. We've got an even bigger one for you on the go. You just don't care as much what it says.

Oh don't I know it.

Also when the journal comes out and she starts writing I know I've done something either really good or really bad. .

Yes, it's all about me.

 

[Fidelia]

Really? Indifference KILLS me. I must correct it, until I know one way or the other. If I knew they just mildly disliked me, that's when I'd drift away.

Even hatred is much better than indifference for me - at least you're worth the effort of having an opinion about and interacting with (and there's always the possibility of charming the person enough to make them do a complete turnaround).

 

[Fidelia]

Now that's just foolishness. You can't write in the journal while the indifferent party is actually there. It's only fun if they really want to know. Or you're alone for a self-indulgent emotionfest that no one has to witness.

 

[Sarcasticus]

I was actually wondering about INFJ-INTP relationships, too. Sharing a fairly dark sense of humor draws me to one INTP I know, and there's a lot of fun, somewhat flirty banter. It doesn't seem quite right as far as romantic connections go, though, and I can't put my finger on why.

Ah it's that elusive something. . . chemistry. Personality type can only take you so far. Not a guarantee for sparks.

 

[hokie912]

Ah it's that elusive something. . . chemistry. Personality type can only take you so far. Not a guarantee for sparks.

So very true. Obvious, and yet I can't help but think, "Why ISN'T there chemistry?" when everything else would be perfect. It always seems to work out that way.

 

[Sarcasticus]

So very true. Obvious, and yet I can't help but think, "Why ISN'T there chemistry?" when everything else would be perfect. It always seems to work out that way.

Maybe he's not putting himself out there in a sexual way? Just a guess. Also I'm assuming you're a girl.

 

[Totenkindly]

Push/Pull is a good way to describe it. I like to think they're like cats. If you want them too much they push you away. Indifference FTW. Works every time.

Funny, that is just what i told someone in e-mail.

And yes, just like a cat. If you want to pet them (out of love), they freakin' run and hide under the sofa as if you plan to beat them. So you sit down and read a book, sort of miffed, and suddenly they're rubbing against your arm... until of course you LOOK at them and they disappear again.

 

[hokie912]

Maybe he's not putting himself out there in a sexual way? Just a guess. Also I'm assuming you're a girl.

I'm a girl. I think, ultimately, I'm trying to oversimplify it by ascribing whatever issues there are to type, when what's really going on is that I have a longstanding friendship where things have shifted around recently. I'm getting more of a romantically interested vibe from him and am intrigued, but it's awkward.