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  1. #51
    Junior Member limerence's Avatar
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    Do you compliment in person or on paper or both?

    Only in person and pretty rarely. I feel like most complements come off as superficial, so I only say them if I really mean them.
    Writing a complement on paper feels pretty sappy to me so I never do that.
    As an NF, what would be the best type of compliment to you and in what form would you like to receive it?
    I'm not a huge fan of compliments but usually I like it when other girls tell me I'm pretty in person since I have low self esteem.
    Do you consider MBTI type when you give someone a compliment? I haven't too much in the past, but think it's worth looking into.
    Nope -- I consider general personality but not MBTI type.
    Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? Would you prefer them on paper or in person?
    Not really -- I feel pretty insincere and ungrateful which is why compliments make me a bit uncomfortable. I feel like getting a complement as a text makes it less awkward to deal with.
    What types do you think shy away from open emotion the most?
    It all depends on the person but if I had to pick a couple types...ISTP and INTJ...

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I dated an ESTJ for several years who didn't like it when I wrote him a note saying all the things I liked about him, or if we had an especially good weekend or he did something really nice for me etc and I wrote him. He would never acknowledge that he even got anything and he later told me (during a heated exchange) it made him feel "very awkward" because he didn't know what to say. And although he did value many things about me, he found it awkward to know how to say those things. After awhile, I felt rejected and quit expressing appreciation as often.

    I realized a couple of things later. I can give compliments and thank yous in person like "I really like your dress" or "Good job on that paper" etc, but if it something more involved than that, or that includes personal characteristics, I would likely write it. That is because I would be pleased if someone were to do that for me, it would avoid the embarrassment of face to face responding, and it would be something I could look back and on reread when I needed a pick-me-up. I also am likely to say more in writing than I would face to face.

    On this forum, I was discussing with an ESTJ what she would prefer to be complimented on and also in what form. She said that in writing would seem far too much like the other person is pouring their soul out and also that things like reliability, consistency etc would by far be the qualities that would make her happiest to be complimented on. As a teacher, it is interesting to see how each of the four types really prefer different kinds of compliments and in different forms.

    So here are my questions. Answer whichever you like and let this thread go whichever direction it will.

    1. NFs generally do like to show their appreciation. Does it take different forms depending on which kind of NF you are? Do you compliment in person or on paper or both?
    2. As an NF, what would be the best type of compliment to you and in what form would you like to receive it?
    3. Do you consider MBTI type when you give someone a compliment? I haven't too much in the past, but think it's worth looking into.
    4. Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? Would you prefer them on paper or in person?
    5. What types do you think shy away from open emotion the most?
    1. I do both but on paper, I give more personalized compliments.
    2. A personalized compliment emphasizing my character.
    3. Yes. I will go all out for NFs. For SFs, it's more sweet and to the point. For Ts, I will be sweet but give them concrete examples/reasons for the compliment so we don't get into a logical argument about the accuracy of it. For example, "Your toned down emotionality is kind of refreshing.... that's one of the many things I like about you.
    4. I am skeptical of most compliments because I tend to inspire really intense compliments from people so I think they are BSing me.
    5. IXTJs... at least with me... but I eventually wear them down.

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I dated an ESTJ for several years who didn't like it when I wrote him a note saying all the things I liked about him, or if we had an especially good weekend or he did something really nice for me etc and I wrote him. He would never acknowledge that he even got anything and he later told me (during a heated exchange) it made him feel "very awkward" because he didn't know what to say. And although he did value many things about me, he found it awkward to know how to say those things. After awhile, I felt rejected and quit expressing appreciation as often.

    I realized a couple of things later. I can give compliments and thank yous in person like "I really like your dress" or "Good job on that paper" etc, but if it something more involved than that, or that includes personal characteristics, I would likely write it. That is because I would be pleased if someone were to do that for me, it would avoid the embarrassment of face to face responding, and it would be something I could look back and on reread when I needed a pick-me-up. I also am likely to say more in writing than I would face to face.

    On this forum, I was discussing with an ESTJ what she would prefer to be complimented on and also in what form. She said that in writing would seem far too much like the other person is pouring their soul out and also that things like reliability, consistency etc would by far be the qualities that would make her happiest to be complimented on. As a teacher, it is interesting to see how each of the four types really prefer different kinds of compliments and in different forms.

    So here are my questions. Answer whichever you like and let this thread go whichever direction it will.

    1. NFs generally do like to show their appreciation. Does it take different forms depending on which kind of NF you are? Do you compliment in person or on paper or both?
    2. As an NF, what would be the best type of compliment to you and in what form would you like to receive it?
    3. Do you consider MBTI type when you give someone a compliment? I haven't too much in the past, but think it's worth looking into.
    4. Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? Would you prefer them on paper or in person?
    5. What types do you think shy away from open emotion the most?
    1. When I was younger I was more apt to pour my heart out on paper. I don't really do that anymore. These days I would give a simple compliment in person.
    2. I do like to know that my help is appreciated. I also like for my work to be complimented. I'm not moved much by comments about my looks.
    3. I don't consider MBTI when deciding to compliment someone. I consider what they seem to value and also what insecurities they may need shored up a little.
    4. I am very comfortable with compliments but I am also comfortable with criticism. I wasn't this way when I was younger. I just consider it all possibly useful information now. In person or on paper would be fine.
    5. Hhmmmm... ISTP??? I don't know but any type can get uncomfortable with compliments when they don't have really solid self esteem. Being the center of attention is hard for some. And others may have a self image that conflicts with the compliment. I think most people tend to outgrow that sort of reaction.

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