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  1. #41
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I like cuddles better...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  2. #42
    Circus Maximus Sarcasticus's Avatar
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    4. Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? Would you prefer them on paper or in person?


    Either. I don't know why many people are so weird about compliments. How hard is it to just give a sincere "thank you"? I mean, unless the compliment is too gushy and effusive, which would come off kind of creepy to me.

    5. What types do you think shy away from open emotion the most?


    IxTx

  3. #43
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarcasticus View Post
    I don't know why many people are so weird about compliments. How hard is it to just give a sincere "thank you"? I mean, unless the compliment is too gushy and effusive, which would come off kind of creepy to me.
    easy, it's just being really aware of the underwritten intentions in communication. ie why are they saying this, do they really mean it, what is the purpose, what agenda, how does it relate to other things they say, how do i convey my own feelings, are they testing me, poking, prodding, what angle should i take to explain my own position on the matter, how much do i want to give away, how do i actually feel about the situation, this person, myself, this relationship, what do i want to happen, do i feel like deeply communicating or postponing such a moment, what kind of mood am i currently in, is it worth it to be open and honest, do i have anything honest to give and if not is it worth saying anything? etc

    sincerity often takes time, effort, and patience (for us). it takes time to weigh everything out. an fp is more likely to have much pre-arranged and pre-sorted and recognize feeling involved in others, themselves, and relations much more quickly than Fe, but an Fe is likely to recognize the context and the overall quality of the meaning of the message/the authorial tone of the author more quickly than an Fi type. basically why we are both (nfj and nfp) skilled as bullshit detectors.

  4. #44
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I do believe though that any person can grow balanced and much more comfortable if they put practice doing something that does not seem natural to them.

    In many cases of receiving compliments, the discomfort appears to be centred around how to respond appropriately and to deal with the vulnerability that emotions may bring (being pleased, embarrassed, unsure, suspicious, shy, self-conscious, annoyed etc) when being complimented.

    The awkwardness in complimenting someone else centres more on the anticipated reaction of the receiver. I have discussed this with some NTs, here with NFs and with SJs and these concerns seem to hold true across the board, although the emotions involved and the ways of dealing with them are completely different.

  5. #45
    Circus Maximus Sarcasticus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    easy, it's just being really aware of the underwritten intentions in communication. ie why are they saying this, do they really mean it, what is the purpose, what agenda, how does it relate to other things they say, how do i convey my own feelings, are they testing me, poking, prodding, what angle should i take to explain my own position on the matter, how much do i want to give away, how do i actually feel about the situation, this person, myself, this relationship, what do i want to happen, do i feel like deeply communicating or postponing such a moment, what kind of mood am i currently in, is it worth it to be open and honest, do i have anything honest to give and if not is it worth saying anything? etc

    sincerity often takes time, effort, and patience (for us). it takes time to weigh everything out. an fp is more likely to have much pre-arranged and pre-sorted and recognize feeling involved in others, themselves, and relations much more quickly than Fe, but an Fe is likely to recognize the context and the overall quality of the meaning of the message/the authorial tone of the author more quickly than an Fi type. basically why we are both (nfj and nfp) skilled as bullshit detectors.
    I hear you. I used to have trouble with compliments when I was much younger until I just thought saying "thank you" was probably all they wanted to hear if it was sincere, and left it at that. If they wanted more, or there's an angle to the compliment, well then that's a separate issue that will reveal itself in time.

    Having said that, I do detest patronizers and phonies. Or people that are fishing for a reciprocal compliment.

  6. #46
    Senior Member scortia's Avatar
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    1. NFs generally do like to show their appreciation. Does it take different forms depending on which kind of NF you are? Do you compliment in person or on paper or both?
    I only compliment when it's warranted. I'm not the type to say "Oh that's a beautiful blouse" to people. I don't compliment on paper... that seems even weirder to me.

    2. As an NF, what would be the best type of compliment to you and in what form would you like to receive it?

    A like being complimented for my convictions, my ideas, and for the effort I put towards what I do. Physical compliments annoy me. In person is fine... I once had an online admirer and when he told me how much he admired my personality and ethics through emails it was creepy. Not sure if it was because of the amount of compliments or it being not in person.

    3. Do you consider MBTI type when you give someone a compliment? I haven't too much in the past, but think it's worth looking into.
    Not really. But I can tell what sort of person lives for compliments or despises them.

    4. Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? Would you prefer them on paper or in person?

    My motto for years and years has been that I can cope better in a hostile, unappreciated environment more than one showered in compliments.

    5. What types do you think shy away from open emotion the most?

    NT?

  7. #47
    Member Saffronsocks's Avatar
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    1. NFs generally do like to show their appreciation. Does it take different forms depending on which kind of NF you are? Do you compliment in person or on paper or both?
    I do like to compliment, I usually find it easy, at least if it's on a quality that I really admire. I'll throw out "nice shoes" if they're awesome, and have been known to applaud people's choice of phrasing while we're mid-conversation - although only with people who I feel would be comfortable with both praise and randomness. I like writing it out best, but only to my most treasured friends... I think somehow it's more of a tangible gift that way. And absolutely no way do I ever just compliment because I have to - I haven't even figured out how to do that and still seem sincere.

    In class I'll even avoid talking to people if they're working on paintings that I know they're insecure about and that I haven't figured out yet... although you'd be amazed at how far "nice use of blue!" will get you.
    (art school, man, full of NFs!)

    2. As an NF, what would be the best type of compliment to you and in what form would you like to receive it?

    I like sincere compliments on parts of me that I'm not very aware of, things that actually make me stop and wonder at A: my own nature, and B: the creativity and/or insight of the giver.

    3. Do you consider MBTI type when you give someone a compliment? I haven't too much in the past, but think it's worth looking into.
    I've refrained from going on with the thank yous when dealing with NTs and I'll tone things way back with Is.

    4. Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? Would you prefer them on paper or in person?

    I really hate being gushed over, though, especially in person. I'm a master deflector of attention, I think people have been known to get whiplash while I steer things from "you're such a good cook!" to "yeah, and did you know kiwis aren't tropical at all and that's why they're so local and fresh and the muffins taste nice, yes that's why !!"

    I like my compliments unspoken. You know when someone appreciates you for whatever subtle reason. And if you do say it in person, for the love of all things casual make it a dry offhand remark.

    5. What types do you think shy away from open emotion the most?

    Prototypes

  8. #48
    Anamolic Amalgamation Forever's Avatar
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    1. NFs generally do like to show their appreciation. Does it take different forms depending on which kind of NF you are? Do you compliment in person or on paper or both?

    Possibly INFP's consistently like writing more. I like both but it's easier and more meaningful in my opinion to say it to their face. Can't say for the others, but speculating here, ENFJs may prefer saying it more than writing it or maybe compliment you in front of their friends or family.

    2. As an NF, what would be the best type of compliment to you and in what form would you like to receive it?

    Really it doesn't have to be words, I like compliments that describe on things that I do, not necessarily what I own, but complimenting on my music taste is not a bad way to go. (as long as you're honest though lol)

    3. Do you consider MBTI type when you give someone a compliment? I haven't too much in the past, but think it's worth looking into.


    With sensors, I'd probably compliment more on their hobbies and especially materials they own, as some may be very proud of their taste in fashion or artwork, or maybe things like their garden or cooking. Intuitives on their ideas and ideals more.

    4. Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? Would you prefer them on paper or in person?


    Actually I hate it when people tell me good job during a race I run in, unless I'm in the top lol. So I prefer more of encouragement in the moment.
    Otherwise when I am calm, I am more to say thank you. But I know there are plenty who are saying that to set up for them to be complimented.
    When someone takes the time to actually hand-write a letter. That is one of the most endearing things and it's highly likely to be sincere.

    5. What types do you think shy away from open emotion the most?

    Te dominant and auxiliary types.

  9. #49
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    I think it's because I compliment others a lot (less often than I'm compelled to, honestly) and that it's partially an attempt at making a connection and also building a person up. And I guess I do that because that's my 'love language' so to speak.

    So when someone gives me a compliment, I think it means a little too much to me than I think it should, so I get awkward as fuck.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  10. #50
    empress Nørrsken's Avatar
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    1. NFs generally do like to show their appreciation. Does it take different forms depending on which kind of NF you are? Do you compliment in person or on paper or both? Giving, as well as receiving, compliments is very hard for me to take for some strange reason. I always feel awkward when someone compliments me or when I think it is time for me to compliment somebody else. It feels forced in a strange way. But, in a way, I love it when somebody compliments me with something genuine, something about my personality, or my wit, my intelligence, that sort of thing.

    I, of course, enjoy writing compliments to people, but it still feels a little forced. I do enjoy writing love letters and romantic stories, of course.

    2. As an NF, what would be the best type of compliment to you and in what form would you like to receive it?
    Like I said above, a genuine and heartfelt compliment about something that is inside of me, and not something that appears outward or something that I own materialistically. I'd rather want to hear "You are an amazing friend." rather than "You have lovely hair!"

    3. Do you consider MBTI type when you give someone a compliment? I haven't too much in the past, but think it's worth looking into. Nope, never.

    4. Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? Would you prefer them on paper or in person? It all depends on the message and the messenger, and I don't mind them whether in person or in pen.

    5. What types do you think shy away from open emotion the most? Hard to say, though T types are notorious for shying away from emotional expressions, not that they are bad people for it, everybody is just different like that.
    I'll follow her into the depths
    I'll find warmth in the steel of her glare
    I'll hear music in the darkness of her silence
    Don't leave me there.

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