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  1. #31
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    I only give compliments if they are genuine and I feel safe exposing it. I was a real compliment-spiller during my work with our school play. I'm also better at giving compliments when the atmosphere is relaxed and chatty. Basically when ENFPs I'm friends with are around
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
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    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  2. #32
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Do you ever just become indifferent about people and drift away, or would you feel you needed to let them know you are not interested in continuing on anymore? How would you show overt dislike of someone?

    ...

    What do you do when you feel emotion, or is it experienced in a more intellectual way? For example, even when I know worry is unreasonable and I have been proactive about directing my thoughts, my stomach might feel sick whether I am intentionally worrying or not.
    I do drift away because I'm always indifferent. Or rather, you can be extremely relevant in my life this week and totally forgotten about the next week. But you can reappear again quite easily. I think that Ne doms have this problem (ENFPs also) but I could be mistaken - maybe it's just me... But if someone really bothers me to the point where I no longer want to deal with them anymore, I will just straight up tell that person that 'our personalities don't mesh, but no hard feelings.' And true to my word, there will be no hard feelings. Before it gets to that point, I will usually realize my dislike of said person by how often I am snapping at them, or giving one word answers.

    Also, it depends on the emotion. I feel emotions just like everyone else, but it's definitely not triggered by as many things. There are some surface emotions that I feel right away - like frustration, if someone is talking too slowly. Or excitement when I figure something out that I've been working on. But more intense emotions that are slow building are usually manifested physically first, before I register them emotionally. Like sometimes I am so angry that I am shaking before I realize how angry I am. Or I notice that I am slamming cabinets closed or something. There is like a mind/body disconnect. But once I realize it, then I am almost instantly taken out of it and don't really feel it anymore and look at that emotion as an objective observer. When my brother died when we were kids, my face was all wet before I knew I was crying. Once I realized I was crying, the urge to cry instantly stopped because I was so aware of it and couldn't get back into it, no matter how hard I tried. Any attempts to cry after that moment seemed fake, because I was trying to force myself. I thought a lot more about being sad than actually feeling the sadness.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Just as an aside - I should think that NFs would especially be annoying to you because of their tendancy to gush. What makes it worth putting up with? You have obviously chosen to have at least one NF friend and you hang out here too. Although I guess they wouldn't gush online nearly so much.
    I'm not going to say that anyone is annoying because I've been crucified on here a bit too much lately for "generalizing" and don't need that kind of drama, but I want to point out that I don't hang out in the Idyllic. I just click "new posts" at the top of the page and respond to threads I find interesting, without realizing what area they are in.

    And about not gushing online? if only that were true... But a person is made up of a sum of all their parts. My friends are awesome people that might irritate me at times, just like I must irritate them. But there are so many other great qualities in all of my friends.

    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    hahahahahhaha. so funny. my eyes are blurry even now. i've never heard of anyone with so many unread emails. that would drive me crazy!

    i read in, i think it was, Please Understand Me II NTs do not like redundant thanks because in the NT's mind if you say it more than once, she perceives it as you not really meaning it, otherwise, why would the thanker need to 'convince' you so much, by thanking you more than once. the person over-thanking loses validity in an NTs mind. i also read exactly what you said, that you hear things and note things very well the first time. you don't need to hear it again, and if you're subjected more than once, it's just a waste of your time, and therefore your boundaries are, in effect, crossed.
    Yes yes yes!!!!!!
    (also I have 22 unread PMs here in TypeC...)

    Quote Originally Posted by tibby View Post
    I once did it verbally in the presence of an ESTJ. It wasn't about compliments really, though, I wanted a person, who had a very low self-reliance/esteem to get sort of objective feedback about herself from her parent that has never acknowledged her in any way. The support and positive feedback she'd been lacking. Played a little devil's advocate there. I thought it'd be a good idea, but the ESTJ reacted peculiarly and got very upset and nervous. It was "against a code" or something, that people just don't compliment each other.
    How do you know that she was really that low or lacking? And why assume that praise would make it all better?

  3. #33
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    How do you know that she was really that low or lacking? And why assume that praise would make it all better?
    She told me. She said her low self-esteem is so low she doesn't bare the thought to be around others, that she's below everybody else. And also because she was diagnosed with severe depression and was offered intensive therapy mainly focusing on issues with the above-mentioned parental figure.

    I don't expect the praise to make it better. But I figured, it'd been a start, communication between the two, just ... something.

  4. #34
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    1. NFs generally do like to show their appreciation. Does it take different forms depending on which kind of NF you are?

    I'm not sure, I don't know how other NF's show appreciation.


    Do you compliment in person or on paper or both?

    Both, probably more verbal than on paper, but I can say it so much better on paper.

    2. As an NF, what would be the best type of compliment to you and in what form would you like to receive it?

    I would be embarrassed but I would rather it be verbal because I get to see the persons eyes at the same time which matters to me.
    I'm not sure what the best type of compliment would be to give me, I get a warm fuzzy feeling from just having all my support acknowledged in some way.


    3. Do you consider MBTI type when you give someone a compliment? I haven't too much in the past, but think it's worth looking into.

    No, not yet, although like you I think it's worth considering.


    4. Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? Would you prefer them on paper or in person?

    It depends on what the compliment was about, if it was about physical things, then no I'm not really comfortable with it, if it's about my work then I'm comfortable. I may blush a little but that's from happy feelings lol.

    I prefer in person.


    5. What types do you think shy away from open emotion the most?

    Maybe INTJ/P?
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  5. #35
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    When someone compliments me, needless to say, I feel really awkward and don't really know how to respond. I usually just smile, blush and thank the person under my breath with a flabbergasted look on my face.
    Despite that, I always appreciate compliments, via any medium. They can really make my day. I usually don't compliment others myself, if only subtly during a conversation, as I am just too shy.

  6. #36
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    I like complimenting people, when they deserve it, or whatever. I do it because it's kinda way of reassuring people, but don't get me wrong, I'm not gushing. Only when deserved.

    I like genuine compliments too...and feed back. I know most people operate on a "if you don't hear anything you are doing good" basis, but I like to know I'm doing the right thing. It's a way of touching base, I guess. I don't like when people gush. I don't trust it, but a well timed compliment can make my day/week.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

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  7. #37
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Yes yes yes!!!!!!
    (also I have 22 unread PMs here in TypeC...)
    then i feel particularly pleased..........
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

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  8. #38
    Allergic to Mornings ergophobe's Avatar
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    1. Do you compliment in person or on paper or both?
    I revel in giving compliments. I compliment in whatever medium possible - sign language (thumbs up sign, clapping gestures), words (can veer towards gushy sometimes when excited although always meant very sincerely), paper (my most favored medium because I love words).

    Having said that, I absolutely detest hearts/cards with hearts or flowers/cards with teddy bears or any such trite mushy symbol of affection or appreciation. I acknowledge most emotions are cliched because we are but tiny in the grand spectrum of the lived human experience and thus what we feel can only be so unique. Can't we at least *try* to express these feelings in a more unique manner? I really enjoy flirting. That is where I compliment best and need to be with someone who understands and appreciates that. If I get someone a card, it will be funny and contain a personal message.

    2. As an NF, what would be the best type of compliment to you and in what form would you like to receive it?

    I am *terrible* at receiving compliments in every area besides my work/intellectual abilities. I see that as an area of competence. I don't mind the format for compliments related to my abilities/skills - any is fine and welcome and I will enjoy them very much.

    3. Do you consider MBTI type when you give someone a compliment? I haven't too much in the past, but think it's worth looking into.

    No. I'm pretty new to the whole MBTI thing and am still discovering my own type so I am not confident enough to use type in that way. I am however good about remembering people's preferences and altering behavior to fit what works with them. If they seem awkward in receiving a certain type of compliment, I will not give it/ or in that format again.

    A recent experience with an NT has made me question my complimenting style. I am considering scaling back although I can't guarantee this will be possible or work. I have an irrepressible need to express what I feel clearly and honestly.

    4. Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? Would you prefer them on paper or in person?


    See above.

    5. What types do you think shy away from open emotion the most?
    Tdoms -- ENTPs/INTJs. I don't know many Ss in real life, unfortunately.

  9. #39
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    I love getting compliments but they make me incredibly uncomfortable. I never know how to react appropriately.

    I also like giving compliments, but I'm scared of making the other person uncomfortable.

    Damn Fe.

  10. #40
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    1. NFs generally do like to show their appreciation. Does it take different forms depending on which kind of NF you are? Do you compliment in person or on paper or both?

    If it's something little and on the spot, I'll say it out loud. Otherwise, I'm exactly like you. Writing feels a bit more personal without being intimate.

    2. As an NF, what would be the best type of compliment to you and in what form would you like to receive it?

    Writing is best for me. Best sort of compliment: Complimenting/recognizing my hard work or patience.

    3. Do you consider MBTI type when you give someone a compliment? I haven't too much in the past, but think it's worth looking into.

    I really don't at all.

    4. Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? Would you prefer them on paper or in person?

    Hahaha Not at all. I just prefer paper because I can simply say "thank you" in return without feeling too awkward. It's not that it's not appreciated, but I am not sure how to react.

    5. What types do you think shy away from open emotion the most?

    INTP.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

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