User Tag List

First 12345 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 53

  1. #21
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTp
    Posts
    6,387

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Jenocyde, you're hilarious. I knew that would be your reaction to the SilentStar's post.

    So is it feeling like you might slip up later that bothers you, or that the other person is expressing emotion that you don't know what to do with?

    What if you quit interacting regularly with the person? Can it then be assumed that you dislike their company (since spending time with them is assurance enough that you like them) or are you just busy doing something else?

    And yes, any NF apologizer that has anything to do with Ts learns to quit apologizing because it annoys them so badly. (Although usually they apologize for apologizing before they finally get the message).
    Lol, I appreciate SilentStar's honesty but the thought of receiving such a letter... wow.

    No, I'm not afraid that I will slip up - I'm just trying to illustrate that I don't like being appreciated for one aspect of myself. If a man says he loves my breasts repeatedly, how would I then feel after having a mastectomy? But really, it's more that I am extremely uncomfortable with excessive displays of emotion. And most displays are excessive to me. If I am sleeping with you, you are allowed a little more leeway, but for the most part, I don't like it. I get embarrassed beyond belief when I get flowers on Valentine's Day at the office where I used to work. It's just so damn cheesy. It was even worse when an ex showed up at the office with flowers and a teddy bear. I almost died.

    If I don't interact often with someone, I don't think twice about it. Especially if I know that we can pick up where we left off whenever we do speak again. If I don't spend time with you, it's always because I am distracted with other things. I have 87 unread emails in facebook, 202 unread ones in my personal email, my voice mail is currently full. I get distracted. If I no longer wish to be friends with any of these people that I have not responded to, I'll just tell them. But me not answering is not indicative of anything larger, it just means that I am dicking around on TypeC.

    Let me put it this way, if I tell a man that I love him, he should continue on with that knowledge unless otherwise informed. But please don't ask me to tell you again. And don't tell me with the hopes of hearing it return. Say it if you must, but don't go overboard or expect it back because I already told you last March. The fact that I am still with you speaks volumes.

  2. #22
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,106

    Default

    That makes sense...

    Anyone with any decency should know enough to not get a female NT a teddy bear! I hope you were the one who broke up with him, because he obviously didn't understand you!

    Do you ever just become indifferent about people and drift away, or would you feel you needed to let them know you are not interested in continuing on anymore? How would you show overt dislike of someone?

    What do you do when you feel emotion, or is it experienced in a more intellectual way? For example, even when I know worry is unreasonable and I have been proactive about directing my thoughts, my stomach might feel sick whether I am intentionally worrying or not. What I'm saying is, are emotions just not important to you or can they build up and burst out at some point? For example, one of the ESTJs started a thread on ESTJs and emotional outbursts. She suggested that because they shy away from emotion and "forget about" most little things that bug them, occasionally they have inappropriate and surprising outbursts, which mystify the exploder themselves because they are not used to analyzing their feelings or paying a lot of attention to them and they didn't feel it all creeping up on them till it was too late.

  3. #23
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,106

    Default

    Just as an aside - I should think that NFs would especially be annoying to you because of their tendancy to gush. What makes it worth putting up with? You have obviously chosen to have at least one NF friend and you hang out here too. Although I guess they wouldn't gush online nearly so much.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Silent Stars's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj
    Posts
    410

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Are you being serious?
    Yes, absolutely, but like I said, it's a VERY rare event. (I think the longest one I've written so far was four pages, front and back. I accidentally cried a bit on that one too, haha.) Most of the time, though, I just keep it fairly simple, like a thank you card or something, but not anything mushy or whatever...just something that I think would have personal meaning to them, like a card that uses a kind of humor that I know they like. (I'm very good at picking out cards that are totally perfect; they somehow stand out to me instantly, which is nice because then I don't have to spend time looking through the whole rack to find the right one, lol. It's fun.) For instance, several times at my previous job, whenever I'd hear of someone leaving, I'd get a card for them and go around asking people in our department to sign it and write stuff in it if they want to. The people I did that for really appreciated it, because otherwise, they'd just be gone, and nobody would care. It made me sad seeing that happen to people before, so I decided to do something about it.

    Also, when I give stuff to people, I don't really do any of the traditional things like flowers or chocolates or stuffed animals (I sometimes do flowers, though, but only small bunches, nothing extravagant, and make it be a kind that people don't normally give; I just pick whatever stands out to me at the moment.); I try to give them something that's unique and that I think will be regularly useful to them in some way, while also having sentimental value and remind them of why I gave it to them whenever they use it. I personally think that that's the best way to give people presents....the meaning behind it is far more important than what the present actually is, and it's best not to do it out of obligation, or merely do what everyone else normally does for the occasion just so you don't feel left out or whatever.

    Usually when I give things to people that are physical, they aren't actually presents, though...it's more simple things, like using a gift card I got for Christmas to buy pizza for friends when I hang out with them while watching a movie together, or giving someone extra food that I made because I accidentally made too much and I can't eat it all myself before it goes bad (especially if I know that they normally don't eat very healthy), or using the savings on my gas card to help my mom fill up her van because I can't use it myself (my car needs to be fixed, so it would be pointless to let those savings go to waste).

    For the NT girls that I've known, I find that just talking to them and showing that I'm interested in them and the things that they like and how they think works quite well. A smile every now and then also seems to be very well-received. Just doing those two things keeps them satisfied, without making them feel like I'm being overbearing or anything, cause I wouldn't want to just end up pushing them away. I love them just as much as anyone else, but I know not to overdo it.

    I don't think I've known any ST girls, so I can't comment on how exactly I'd handle that....probably in a similar fashion to the NT girls, though with things that are more directly relevant to them, like their plans for the weekend, or something like that.
    Enneagram 9w1 sp/so
    [sigpic][/sigpic]

  5. #25
    Glycerine
    Guest

    Default

    I love giving them but I hate receiving them.

  6. #26
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1
    Posts
    3,823

    Default

    I like giving and receiving thoughtful, genuine compliments. I'm fine with hugs and tears and affection, even very (platonically) intimate verbal and physical affection between friends.

    I am also totally with Jenocyde about the flowers etc. in public. Or any PDF. Ugh. Private moments should stay private!

    There are conditions to my comfort level:
    (1) there must be a mutually understood degree of intimacy between me and said friend
    (2) this sort of relating is done in private (either just the two of us without any others around, or written and sealed communication)

    I can smoothly handle Fe hello/goodbye acquaintance hugging if it's called for, and any extenuating emotional circumstance affection. I even sometimes enjoy this. But if a friend is into any sort intimate verbal or physical affection and they are not on my superclose friends list, I don't override my inclination to freeze up.
    If there is not a deep connection there, back off. No touchy. Let's not pretend our relationship is better than it is.

    Any BF is similar--if we're just getting to know each other, he will stay at arms length. If we're close, I show him my hidden NF side without a second thought.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  7. #27
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,106

    Default

    I'm with you on all of that.

  8. #28
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INfj
    Enneagram
    451 sx/so
    Socionics
    ENFj Ni
    Posts
    5,651

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    If I don't interact often with someone, I don't think twice about it. Especially if I know that we can pick up where we left off whenever we do speak again. If I don't spend time with you, it's always because I am distracted with other things. I have 87 unread emails in facebook, 202 unread ones in my personal email, my voice mail is currently full. I get distracted. If I no longer wish to be friends with any of these people that I have not responded to, I'll just tell them. But me not answering is not indicative of anything larger, it just means that I am dicking around on TypeC.
    hahahahahhaha. so funny. my eyes are blurry even now. i've never heard of anyone with so many unread emails. that would drive me crazy!

    Let me put it this way, if I tell a man that I love him, he should continue on with that knowledge unless otherwise informed. But please don't ask me to tell you again. And don't tell me with the hopes of hearing it return. Say it if you must, but don't go overboard or expect it back because I already told you last March. The fact that I am still with you speaks volumes.
    i read in, i think it was, Please Understand Me II NTs do not like redundant thanks because in the NT's mind if you say it more than once, she perceives it as you not really meaning it, otherwise, why would the thanker need to 'convince' you so much, by thanking you more than once. the person over-thanking loses validity in an NTs mind. i also read exactly what you said, that you hear things and note things very well the first time. you don't need to hear it again, and if you're subjected more than once, it's just a waste of your time, and therefore your boundaries are, in effect, crossed.
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
    4w5 5w4 1w9
    ~Torah observant, Christ inspired~
    Life Path 11

    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  9. #29
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INfj
    Posts
    3,741

    Default

    1. NFs generally do like to show their appreciation. Does it take different forms depending on which kind of NF you are? Do you compliment in person or on paper or both?
    Interesting Fidelia... I tend not to write complimentary notes.

    Actually I rarely give out compliments in person. Any I give verbally means a lot because of it. I'll only mention something if I really mean it. Online wise I tend to be a little more polite and generous in showing appreciation.

    2. As an NF, what would be the best type of compliment to you and in what form would you like to receive it?
    I dislike gushing compliments. I think good work is on the whole readily apparent. A simple statement for appreciation or even a pat on the back suffice.

    3. Do you consider MBTI type when you give someone a compliment? I haven't too much in the past, but think it's worth looking into.
    No. I consider tailoring a compliment for an individual a form of insincerity. If somebody has something that deserves my compliment, then anybody with the same also deserve the exact same compliment.

    4. Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? Would you prefer them on paper or in person?
    I'm okay with accepting compliments on a one-on-one basis. I tend to get embarrass if I'm complimented in front of a large group. I don't see why a person should write it down on paper if they can deliver it verbally. Unless the object of note is written and the complimentary note is attached to it.

    5. What types do you think shy away from open emotion the most?
    Seriously? INTPs.
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

  10. #30
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    fool
    Posts
    688

    Default

    Giving feedback/compliments etc is easier on paper. But practicality. If I like/am impressed with what someone did with their project or writing or whatever, I'm not going to slip a note to them when I'm in their presence. I like making people known my appreciation (their character, talents, my care etc), admiration and whatever basically. Easiest avenue for me to do this is by writing letters. Doing it verbally would feel awkard.

    I once did it verbally in the presence of an ESTJ. It wasn't about compliments really, though, I wanted a person, who had a very low self-reliance/esteem to get sort of objective feedback about herself from her parent that has never acknowledged her in any way. The support and positive feedback she'd been lacking. Played a little devil's advocate there. I thought it'd be a good idea, but the ESTJ reacted peculiarly and got very upset and nervous. It was "against a code" or something, that people just don't compliment each other.

Similar Threads

  1. [NF] NF and ADD
    By GZA in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 02-06-2011, 06:46 AM
  2. [MBTItm] NF and NT... drawn together like moth to flame
    By sakuraba in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 251
    Last Post: 05-08-2009, 04:00 PM
  3. [INFP] NFs and pride, conflict, attitude?
    By Cindyrella in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 12-27-2008, 07:23 AM
  4. [NF] NFs and religion
    By Cordiform in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 55
    Last Post: 12-01-2007, 02:15 PM
  5. Replies: 29
    Last Post: 07-16-2007, 01:47 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO