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  1. #1
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    Default NFs and unanswered love

    I know a couple of people who love someone without telling the person they love them and today I noticed that they are all NFs. Let me tell you about two of them, maybe the most extreme ones.

    One of those NFs is an INFP, and she never tells anyone that she loves them. She's 18 now. The first time she fell in love with someone, she was 12 and she decided not to tell him. I have no idea why. That one sided love affair ended when she was 16 or 17. Then she fell in love with another guy, who really liked her, but she didn't tell him either. She's still in love with him and she doesn't want to start dating with him, because she thinks she'd only use him as some kind of what she calls "staring material".

    The other one is an ENFJ or an ENFP (can't quite figure ou which one, she's too irresponsible and unstable to be an ENFJ and too fun sucking and conforming to be an ENFP) and she was in love with a guy for two years without telling him. Everyone knew, but she still didn't tell him, until she got drunk at a party and started crying and telling about how much she loved him. They started dating, got a relationship and after a few weeks she already broke up with him. She started whining about it to everyone for about seven months, until I told her what a crazy retard she had become. Then she started dating a lot of guys at once, she had a lot of "boyfriends" whom she dumped after a few days, because she couldn't help comparing her new boyfriends with the guy she was in love with first.

    Is this some special NF-thing? I haven't noticed any SJ's, SP's or NT's with these kinds of "love affairs". Do you guys notice the same thing?
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  2. #2
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    I notice this a lot with the NFs, but also I have an ESFP friend who has gone through basically the same things. That, however, could be just because she is unhealthy and overly emotional.

  3. #3
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    No I don't do this. I'm pretty straight forward unless I'm sure I'll be rejected.

  4. #4
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    I don't think this is particular to NFs. I've seen people of all types show a deep interest in another and never let them know. I do however believe that NFs have a higher propensity to fantasize about a person and live in that fantasy, without ever needing or choosing to have that fantasy become a reality.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Kar View Post
    I know a couple of people who love someone without telling the person they love them and today I noticed that they are all NFs. Let me tell you about two of them, maybe the most extreme ones.

    One of those NFs is an INFP, and she never tells anyone that she loves them. She's 18 now. The first time she fell in love with someone, she was 12 and she decided not to tell him. I have no idea why. That one sided love affair ended when she was 16 or 17. Then she fell in love with another guy, who really liked her, but she didn't tell him either. She's still in love with him and she doesn't want to start dating with him, because she thinks she'd only use him as some kind of what she calls "staring material".

    The other one is an ENFJ or an ENFP (can't quite figure ou which one, she's too irresponsible and unstable to be an ENFJ and too fun sucking and conforming to be an ENFP) and she was in love with a guy for two years without telling him. Everyone knew, but she still didn't tell him, until she got drunk at a party and started crying and telling about how much she loved him. They started dating, got a relationship and after a few weeks she already broke up with him. She started whining about it to everyone for about seven months, until I told her what a crazy retard she had become. Then she started dating a lot of guys at once, she had a lot of "boyfriends" whom she dumped after a few days, because she couldn't help comparing her new boyfriends with the guy she was in love with first.

    Is this some special NF-thing? I haven't noticed any SJ's, SP's or NT's with these kinds of "love affairs". Do you guys notice the same thing?
    I believe that's called "limerance". What is happening here is these people are idealising (and idolising) the person they're interested in. They become so infatuated with the person that they fall in love with the idea of that person. This is problematic because as soon as they are actually with the subject of their infatuation, they no longer desire to be with them because the subject, in reality, is not the same (and not who/what they fell in love with) as who they have created in their minds. Which results in destruction of the relationship if the idea is not compromised, adapted, or disabled in order to perceive the real person.

    So, no, this isn't just an NF-thing. It is probably prevalent in NFs because of their tendency to fantasize, but it can and does happen to just about anyone.
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  6. #6
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    I was looking at some comics last night, and came across this. I think it fits:



    When you build anyone (or anything) up in your head too much, you will never seem "good enough" for them, and also there's a terrible fear that they won't live up to the image that you've created of them, so time passes by while you continue to fantasize and do nothing.

  7. #7
    Senior Member whimsical's Avatar
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    I never hold back on telling a person I love, how much I love them. The only reason I would keep it in would be if I was not sure if I was going to get a positive response back.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #8
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    NT's, particuarly INTP's, can really fall head over heels like an ENFP, but never express anything more than a slightly embarased nod.

  9. #9
    Senior Member amelie's Avatar
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    That's not characteristic of me - I'm very expressive with people I'm close to. It does sound more NT to me, but each person is different.

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    It's partially NT, because our logic tells us that the person we are seeking is right in front of us. I've learned to ignore that particular logic. It's heavily NF, because if I am correct, they seek romance, and so want to love. That makes them especially vulnerable to diving into relationships.

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