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  1. #71
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    The destination in life is not finding a partner, it's pursuing what matters.
    What if what matters to a person is finding a partner?

  2. #72
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Lauren Ashley: "What if what matters to the person is finding a partner?"

    A partner implies that you are joining forces with someone. How are you going to do that if you don't know what it is you care about doing? If you were going into business with a partner, you'd decide what you want to produce first or what service you are offering. You might be perfectly matched business partners, but you are not actually partners until you are in business together. I think people rarely think about what kind of "business" they would like to go into either alone or with someone. They just don't want to be alone.

    The problem with the search for a partner as a main life goal: What happens once they've found the person? That's not enough to keep them busy for life and what happens if the person ever disappoints them? Then their whole purpose in life has been shattered!

    My point is that there is nothing wrong with wanting to share your life with someone. However, making it your mission and feeling that you've missed out on life if you didn't find them might set you up for disappointment once you do, and also prevents you from achieving that very goal. You also waste valuable years of your life in the meantime that could be fulfilling and happy ones. I have seen men wish for a girlfriend, more than for a specific girl and they truly believe that all will be well once they find someone to fill that slot. A man who wants someone but does not need them to prop him up is much more attractive to women and will much more quickly achieve the goal of finding someone. (Yes, it is initially flattering to be needed, but then you find you can't depend on him when you need a little propping.) I don't mean that you shouldn't be able to be interdependent. Just that you should think what you are bringing to the table as well as what you will get in return.

  3. #73
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    What happens once they've found the person?
    They live happily ever after
    That's not enough to keep them busy for life
    You'd be surprised.

    what happens if the person ever disappoints them?


    You also waste valuable years of your life in the meantime that could be fulfilling and happy ones.
    Assuming that they haven't been living their life in the meantime.

    A man who wants someone but does not need them to prop him up is much more attractive to women and will much more quickly achieve the goal of finding someone.
    What if a man wants someone (and that is their goal), but they do not need them?

    Just that you should think what you are bringing to the table as well as what you will get in return.
    Assuming this hasn't been thought through...

    Not trying to be difficult, fidelia. Just curious as to why a goal of reaching the Moon or curing cancer, for example, is considered more worthy than the goal of finding a partner. They may be slightly less mundane, but I fail to see why they are more worthy.

  4. #74
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    I think I can contribute to this thread

    I loved someone for 5yrs and despite being in a relationship for 6 months of those, deep down wasn't entirely happy

    I was extremely persistent, often ignoring other girls that were interested in me, or not putting my energy into keeping relationships alive

    There was an insane amount of flirting from her but because I wasn't her "ideal" guy any time I'd try and take things to the next level it wouldn't work

    It was pretty sad, we had such a great connection and she absolutely thought I was amazing but she just couldn't bring herself to take it further

    Was hard to get over her but if there is something to be learnt here is if she is not interested do yourself a favor and let it go, no amount of cute things you do for her, no amount of time spent with her, no amount of "right" moments for kissing her will change anything

  5. #75
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    Some of the responses in this thread don't seem to really address the question properly. This thread is about winning someone's heart. Getting a date and obtaining sincere interest entails many of the prerequisites everyone is mentioning. Getting someone to let down their guard and fall for you requires something more penetrating.

  6. #76
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Thank you for questioning, Lauren Ashley. You always make me think.

    I don't see anything wrong with pursuing a partner as one of your goals. I'm just saying there should be more goals than only that. There's no need to cure cancer or go to the moon to be a worthy goal, but maybe building other interpersonal relationships (which people often ignore in favour of filling this void), developing skills that will be useful for the future, involving yourself with people from the next generation, building strong character or finding work that is meaningful to you could be valuable as well and serve an important purpose in your life whether married or single.

    But perhaps that depends on whether you believe this is all there is and then we die, or if you have some other worldview. It also depends I guess on whether you believe we were created by Someone for a purpose, so we have an obligation to get on with it (or use whatever we've been given, or leave some kind of legacy after we die, or do some good in the world or or or), or whether we are here to make ourselves happy as well as we can without harming anyone else in the process. (And in saying that, I am not saying that those without a faith in anything aren't moral or resourceful people who want to contribute to the world). That's a whole different discussion, I guess.

    Quite aside from that though, I know a lot of couples of different ages and have observed two large sides of my extended family closely (whom I might have more access to information about). From what I've seen, choosing a partner to not be alone results in unhappiness. Marrying someone who just doesn't want to be alone usually also results in unhappiness. Marrying before you've had a chance to happily experience being alone often means you are missing some key information that may help you successfully find a good partner.

    Most marriages I've seen have not been enough to meet both people's needs completely, especially as they've gotten older and faced the things that never will change or never be dealt with that need to be. Those minor differences when people are younger become major differences when people are older if they never get resolved.

    What I have written previously does not refer to a person who is healthy and would like to share their life with someone and is already happily using the time they have. I'm talking about those who think their life will suddenly start when they meet someone.

  7. #77
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Good point Thessaly.

    Do you think getting people to let down their guard and fall for you has more to do with figuring them and their personality out to know what will really make them happy, or with their past experiences that could come between you or ?????

  8. #78
    WTF is this dude saying? A Schnitzel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Thank you for questioning, Lauren Ashley. You always make me think.
    Don't let her push you around like that.
    You don't have to do anything you don't want to.
    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    sheesh humans! for realz

  9. #79
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    Is it persistence in pursuing? Basically just showing her that you'll care for her FOREVER, and won't stop. unless she's married of course.I read everywhere that persistence is key to success to a lot of things. Any mature women who would like to comment on this subject matter, that would be awesome. Give me your insight!!!
    I hate pushy people. For me, if I'm interested, you will know.
    If I haven't noticed you yet, make yourself visible and let your interest be known but don't be pushy (or persistent). I really can't stand that.
    Try taking a relaxed approach, or cunnilingus. Works (almost) every time.

  10. #80
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    A Schnitzel: "Don't let her push you around like that. You don't have to do anything you don't want to"

    You are a schnitzel! Besides, I make exceptions for Lauren Ashley cause I respect her.

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