[MBTI General] Key to winning a woman's heart?

[Lauren Ashley]

I don't see anything wrong with pursuing a partner as one of your goals. I'm just saying there should be more goals than only that.

I agree

What I have written previously does not refer to a person who is healthy and would like to share their life with someone and is already happily using the time they have. I'm talking about those who think their life will suddenly start when they meet someone.

Oh, okay.

Don't let her push you around like that.
You don't have to do anything you don't want to.

Damn ENFJs. Always poking their noses in others' business and trying to stir up trouble.

 

[Thessaly]

Good point Thessaly.

Do you think getting people to let down their guard and fall for you has more to do with figuring them and their personality out to know what will really make them happy, or with their past experiences that could come between you or ?????

Past experiences could definitely make things more difficult or even easier, but figuring someone out is probably more important. Making a relationship work is hard and takes a lot out of most people. You can't just be inherently lovable, you need to be perceptive and considerate of your partner's needs. Being a complementary match would make that easier of course, which is why everyone has their prerequisites.

 

[Fidelia]

So are you talking about once you've had some dates already and know you really want to make the other person care for you? Or are you talking about making the relationship work after the bubbly happy stage?

 

[Jonathanthegreat]

So are you talking about once you've had some dates already and know you really want to make the other person care for you? Or are you talking about making the relationship work after the bubbly happy stage?

Making it work after you scared them away. I pulled a typical ENFJ smothering move but it was all genuine. Left flower on her car. Bought her gifts for her birthday. I wasn't like stalking her or anything. Also, think she believes a the "he's too nice lie" when a woman won't accept a man's pursuit of her, for being "too nice". Usually if a girl thinks a guy is doing things too nice for her, it's an indication of poor self esteem on her behalf by not feeling worthy enough of the man's attention. at least that's what it says in the book "dateable" by Lookadoo and Morgan.

Basically I'm gonna give it sometime before I try and contact her again. She said she was "emotionally" attracted to me. So yeah. That's a good thing.

Plan of action: try back when the time is right, might be months or years.
Unless I meet someone who makes me feel better than she did, I see no reason why not to pursue.

Any advice? how about infj girl lauren?

 

[rainoneventide]

There's no set "key" to winning anyone's heart. In my opinion, you just need to be willing to get to know them, accept them, and let them get to know you in return.

 

[AOA]

God, I am hoping. *clutches both hands... again*.

 

[INTJ123]

hmm in my experience as an intj, most girls I've tried chasing didn't want me coming back if I was already rejected. The relationships I had just happened naturally, without me having to put in alot of effort, and many times the girl made the move on me, or one time jumped on me and started making out with me. The way I see it now, is just be yourself, they'll be themselves, and if it happens it happens.

This is actually typical enfj thinking, to manipulate a person to get what you want from them. But I don't think it's that easy to manipulate someone into loving you.

 

[nightning]

hmm in my experience as an intj, most girls I've tried chasing didn't want me coming back if I was already rejected. The relationships I had just happened naturally, without me having to put in alot of effort, and many times the girl made the move on me, or one time jumped on me and started making out with me. The way I see it now, is just be yourself, they'll be themselves, and if it happens it happens.

*nods* Good advice there. A no in the first go around typically means no later on. You really don't want a girl who rejects then later comes back to you. It's a case of "settling for second best". Being labeled second best is a poor way of starting a relationship. The girl'll probably have her eyes on somebody "better".

This is actually typical enfj thinking, to manipulate a person to get what you want from them. But I don't think it's that easy to manipulate someone into loving you.

Love must be self initiated. Manipulated feelings don't last... full of regrets and resentment.

 

[ENFJ_Catholic]

I don't want something manipulated... stop saying we "game" the system. I find to be such a cliche.

We want something geninuine.

 

[sleuthiness]

I'm so a spelling mistake. People will be as genuine as you perceive them to be.

 

[scortia]

I don't know about other INFJs but I hate guys who are persistent to a fault. Also ones who shower me with praise and admiration and lots of "love talk." I hate the unnecessary attention.

I'm won over by guys who have true goals, their own perspective, a respect for all forms of life, an open mind, and enough levels to their being to keep me interested beyond the first meal.

Let me know when someone can find one.

 

[Jonathanthegreat]

hmm in my experience as an intj, most girls I've tried chasing didn't want me coming back if I was already rejected. The relationships I had just happened naturally, without me having to put in alot of effort, and many times the girl made the move on me, or one time jumped on me and started making out with me. The way I see it now, is just be yourself, they'll be themselves, and if it happens it happens.

This is actually typical enfj thinking, to manipulate a person to get what you want from them. But I don't think it's that easy to manipulate someone into loving you.

Being persistent to show someone you care about them, is not manipulating. Especially when you factor in that you are SELFLESSLY pursuing this person with love. You piss me off with that comment, so ignorantly making an assumption. UGH! you f_ck.

 

[Bubbles]

Personally, I think it's important to get to know the person first. Not necessarily for a long time, as friend zoning can occur, but show her that you developed an interest in her, specifically. People who have asked me out without knowing much about me really haven't attracted much of my attention, honestly. It's sort of like, "Why do you like me, you don't even know me!" But I'm probably alone in that. I want to know that I'm giving my trust to someone who both likes me and I know I like back. *shrug*

Just be genuine, be direct, and if it works then great. If not, don't persist. Persistance after rejection tends to irk me, because I've already answered the question once and don't feel like having to do so again. It's hard enough saying no to someone once, really!

 

[ENFJ_Catholic]

What comes first? The Chicken :chicken: or the Egg?

I thought gals wanted a persistent beau. It's no sense in chasing up the wrong tree when the lady's [EDIT: not] willing...but honestly... there's often times where the lady will lead on even if there's not a connection. Which borders on use of the one pursuing. (Which is why "love" often sucks...) :steam:

 

[WoodsWoman]

He chased her 'till she caught him.

 

[jenocyde]

Also, think she believes a the "he's too nice lie" when a woman won't accept a man's pursuit of her, for being "too nice". Usually if a girl thinks a guy is doing things too nice for her, it's an indication of poor self esteem on her behalf by not feeling worthy enough of the man's attention. at least that's what it says in the book "dateable" by Lookadoo and Morgan.

Oftentimes, we use the phrase "too nice" as codeword for "too boring"...

Being persistent to show someone you care about them, is not manipulating. Especially when you factor in that you are SELFLESSLY pursuing this person with love. You piss me off with that comment, so ignorantly making an assumption. UGH! you f_ck.

Careful, your fangs are showing...

Pursuit could hardly be seen as selfless, especially if you "love" a person who doesn't even know you exist really.

 

[ragashree]

Being persistent to show someone you care about them, is not manipulating. Especially when you factor in that you are SELFLESSLY pursuing this person with love. You piss me off with that comment, so ignorantly making an assumption. UGH! you f_ck.

1) Frankly, this strikes me as delving deeper into the realms of personal abuse than the comment that led to it warranted. Whatever you think of INTJ123's analysis, there wasn't any name calling.

2) Let's be clear here: there's nothing "selfless" about pursuing a person who has clearly indicated they don't want you to. On the contrary, it's essentially a selfish act which puts your needs above theirs unless you honestly believe you know what they want better than they do, which is delusional thinking. Some people play hard to get, and some people may be looking for signs of comittment before they want to comitt themselves, true. It's up to someone who finds themselves in that situation to be able to make the call accurately, and it's certainly not always easy. Attributing to yourself only the purest and most noble of motives for doing so, however, is not likely to aid you in being able to make that judgement. What you feel, and call love, and attribute the quality of selflessness to isn't necessarily going to be experienced that way by the other person, who may percieve it as a threat.

 

[jenocyde]

TAKE MY ADVICE: I've dealt with this before. If you want to be with her you must follow this exactly:

1.) Do NOT try to contact her way too much.
2.) Limit yourself to 1 text a week. unless she initiates.
3.) 1 call every month. unless she initiates.
4.) 3 posts/messages/pic comments/wall comments etc a month to her social messaging site (facebook myspace twitter etc).
5.) Be her FRIEND. Because when this guy she is with leaves, then you are her friend. The best attribute of being a friend to a girl that you like is you can get a LOT of face time with her and that way you can slowly move in on her.
6.) Timing is everything, how it starts is how it ends, you rushing in quickly and swiftly, it will end the same way. Slow and cautiously, same ending. Unless of course you marry her, BUT RUSHING IN WILL GET YOU NO WHERE. be PATIENT.
7.) Live your life, have fun, don't think about her too much.
8.) More friendship=more love=more chance of romance.

Trust me. Just trust me.

If this isn't manipulation, I don't know what is. Especially #5. Nice way to creepily fuck with someone's head...

 

[ceecee]

Being persistent to show someone you care about them, is not manipulating. Especially when you factor in that you are SELFLESSLY pursuing this person with love. You piss me off with that comment, so ignorantly making an assumption. UGH! you f_ck.

The persistence you are describing is NOT selfless. You might think so but you wouldn't be doing it if you were getting nothing out of it or hoping to. Your ace in the hole here is using "love" as the excuse. That's fucking with people. That's manipulation.

 

[Fluffywolf]

It might be me, but from my experiences it seems that trying to find the key to a woman's heart is generally not helping in eventually aquiring a woman's heart.

Also, I lol at this thread.