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  1. #31
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    One at a time of course, I hate it when people are influenced by others.

  2. #32
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    get to know a few girls here and there but focus on one

    now that i think about it, its healthiest the thing to do from a personal, social, and societal perspective

    automatically takes care of all the 'games' and all that crap

  3. #33
    Senior Member ENFJ_Catholic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    As many of you have read from earlier posts, I am single, having gotten out of my LTR (five years) one year ago and gone through all my grieving and all that. I have just recently felt ready to date again.

    So: how do people date these days? One at a time? Or multiple "irons in the fire?"

    I was all set to do the "one at a time" thing and people told me that was old school, and people date many at once now.

    So now, we have to define dating! I guess for me dating = getting to know someone. For others, dating means sex.

    So if you date around, does that also mean sleep around?? I could not do that.

    Hmmm... There are pros and cons to both approaches.

    Would anyone here be offended if the person you were dating told you they were also dating other people?? I guess it goes back to how that person defines dating... Discuss...
    I would prefer to focus on one at a time. It also depends on the length of the "dating"...if it's going out for drinks, a meal here or there...then sure, dating multiple people is okay. I'd say there would be some need for exclusiveness after a few rounds of it and if it got to be any more intimate than that. Otherwise, there begs the question for me of "Where do I stand with this person? Am I measuring up to the other blokes?"

    As long as those whom I am dating are up front with what they are doing (so that I can work it out in my own mind and with them), then I am relatively at peace with many different situations. The main thing for me is dealing with, solving, and resolving conflicts, confusion, and ambiguities of life...relationships especially included!!
    "In the end it is not a matter of reason; it is a matter of love." - St. Thomas More

  4. #34
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    One. Dating multiple people at a time seems like such a waste of energy. Although, you might get a couple of new friends if it doesn't work out.

  5. #35
    Senior Member boondocked's Avatar
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    Multiple, I suppose. Very casual. I love dating and have the tendency to think of each dating 'episode' both as a new emotional adventure and a chance to enjoy the improvisational, jazz-like nuances of flirtation (heh). It has caused problems in the past, though. I wouldn't recommend.

    Caveat: When something gets serious, all other dates stop. Also, I only kiss one person at a time. Finally, I painstakingly maintain complete honesty will all involved parties! Like, if I went out with you on Friday, I'd let you know I was going out with someone else on Saturday.

    Can you tell I'm practiced in justification?

    As for why I date multiple people? Well, I doubt it has much to do with attachment styles or my parents. I've only ever been raised by my mother and father, my two favorite people in existence. I guess I just find so many people interesting and any one person boring after awhile. There are exceptions, of course! I've had two very serious boyfriends - people who were so striking that it never occurred to me to get bored or to date anyone else. An INTJ and an ESFP.

    I'm dating an EXTP exclusively now , and hope to be for quite some time, so I guess this is all moot now!

  6. #36
    Senior Member ENFJ_Catholic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by boondocked View Post
    Multiple, I suppose. Very casual. I love dating and have the tendency to think of each dating 'episode' both as a new emotional adventure and a chance to enjoy the improvisational, jazz-like nuances of flirtation (heh). It has caused problems in the past, though. I wouldn't recommend.

    Caveat: When something gets serious, all other dates stop. Also, I only kiss one person at a time. Finally, I painstakingly maintain complete honesty will all involved parties! Like, if I went out with you on Friday, I'd let you know I was going out with someone else on Saturday.

    Can you tell I'm practiced in justification?
    I can appreciate this justification (just not all the casualness to the matter). And the caveat is valid. Open skies about where things are a good thing, a very good thing.
    "In the end it is not a matter of reason; it is a matter of love." - St. Thomas More

  7. #37
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    As many of you have read from earlier posts, I am single, having gotten out of my LTR (five years) one year ago and gone through all my grieving and all that. I have just recently felt ready to date again.

    So: how do people date these days? One at a time? Or multiple "irons in the fire?"

    I was all set to do the "one at a time" thing and people told me that was old school, and people date many at once now.

    So now, we have to define dating! I guess for me dating = getting to know someone. For others, dating means sex.

    So if you date around, does that also mean sleep around?? I could not do that.

    Hmmm... There are pros and cons to both approaches.

    Would anyone here be offended if the person you were dating told you they were also dating other people?? I guess it goes back to how that person defines dating... Discuss...
    Good god...this is why dating is so challenging...you've already pinpointed it...everyone approaches it differently and has different ideas of how they define dating, the whole sex thing...blah. To find someone who actually approaches it similarly to you can be challenging - on top of everything else that should line up.

    With online dating, given the nature of it, you pretty much end up having to email multiple people at the same time, so there's that. Then with initial meetups, given how fickle they can be on both ends, and virtual impossibility in knowing whether there will be a 2nd or a 3rd date, etc, it is most practical to keep communicating with several, until/unless you get to a 2nd or 3rd date and then decide you really want to focus on one person, and that person feels the same way.

    As for actual dating, beyond a first or second meetup, I HAVE to be with just one person. It is an impossibility given my personality to juggle more than one person -- I don't think it's fair, for one thing, and for another I just don't roll like that. If I like someone, they're the only one on my radar, and I'll only start looking for someone else once I know it's not going anywhere with the one person, and once it's time to move on.

    ---

    As for taking offense if I myself was dating one and only one person, and I then found out the other person was dating someone other than I at the same time, I would retract myself from it completely (assuming we were seriously dating, had become physical, and it wasn't just date 2 or 3, or something), and wash my hands of him. I wouldn't be 'offended' per se, but it would basically indicate that we're on different pages, and have different needs/approaches to dating and relationships. Given a past experience I've had with this, many many years ago, I would probably consider him selfish, and just wanting to play around/have fun, whereas I'm ultimately wanting a more serious, monogamous thing.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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