User Tag List

First 7891011 Last

Results 81 to 90 of 110

  1. #81
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w6 so/sx
    Posts
    2,077

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ace_ View Post
    Well that's not nice. People open up to you because they think you care.

    Now I'm starting to get suspicious about you guys.
    I can't speak for anyone else, but the caring I project is completely genuine. I can't care ALL THE TIME, but that's when I excuse myself from the conversation if I feel like I can't respond appropriately. I don't believe in creating a false affect I have to maintain at cost to my own emotional energy. I can be kind to another's feelings while still maintaining my honesty. Otherwise, acting like I care when I don't IS deceptive.

  2. #82
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    GONE
    Posts
    9,051

    Default

    Yeah, I think that ^^ touches on what some others have said about the different between being interested and "caring" in the traditional sense. I think ENTPs and ENFPs are similar in this respect and why it bothers me when I see other people get the two confused and attribute "kindness" or "warmth" to people who I don't think are warm or kind, just curious.

    You can be really enthusiastic about an idea or a story and it may be genuine curiousity but it's also impartial, dispassionate or even disrespectful curiousity (like I'm a circus freak) but it doesn't mean you are emotionally invested (or want to be) in someone or care.

    I feel like people get suckered all the time, whether that was the intent or not, by people who are socially smooth or just bother to ask you more than 2 questions about your day. It bothers me. It's a classic politican/used car salesmen kinda move, I see right through it and I always have. You can't bs a bs-er! It's so freaking patronizing!

    Also, sometimes when people ask you about yourself it is WAY more about them than you.

    This is also why I have trouble really getting along with people who I think are overly in my business or who want to ask me deep, probing questions in passing. I'm not a specimen in a jar and I'm a self-contained person, if I want you to know something I will tell you.

    And being Ne dom myself, I know the difference between pure curiousity and genuine concern or interest in me and I'm not going to open up to every random.

    But I agree with LadyJaye, I think maybe immature or unealthy ENFPs may fake it to an extent, but I respect people enough not to. If I show interest it is genuine.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  3. #83
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    Yin
    Enneagram
    One sx/sp
    Posts
    13,908

    Default

    I think the ENFP I know cares. In fact, an interesting thing about her is that she seems to care about any bum that wanders off the street. Her immense friendliness is probably the reason she's one of the only people I've become friends with.

    However, I have a very strong sense that she is uncomfortable with intimacy. She's admitted to having problems with commitment. And she is wary of subjects that cause personal acrimony between friends.

    So, the general effect is that she is very engaging, but there are a lot of places where you can step that changes her tone. She never strikes me as cold, but I can tell that she's avoiding things.

    That's just the one I know, of course.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


    _________________________________
    INTP. Type 1>6>5. sx/sp.
    Live and let live will just amount to might makes right

  4. #84
    Senior Member Ace_'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    TNT
    Posts
    170

    Default

    I have a good ENFP friend too and he also seems to care a lot, even about random bums just like you said. That's why I was surprised when I read the posts on the previous page. I'd hate to reveal my privacy and deep feelings to someone who doesn't care. I'd feel like the stupidest person ever. The other person might even use it against me.

  5. #85
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,657

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ace_ View Post
    I have a good ENFP friend too and he also seems to care a lot, even about random bums just like you said. That's why I was surprised when I read the posts on the previous page. I'd hate to reveal my privacy and deep feelings to someone who doesn't care. I'd feel like the stupidest person ever. The other person might even use it against me.
    Honestly, I think no ENFP would ever use these things against you. At least I never would. The fact that you would open up to me like that touches me deeply. I might, if i sense you're ok with it, tease you a bit with it, but only if we're alone so nobody hears and only if you don't mind. I do care about people who do that. That bond however, becomes even deeper, when I sense that you would (and could) do the same for me. I'm ok with that not being the case however, nor do I judge you for not being able/being willing to do so. I will still hold you dear. I will just not be *as* emotionally attached to you.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  6. #86
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    101

    Default

    Thanks ergophobe! Another awesome post. I liked these in particular:

    1. If I ask the other person how they are doing or as we are want to do, say something along the lines of, "hey, you don't sound like yourself"...we should expect to be able to offer the person a real conversation in return for sharing. ...If I don't have the time to do this or don't know them well enough to offer comfort, I won't push them on their mood.
    5. This should have really been number 1. Take care of yourself. Retreat and recharge yourself often. We forget to do this a lot and we and our relationships suffer for it. When you sleep well, eat well and meet your commitments, you have more to offer others.
    7. Schedule. We are most susceptible to mixing work and play. This is my own personal challenge. Be more disciplined at work so you get more done during work time and then don't bring any home with you. Play time is really important to us!
    This last one would be particularly difficult for me as I work in an environment where the two mix and it's VERY easy to get sidetracked. Kind of like Okay I'm working working working ... ooh butterflies! ... Two hours later... oh right, I should get back to work. Argh.

    I've found that specifically allotting time to work on my Si really helps. Overlooked Si is a grouchy Strawberry.

  7. #87
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    12,409

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Also, sometimes when people ask you about yourself it is WAY more about them than you.

    For years I have said the questions people ask can tell you more about a person, than the answers they give.
    There is someone in this forum who I will leave nameless.
    Easily, they ask the nuttiest questions I have ever seen.
    Their answers, are irrelevant.

    Questions tell you what's on someone's mind.
    BTW, I hate it when people say, "So, tell me about yourself."
    I'm tempted to screw with them and tell them I'm a serial-killer,
    looking for my next target.

  8. #88
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    12,409

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ace_ View Post
    I'd hate to reveal my privacy and deep feelings to someone who doesn't care. I'd feel like the stupidest person ever. The other person might even use it against me.

    I'm the type where if you tell me your personal shit, I'll take it to my grave.
    However if you dare reveal my personal shit, I will put you in your grave--early.

  9. #89
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    ^LOL.

    Easy, tiger jaguar.

  10. #90
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    1

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    EXACTLY. I DREAD agreeing to a committment.

    Friend: How about Saturday at eight?
    Me: <reluctantly> ummmm, yeah... call me...
    Friend: So Saturday at eight then right?
    Me: <with smile and wink> It's definitely possible!!
    Friend: Ok meet me at _____.
    Me: Yeah I will call you...

    They can't really pin down if I'm concretely saying yes. I like to keep my options open, but also don't like to hurt people's feelings.

    I don't like scheduling events because in the present moment, in the "state" I'm in, I may truly feel like going ot the event - but when it actually rolls around a week later - I don't know what my "state" will be and chances are I will very well not feel like going!!

    It's best if you let me know I'm invited, but not press me to commit - so that when it does roll around, I feel like I don't *HAVE TO* go but can *CHOOSE* to go if I want. That way we are allowed to reference our present "state" in deciding whether to go - and not guess at what our "state" will be weeks or months from now.

    And yes we really do find everyone fascinating, each in their own way.

    Almost this identical conversation happened to me a couple hours ago! I have a friendship like thing going on with an ENFP and last night I asked if he wanted to get lunch this week. He replied with, "Yes!" and when I woke up I gave him times that I was available during the week...he never responded. So later in the day I texted again asking if tomorrow would work and he goes, "Possibly! Let's play it by ear!"

    hahah so now I understand why..I've noticed this, but was never sure if it was me or just him. He doesn't like to be held down by commitment, which is kind of ironic because I have come to realize that I need commitment for most things and I've noticed a lot of other INFJs are the same way. Yet ENFPs and INFJs are supposed to be very comparable for each other? Interesting. I'll have to bring this up to him so that he knows that I understand.

Similar Threads

  1. Yet another ENFP
    By Midwife in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 08-09-2012, 04:15 AM
  2. Yet, Another Obsessed ENFP
    By NetJunkie2 in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 10-20-2010, 11:34 PM
  3. yet another enfp ^^
    By Furiosa in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 12-15-2008, 01:15 AM
  4. Yet Another ENFP
    By PinkIceTD in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 08-11-2008, 12:01 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO