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  1. #51
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ergophobe View Post
    A lot of what other ENFPs have said here resonates with me as well. I think it resonated with me even more when I was younger. For the last 5 years or so, I've tried to make a real difference in this area of my life.

    I've decided the quality of friendships in my life matter more than the quantity. So, I've made a conscious effort to "water regularly" the friendships that have made the cut. For these people, I will try to be more on time (it is still relative), cancel only if I absolutely have to, and think carefully before I commit to doing something with them. Also, as always, if they need me in a crisis, I will put everything on hold and move mountains to be there. I have to be told, in no uncertain terms, that the crisis is here.

    I still have a lot of distant friends and acquaintances - people I met and found fascinating and am genuinely fond of but don't 'need' around regularly for sustenance. It's a finely tiered life and I take on few new friendships any more. In fact, I have been mocked for saying, "sorry I have a full life and I'm not looking for new friends".

    I also try and give as much notice of cancellation as possible. It's true - the moment it becomes an obligation, it becomes a chore and I will still carry it out if I promised something but I won't enjoy it and you can't make me.

    My closest friends are the ones who know me and who are both consistently fascinating people, supportive and the least demanding. They are okay with short term disappearances, with me arriving 30 minutes after I said I would and who love me with my quirks.

    For the other ENFPs -- would you do this (disappear for short periods and be a little flaky) even if you were romantically interested in the person? I know I turn into the most responsible, eager, available person on earth (I despise myself for it sometimes) when I am interested in someone.
    This is such a reasonable post. You are well on your way to being a well balanced person in a crazy world! Good luck to you.

    And I relate to this almost entirely. I don't know what it is about needing my freedom so much, but I can't even tolerate tight clothes sometimes. lol But, if you're my friend, then you know you're deeply loved and a priority. I shouldn't have to say it or declare it all the time, and loving others doesn't diminish my love for each individual. Now, for the person I'm in a romantic relationship with, I'm RIVETED by them - I seek to learn everything I can about them, what they like, what their interests are, what sort of character they have. But, ironically, when I make a serious discovery, regardless of whether or not it's good or bad, I'll retreat, to think over what I've learned.

  2. #52
    videodrones; questions Verfremdungseffekt's Avatar
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    Yeah, it can be kind of perplexing. An ENFP I know recently called me up and asked me out the following weekend. So I called her four days in a row, once a day, to follow up on that and figure out exactly what we were doing. Not once did she pick up or return the call. Which isn't unusual in itself, and I'm getting used to it. But, you know. Sheesh. She's the one who asked me out.

  3. #53
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    One GIS search for "ENFP" yielded a hilarious picture of a tiger with a cell phone in its mouth with the caption "ENFP PSA: Answer your god damn phones."

    Edit: I should have saved that picture because now I can't find it. Damn you Google!

  4. #54
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    Wow, that just sounds mean. I've often been told I was leading someone on when that was never my intention but that sounds pretty... not like that. Would you mind telling me more about the situation and his behaviour?

  5. #55
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    One GIS search for "ENFP" yielded a hilarious picture of a tiger with a cell phone in its mouth with the caption "ENFP PSA: Answer your god damn phones."

    Edit: I should have saved that picture because now I can't find it. Damn you Google!
    that's true for me too. i totally don't answer my phone...really almost never.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #56
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    aww...sorry sonata.

    send him an email if you haven't yet...he should talk to you about it. that's not right.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #57
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    Sonata, I wouldn't be too concerned. Again, missing someone a lot is a reason I have been known to withdraw. I go to DC a lot to visit my demanding and difficult parents. When it has been a particularly bad visit I often don't call my SO at all because talking to him on the phone just reminds me that I'm not at home, I'm in hell with my parents and it makes me feel even worse.

    DO tell him how you feel about his sudden withdrawal, though. ENFPs need to learn our boundaries with other people as much as we rant about our own boundaries.

  8. #58
    Allergic to Mornings ergophobe's Avatar
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    Aderack and Sonata, my sympathies. This seems to be an NP thing - I experienced something similar with an ENTP. From 180 to 0 in 2 weeks or less. Unfortunately, it's really hard to say what could be going on. There are a myriad reasons that could explain the behavior and I am hesitant to hazard a guess.

    Aderack - I'd recommend waiting a day or two and then trying the day before you were to meet. Let her come to you in her own time. She will. She seems to like you.

    Sonata - in your case, with feelings having been clearly expressed, I might write a gentle email when a week is completed from the last time you wrote and ask if everything is okay. ENFPs love hearing how much they're missed so saying that is never a bad idea. Don't berate, just gently enquire about him and his family and what he's been up to. Perhaps he's just been looking for an opportune time to write a longer email. I hate writing superficial notes so sometimes I won't write at all until I can really say how I feel...

    Good luck, peeps.

  9. #59
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Wow, dealing with NPs sounds like a headache, lol. Honestly, I would hate to have to put up with some of this stuff that gets chalked up to normal NP behavior. Of course, to some extent I operate similarly and I do have a lot of NP friends so it works out.

    But in general, if someone runs hot and cold in a way that I don't understand or the mutual push and pull just doesn't work towards a goal - I drop it and don't think much of it other than that's a closed door or that's as far as we go (acquaintances, etc.)

    I think some behavior can be chalked up to healthy/normal "NP" and I have a very high tolerance in general for randomness, people cancelling and rescheduling last minute, spontaneous dates, no shows, peopel needing space, etc. -- but some behavior is just plain disinterest, bad manners, flakiness, or piss poor communication or a a combination of the above and not worth it.

    It's just unfortunate when there is actual interest in both parties but it doesn't mesh for two people for whatever NP reason.

    I think as much as NPs are independent and random and open-ended, we need to be even more communicative and clear with others.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  10. #60
    Senior Member Galusha's Avatar
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    actually, ENFPs are more engaging to me when they're tired-- something about the original warmth puts me on edge, since I'm trained to associate it with an ulterior motive. it seems more genuine when you meet someone whose interest you initially have to earn... enter ENTP during exams. best friend!

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