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  1. #41
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lethe View Post
    As an INTJ, I have a modest supply of sugary-sweet energy and time for other people. I'm also very clear about to whom and where I use it. (Example: I'm sorry, can we do this another day? I need to focus on my project.") I'll give them a heads up if they investigate on my missing presence. I definitely would not involve myself in social interactions when I need to recharge in solitude... et al...
    Sounds like your friend has some discipline issues. I think that is true of most people, regardless of type. So, if I were you, I would have limited my interactions with him just based off the fact that I couldn't really rely on him to say what he means. Again, I can only give my own perspective, but I say what I mean. And if I'm overextended, or feel I can't make a commitment to something, I say so.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    Pah! I say, pah!

    The rights and obligations of freedom from constraint are something I know a little about. You want freedom from constraint? Live the life of an INTJ.

    Dipping in and out of people's lives is letting them down unless they're independent enough to take it. Don't ya think so?
    I don't "dip in and out" of people's lives. But I do take breaks. Breaks that these people are informed of. It's a bit melodramatic to make everyone sound like they're victims of our personality.


    Quote Originally Posted by hokie912 View Post
    Extraverted NFs seem to do this kind of thing a lot. How can someone be the most interesting person in the room at one moment and yet there's no interest in pursuing that further? It seems so fickle. I guess it's hard for me to understand, because I am more reserved in crowds and only really open up in small groups or one-on-one. If I find someone interesting in a group, my first reaction is to want to get to know them more intimately to gauge whether it's a potential friendship. I have an ENFP friend who is all smiles and engagement when I see her, but extremely difficult to get in touch with to plan getting together. If we ever do see one another, it's on her schedule, as if she woke up one day and randomly thought, "Oh, hey, I haven't seen so-and-so in a while!" It's tough to know whether to take it personally.
    Introverts are just as flaky and fickle as introverts. They just aren't noticed as quickly because they hide in corners in the first place.

    There. I think that was equal to the blanket statement you said.

  2. #42
    Senior Member hokie912's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    Introverts are just as flaky and fickle as introverts. They just aren't noticed as quickly because they hide in corners in the first place.

    There. I think that was equal to the blanket statement you said.
    I truly didn't mean that so seriously. I probably didn't phrase it especially well, but I really only meant that that mindset seems fickle to me. "Fickle" as in I have a hard time wrapping my head around it, not as a judgement that it's wrong. I was posting hoping to understand, not to demean ENFPs. Sorry that it came across that way.

    Of course introverts are flaky and fickle in their own ways. Especially we crazy INFJs.

  3. #43
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    I don't "dip in and out" of people's lives. But I do take breaks. Breaks that these people are informed of.
    That's nice. I take breaks every few sentences of so. I'm taking one right now.

    It's a bit melodramatic to make everyone sound like they're victims of our personality.
    Ain't that the truth! Next time someone calls me anal I'm slinging "melodramatic" back at them.

  4. #44
    Allergic to Mornings ergophobe's Avatar
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    A lot of what other ENFPs have said here resonates with me as well. I think it resonated with me even more when I was younger. For the last 5 years or so, I've tried to make a real difference in this area of my life.

    I've decided the quality of friendships in my life matter more than the quantity. So, I've made a conscious effort to "water regularly" the friendships that have made the cut. For these people, I will try to be more on time (it is still relative), cancel only if I absolutely have to, and think carefully before I commit to doing something with them. Also, as always, if they need me in a crisis, I will put everything on hold and move mountains to be there. I have to be told, in no uncertain terms, that the crisis is here.

    I still have a lot of distant friends and acquaintances - people I met and found fascinating and am genuinely fond of but don't 'need' around regularly for sustenance. It's a finely tiered life and I take on few new friendships any more. In fact, I have been mocked for saying, "sorry I have a full life and I'm not looking for new friends".

    I also try and give as much notice of cancellation as possible. It's true - the moment it becomes an obligation, it becomes a chore and I will still carry it out if I promised something but I won't enjoy it and you can't make me.

    My closest friends are the ones who know me and who are both consistently fascinating people, supportive and the least demanding. They are okay with short term disappearances, with me arriving 30 minutes after I said I would and who love me with my quirks.

    For the other ENFPs -- would you do this (disappear for short periods and be a little flaky) even if you were romantically interested in the person? I know I turn into the most responsible, eager, available person on earth (I despise myself for it sometimes) when I am interested in someone.

  5. #45
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    yeah me too girlie...i don't let people down. if i suddenly change my mind and don't want to do something i had planned with someone...i'll usually call and see how they're feelin cause it's common for us both to have changed our minds...but...i'll usually go if they're looking forward to it and my mood will usually change and i'll end up having fun anyway.

    but...with someone i'm interested in...i have all the time in the world and will usually talk even when i don't.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #46
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    I'm an ENFP and I have found (and been told) that one minute I can be completely friendly, engaging, playful, charming, flirtatious. etc. and then the next minute I can be aloof, guarded, private, elusive, mysterious, and difficult to get to know.

    I've reflected on this and tried to figure it out. When I'm "out and about" my curiosity towards and fascination with people intrigues me and drives me to be social. I feel like an explorer, and I am GENUINELY interested in exploring/studying/engaging with everyone/anyone.

    Yet when it comes to the point where I actually need to MAKE TIME for someone, as in they want to hang out or whatever - I can suddenly withdraw and become very protective of my time, autonomy, and freedom. I can become quite elusive. When I am present, I will make you feel like you are the only person in the room, because I truly will be fascinated with you, yet I can be tough to pin down.

    When someone calls me up and I don't answer the phone or the email or whatever and I start acting distant - people tell me I let them down. They want more. I flee. They say I flip flop, give mixed signals, and can be difficult to read.

    Any other ENFPs experience this phenomenon? Any thoughts on why we can pull this number?

    As warm, friendly, and engaging as we are we actually have a very private side that we allow few others to access I believe.

    We can give the illusion of having been completely "open," yet little do they know, they have barely scratched the surface. The result - people feel very connected to us - like they *know* us - but we may not feel that same *connection* to them, although they will believe that we feel that way towards them! They are inevitably surprised to discover that we don't! That we were just being friendly!
    Yeah, my mom once accused me of having some minor form of bipolar disorder because of this. I don't know why this is, but we're intense. When we're up, we're UUUUPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!! and when we're down, we're like, don't talk to me, I'm in my dark place.

    As for the connection thing, that's an illusion created by our curiosity for people and "aura of acceptance."

    I think the friendly-aloof thing is us switching between Ne and Fi respectively.

    "OMG I FEEEEEEEEEL SO INTENSELY ABOUT EVERYTHING OMG OMG OMG GET ME A XANAX" -Priam (ENFP impersonation)

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenix13 View Post
    Yeah, my mom once accused me of having some minor form of bipolar disorder because of this. I don't know why this is, but we're intense. When we're up, we're UUUUPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!! and when we're down, we're like, don't talk to me, I'm in my dark place.

    As for the connection thing, that's an illusion created by our curiosity for people and "aura of acceptance."

    I think the friendly-aloof thing is us switching between Ne and Fi respectively.
    WE ARE AWESOME!

  8. #48
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    yup
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  9. #49
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenix13 View Post
    Yeah, my mom once accused me of having some minor form of bipolar disorder because of this. I don't know why this is, but we're intense. When we're up, we're UUUUPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!! and when we're down, we're like, don't talk to me, I'm in my dark place.
    I think I can relate to this. A lot.

  10. #50
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I really like ENFPs and I was just shouting at mine last night. They don't deserve the bad rap they get. My sister is one of the most giving patient people I know.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

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