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  1. #31
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Actually, that's something I will gladly do for them, as long as it does not become a routine and they start relying on it. And even then, I'll go out of my way to accomodate them, as long as I see progress (aka it helps to talk and they slowely get back on their feet). Just, they cannot blame me for it if I am in fact not available when they didn't give me a heads up, as I consider that guilttripping and that gets you a time-out.

    Agreed on the INTJ team-up. It's awesome. My SO plans around me too as he knows what I'll do, aka procrastinate. On subjects that aren't important he'll let it slide and yes, we will be 15 minutes late, or we will not have packed that one handy thing but I'll improvize something when we're there that works just as well (usually it's justg a bit onortodox though, which makes it even more amusing), or sometimes I'll have a brilliant incling in the moment and shift things around and make them into something completely different and more fun. Either way, the world doesn't fall apart just coz he doesn't pick up my slack, I just readjust it a little. When it's important to him and more conventional and other people depend on it, which means I cannot do my 'in the moment' bit, I let him handle it, coz otherwise my eyes just glaze over before I've even started it.

    Like said before, I too can finish something if it's important to someone, just like I *can* be on time if it's really that important to you. Plz though, realize what you're asking of me. It's a huge thing. It means that I cannot be in my own little world for an entire day coz I have to constantly keep track of time. It sucks the fun out of life for me and stresses me to death, especially if I still have to do other stuff that day. But I'll gladly do it. For you. Anytime. As long as you appreciate it
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  2. #32
    Senior Member hokie912's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    When I am present, I will make you feel like you are the only person in the room, because I truly will be fascinated with you, yet I can be tough to pin down.
    Extraverted NFs seem to do this kind of thing a lot. How can someone be the most interesting person in the room at one moment and yet there's no interest in pursuing that further? It seems so fickle. I guess it's hard for me to understand, because I am more reserved in crowds and only really open up in small groups or one-on-one. If I find someone interesting in a group, my first reaction is to want to get to know them more intimately to gauge whether it's a potential friendship. I have an ENFP friend who is all smiles and engagement when I see her, but extremely difficult to get in touch with to plan getting together. If we ever do see one another, it's on her schedule, as if she woke up one day and randomly thought, "Oh, hey, I haven't seen so-and-so in a while!" It's tough to know whether to take it personally.

  3. #33
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Actually, you described us perfectly. If you call us on a moment that we're not in the middle of something and no one has pinned us down yet that day, you're on. But the whole scheduling thing is a gruesome feeling. We like to go with what we feel like doing in the moment. Don't get me wrong, we love to see you, and get together with you and have fun, but that doesn't mean that that's going to be what we feel like doing at the time that we've agreed on a week ago. Clearly, we know this isn't practical, but ideally, I for one just prefer doing things in the moment. (speaking for other ENFPs again, but I'm sure they'll let ya know if they disagree)

    Just now, I met up with a fellow ENFP. We always take at least a week, if not a month to finally get together, coz we always end up deciding this spontaneously as plans never get anywhere. And chances are, we have obligations, or we just don't feel it at that point. We don't blame each other, it'll happen, at some point. There's no deadline on it. Now today, I had to go give her something that needs to be taken care of, and my SO is nowhere to be seen. I also like her SO and it had been a while since I went shopping, and it's always fun with her. She from her side, felt like procrastinating a bit as she's supposed to put together some exams (she's a teacher) so much preferred me distracting her with all kinds of shops she's crazy about too, over putting together those annoying exams
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  4. #34
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    the whole scheduling thing is a gruesome feeling. We like to go with what we feel like doing in the moment. Don't get me wrong, we love to see you, and get together with you and have fun, but that doesn't mean that that's going to be what we feel like doing at the time that we've agreed on a week ago.
    EXACTLY. I DREAD agreeing to a committment.

    Friend: How about Saturday at eight?
    Me: <reluctantly> ummmm, yeah... call me...
    Friend: So Saturday at eight then right?
    Me: <with smile and wink> It's definitely possible!!
    Friend: Ok meet me at _____.
    Me: Yeah I will call you...

    They can't really pin down if I'm concretely saying yes. I like to keep my options open, but also don't like to hurt people's feelings.

    I don't like scheduling events because in the present moment, in the "state" I'm in, I may truly feel like going ot the event - but when it actually rolls around a week later - I don't know what my "state" will be and chances are I will very well not feel like going!!

    It's best if you let me know I'm invited, but not press me to commit - so that when it does roll around, I feel like I don't *HAVE TO* go but can *CHOOSE* to go if I want. That way we are allowed to reference our present "state" in deciding whether to go - and not guess at what our "state" will be weeks or months from now.

    And yes we really do find everyone fascinating, each in their own way.

  5. #35
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hokie912 View Post
    Extraverted NFs seem to do this kind of thing a lot. How can someone be the most interesting person in the room at one moment and yet there's no interest in pursuing that further? It seems so fickle. I guess it's hard for me to understand, because I am more reserved in crowds and only really open up in small groups or one-on-one. If I find someone interesting in a group, my first reaction is to want to get to know them more intimately to gauge whether it's a potential friendship. I have an ENFP friend who is all smiles and engagement when I see her, but extremely difficult to get in touch with to plan getting together. If we ever do see one another, it's on her schedule, as if she woke up one day and randomly thought, "Oh, hey, I haven't seen so-and-so in a while!" It's tough to know whether to take it personally.
    We are not Fe users. Nor are we dominant feelers. Our feelings about things are cultivated on our own time, and in private. Our interest is not emotionally motivated. If someone is the most interesting person in the room one minute it's for mostly intellectual reasons. "This is a kind of person I haven't seen before. I wish to know more about it for my database." They're not the most interesting person the next day because we did enough research the last time we met them and have found something new to study somewhere else.

    Just because we find someone interesting doesn't mean we are deeply emotionally invested in building a long lasting and meaningful relationship with them. We were just curious. We don't need to take the time to gauge friendship potential because making friends comes easily to us and isn't as big a deal as it is to introvert feelers. A friend is someone whose number is in your phone and who you can call when you want to hang out with them. This could happen twice a week or once every three years. It doesn't make a difference to us.
    Likes ScareBear liked this post

  6. #36
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    Just because we find someone interesting doesn't mean we are deeply emotionally invested in building a long lasting and meaningful relationship with them. We were just curious. We don't need to take the time to gauge friendship potential because making friends comes easily to us and isn't as big a deal as it is to introvert feelers. A friend is someone whose number is in your phone and who you can call when you want to hang out with them. This could happen twice a week or once every three years. It doesn't make a difference to us.
    That, ma'am, is going to come back and bite you on the ass one day.

  7. #37
    Senior Member hokie912's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    We are not Fe users. Nor are we dominant feelers. Our feelings about things are cultivated on our own time, and in private. Our interest is not emotionally motivated. If someone is the most interesting person in the room one minute it's for mostly intellectual reasons. "This is a kind of person I haven't seen before. I wish to know more about it for my database." They're not the most interesting person the next day because we did enough research the last time we met them and have found something new to study somewhere else.

    Just because we find someone interesting doesn't mean we are deeply emotionally invested in building a long lasting and meaningful relationship with them. We were just curious. We don't need to take the time to gauge friendship potential because making friends comes easily to us and isn't as big a deal as it is to introvert feelers. A friend is someone whose number is in your phone and who you can call when you want to hang out with them. This could happen twice a week or once every three years. It doesn't make a difference to us.
    It makes sense, really. It's just very different from the way I approach things, so it takes some getting used to. I don't automatically want to befriend every person I find interesting, but I do tentatively want to know more about him or her. Though logically, if you can gather enough information to satisfy your curiosity the first time around, that works, too. I'm just not such a social creature!

    Maybe some of it is the Ni-Fe combination for INFJs... going for depth rather than breadth of understanding. I can't imagine thinking in terms of databases of people (that's so Ne!)...I'm more likely to zero in on the one or two people in the room I find intriguing and intently try to figure out what makes them tick. Which sometimes requires follow-up.

  8. #38
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    That, ma'am, is going to come back and bite you on the ass one day.
    My friends know this about me. I try to make it very clear to people at the very start of a friendship that I am very busy and all over the place and that we will see each other when we see each other. Obviously if someone I care about is in a serious emotional crisis I will be there for them but there's serious business and "My boss was mean bloooo bloooo comfort meeeeee!"

    I have a lot of INFJs in my life and I understand their need for one on one time and their need for a depth of understanding but it does make me deeply uncomfortable. I feel exposed and vulnerable and I don't like having my emotions probed too deeply. It results in an almost immediate fight or flight response. My INFJ roomate keeps trying to get me to talk to her about a very traumatic childhood event that I made the mistake of telling her about once (she's looking to be a counselor for people who have similar issues) and my reaction is always to joke about it and then change the topic. I know it frustrates her and I understand that she cares about me and just wants to help but it weirds me right the fuck out.

    I think most ENFPs will agree with me when I say that our flakiness doesn't mean that we don't like you. We just like a hundred other people just as much, and we appreciate them all for unique and individual reasons. We have a lot of room in hearts for people, just not enough hours in the day.


    (I'm also more emotionally closed off than most of the ENFPs I have observed on the forums. I can be kind of a cold bitch sometimes.)

  9. #39
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Hokie, I'd like to say that I don't entirely agree with Tiny. Yes, it does work that way in the beginning. But because we meet so many, and not first observe, we can satisfy our curiosity about certain people in one go, while others we find more...interesting I guess, or say feel in sync with, which causes us to come back for more. That doesn't mean we didn't like the first person, it's just that that first person isn't likely to be able to offer us more, and for that matter, we're unlikely to be able to offer them more, I'd say. And that connection that we made, as superficial as it may seem, is still valuable to us, and we might yet come back to it. Every person is unique to us and depending on the 'click' the depth of the connection can differ profoundly.

    I guess you could say we select differently than you do. We use Ne to get in the middle of the action and select. Whereas you will observe and pick out those that you find interesting after observation
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  10. #40
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    My friends know this about me. I try to make it very clear to people at the very start of a friendship that I am very busy and all over the place and that we will see each other when we see each other. Obviously if someone I care about is in a serious emotional crisis I will be there for them but there's serious business and "My boss was mean bloooo bloooo comfort meeeeee!"

    I have a lot of INFJs in my life and I understand their need for one on one time and their need for a depth of understanding but it does make me deeply uncomfortable. I feel exposed and vulnerable and I don't like having my emotions probed too deeply. It results in an almost immediate fight or flight response. My INFJ roomate keeps trying to get me to talk to her about a very traumatic childhood event that I made the mistake of telling her about once (she's looking to be a counselor for people who have similar issues) and my reaction is always to joke about it and then change the topic. I know it frustrates her and I understand that she cares about me and just wants to help but it weirds me right the fuck out.

    I think most ENFPs will agree with me when I say that our flakiness doesn't mean that we don't like you. We just like a hundred other people just as much, and we appreciate them all for unique and individual reasons. We have a lot of room in hearts for people, just not enough hours in the day.


    (I'm also more emotionally closed off than most of the ENFPs I have observed on the forums. I can be kind of a cold bitch sometimes.)

    You need a name card.

    Hi, I'm Tiny.
    I'm busy and I know a lot of people.
    I want to get to know you too. Don't take it personally, yo.

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