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  1. #11
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    I have an almost scientific interest in people. I often offer up information about myself to draw other people out and more often than not they see this as a bond formed. It isn't. I just wanted information and am personable enough to draw it out of other people. If someone doesn't want to be probed I back off and expect to be treated the same.

    I am often told I'm cold and unfeeling because I can be so engaging and warm one minute and then off in my own exclusionary world the next. Just because an ENFP is curious about you doesn't mean they actually care. Remember that we lead with our perceptions, not our feelings.

  2. #12
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    I have an almost scientific interest in people. I often offer up information about myself to draw other people out and more often than not they see this as a bond formed. It isn't. I just wanted information and am personable enough to draw it out of other people. If someone doesn't want to be probed I back off and expect to be treated the same.

    I am often told I'm cold and unfeeling because I can be so engaging and warm one minute and then off in my own exclusionary world the next. Just because an ENFP is curious about you doesn't mean they actually care. Remember that we lead with our perceptions, not our feelings.
    Thank you, Tiny Army! This is what I was getting at...

    Love my ENFPeeps!

  3. #13
    Obsession. Lethe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    I'm an ENFP and I have found (and been told) that one minute I can be completely friendly, engaging, playful, charming, flirtatious. etc. and then the next minute I can be aloof, guarded, private, elusive, mysterious, and difficult to get to know.

    I've reflected on this and tried to figure it out. When I'm "out and about" my curiosity towards and fascination with people intrigues me and drives me to be social. I feel like an explorer, and I am GENUINELY interested in exploring/studying/engaging with everyone/anyone.

    Yet when it comes to the point where I actually need to MAKE TIME for someone, as in they want to hang out or whatever - I can suddenly withdraw and become very protective of my time, autonomy, and freedom. I can become quite elusive. When I am present, I will make you feel like you are the only person in the room, because I truly will be fascinated with you, yet I can be tough to pin down.

    We can give the illusion of having been completely "open," yet little do they know, they have barely scratched the surface. The result - people feel very connected to us - like they *know* us - but we may not feel that same *connection* to them, although they will believe that we feel that way towards them! They are inevitably surprised to discover that we don't! That we were just being friendly!
    Thanks for this post. I was about to set up a thread asking the same questions. I wondered why an ENFP I knew was:

    (a) Extroverted in large groups, yet introverted in one-on-one settings. Could be (very) difficult to talk to privately.

    (b) Trying to appear open, yet emphasized that nobody fully knew them when asked.

    (c) Constantly changing from hot n' cold. Never sure which side you'll see.


    (*Note: It's just this ENFP. I have an easier time with the others.)
    "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers -- only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." -- Grace Hartigan

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    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithSoul View Post
    Looking into the eyes of a [Ni user] is like peeking through a portal into a parallel universe.

  4. #14
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    I find that when I get this way.. it's usually because I am EXHAUSTED.. I genuinely care about peoples' stories, but sometimes, I need time to breath/refocus, and then I get overwhelmed and retreat. I'm in the ebb/flow of my own world..

    I think time is the thing that I lack, and so when some people are like, "Why don't you call? Why don't you come visit?" I really would love to, but am really tired.. I know it sounds selfish, but I truly do feel pretty wrung out sometimes.. truly.

  5. #15
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    I'm an ENFP and I have found (and been told) that one minute I can be completely friendly, engaging, playful, charming, flirtatious. etc. and then the next minute I can be aloof, guarded, private, elusive, mysterious, and difficult to get to know.

    I've reflected on this and tried to figure it out. When I'm "out and about" my curiosity towards and fascination with people intrigues me and drives me to be social. I feel like an explorer, and I am GENUINELY interested in exploring/studying/engaging with everyone/anyone.

    Yet when it comes to the point where I actually need to MAKE TIME for someone, as in they want to hang out or whatever - I can suddenly withdraw and become very protective of my time, autonomy, and freedom. I can become quite elusive. When I am present, I will make you feel like you are the only person in the room, because I truly will be fascinated with you, yet I can be tough to pin down.

    When someone calls me up and I don't answer the phone or the email or whatever and I start acting distant - people tell me I let them down. They want more. I flee. They say I flip flop, give mixed signals, and can be difficult to read.

    Any other ENFPs experience this phenomenon? Any thoughts on why we can pull this number?

    As warm, friendly, and engaging as we are we actually have a very private side that we allow few others to access I believe.

    We can give the illusion of having been completely "open," yet little do they know, they have barely scratched the surface. The result - people feel very connected to us - like they *know* us - but we may not feel that same *connection* to them, although they will believe that we feel that way towards them! They are inevitably surprised to discover that we don't! That we were just being friendly!
    I've been treated like I'm confusing at times. Let me break it down simply.

    People love love love the fact that NF's are warm, and emotional, and loving, and they can't seem to get enough of it. They treat us like we're dispensers, and they can just push a button and get the sweet sweet candy of understanding anytime they want. As if we have unlimited supplies of it, and that we have limitless energy and understanding. They don't understand that we wear out too, that we need to recharge ourselves, that we can't be out in the world all the time. I feel like I need to retreat into my own head for awhile, and regroup. Especially so if there's a particularly intense relationship going on. For me, it's a series of "get close, move back" maneuvers. I have to be able to disconnect from people. And have the confidence that everyone isn't going to fall apart just because I'm retreating for a little while. It's emotional blackmail if anyone tells you that you're "letting them down", or are accusing you of being aloof just because you need some space.

  6. #16
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    I've been treated like I'm confusing at times. Let me break it down simply.

    People love love love the fact that NF's are warm, and emotional, and loving, and they can't seem to get enough of it. They treat us like we're dispensers, and they can just push a button and get the sweet sweet candy of understanding anytime they want. As if we have unlimited supplies of it, and that we have limitless energy and understanding. They don't understand that we wear out too, that we need to recharge ourselves, that we can't be out in the world all the time. I feel like I need to retreat into my own head for awhile, and regroup. Especially so if there's a particularly intense relationship going on. For me, it's a series of "get close, move back" maneuvers. I have to be able to disconnect from people. And have the confidence that everyone isn't going to fall apart just because I'm retreating for a little while. It's emotional blackmail if anyone tells you that you're "letting them down", or are accusing you of being aloof just because you need some space.
    So it's not about disallusionment? (I've heard this from ENFPs)
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  7. #17
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    oh well it can be depends on the behavior you're discussing...if you mean acting completely engaged one minute and uninterested the next...it could be that...the way to know the difference is if you ever see the warm interested side again..if you do.. that means they were probably just distracted and in their own head for a bit...checked out, ya know..and it had nothing to do with you.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #18
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    I've been treated like I'm confusing at times. Let me break it down simply.

    People love love love the fact that NF's are warm, and emotional, and loving, and they can't seem to get enough of it. They treat us like we're dispensers, and they can just push a button and get the sweet sweet candy of understanding anytime they want. As if we have unlimited supplies of it, and that we have limitless energy and understanding. They don't understand that we wear out too, that we need to recharge ourselves, that we can't be out in the world all the time. I feel like I need to retreat into my own head for awhile, and regroup. Especially so if there's a particularly intense relationship going on. For me, it's a series of "get close, move back" maneuvers. I have to be able to disconnect from people. And have the confidence that everyone isn't going to fall apart just because I'm retreating for a little while. It's emotional blackmail if anyone tells you that you're "letting them down", or are accusing you of being aloof just because you need some space.
    +1
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  9. #19
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    So it's not about disallusionment? (I've heard this from ENFPs)
    I can't say that disillusionment doesn't have anything to do with the way I behave. I've been guilty of withdrawing from people in close relationships because I was surprised by something they said or did, but it isn't a permanent state of being. Usually, I'll withdraw if I've discovered something new in an abrupt and emotionally exposed manner, and I need to process it and decide how I feel about it. It's not necessarily about disillusionment with the individual. And if the surprising revelation isn't going to fly, then I'll definitely tell them so. They won't be hanging on the line.

    But usually, I don't walk away from people unless I'm exhausted and I have to go empty out my head.

  10. #20
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    ...or when you don't get a response out of them, after repeatedly trying. I close the door but leave the window open then though
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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