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  1. #91
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hopelesswanderer View Post
    Almost this identical conversation happened to me a couple hours ago! I have a friendship like thing going on with an ENFP and last night I asked if he wanted to get lunch this week. He replied with, "Yes!" and when I woke up I gave him times that I was available during the week...he never responded. So later in the day I texted again asking if tomorrow would work and he goes, "Possibly! Let's play it by ear!"

    hahah so now I understand why..I've noticed this, but was never sure if it was me or just him. He doesn't like to be held down by commitment, which is kind of ironic because I have come to realize that I need commitment for most things and I've noticed a lot of other INFJs are the same way. Yet ENFPs and INFJs are supposed to be very comparable for each other? Interesting. I'll have to bring this up to him so that he knows that I understand.
    You'll see, if you reread earlier parts of the thread, that we tend to be a lot less flaky with the person we share our lives with

    They tend to take priority in the attention department, for obvious reasons, as well as be 'in the know' wrt what we need. At least, thats how it works for me. I have no qualms telling my INTJ 'Not now, dear.', whereas that is way harder to explain to others. He *knows* how my moods work, as he lives them, daily. He won't look at me bizarrely when I try to explain to him why this is important and how it is I cannot work around this. Or why I even dare to give this priority - the earful you get when you try and explain this to others...

    Meanwhile, he has no problems identifying which circumstances will warrant a breach of my 'cocoon' without abusing the fact that he can actually enter as he'll be shooting himself in the foot if he does - there are quite severe consequences to not allowing me to recharge, especially for me and those living with me. My vivaciousness, warmth, understanding and empathy do eventually have a limit, if not allowed to recover. And considering he very much enjoys those spoils and knows first hand what happens when I run out, it is very much a priority to him to make sure I don't.

    That is more than I can say for most of my friends or the outside world.

    Iow, its a very different experience being our SO vs being our friend
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    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  2. #92
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    Quote Originally Posted by hopelesswanderer View Post
    Almost this identical conversation happened to me a couple hours ago! I have a friendship like thing going on with an ENFP and last night I asked if he wanted to get lunch this week. He replied with, "Yes!" and when I woke up I gave him times that I was available during the week...he never responded. So later in the day I texted again asking if tomorrow would work and he goes, "Possibly! Let's play it by ear!"

    hahah so now I understand why..I've noticed this, but was never sure if it was me or just him. He doesn't like to be held down by commitment, which is kind of ironic because I have come to realize that I need commitment for most things and I've noticed a lot of other INFJs are the same way. Yet ENFPs and INFJs are supposed to be very comparable for each other? Interesting. I'll have to bring this up to him so that he knows that I understand.
    Yes! That is so true about me too. I really try to understand people's busy life and be as flexible as I can, but it gets to me when I put a lot of effort to reaching out and get no commitment (same response) OR you don't feel like hanging out (once the commitment has been made). I will say that I will view you as a flaky person and don't care to hang out with you in the future. I take it personally because I feel like you don't respect my time yet you expect me to meet you more than half way. If you communicate to me ahead of time for whatever reasons that you can't make it, I totally respect that and will move on. No biggie.

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    You'll see, if you reread earlier parts of the thread, that we tend to be a lot less flaky with the person we share our lives with
    Hmm, that's very interesting...I invited this enfp guy to an event awhile ago and he mention that his friend is throwing a party that same night too (okay, cool). He said that he'll try to come but he doesn't want to be flaky with me. When he said that my respect for him grew because he was honest with me upfront.

    JMT.

  3. #93
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    I've gotten way better about this. I used to just say yes to everyone and flake out.

    Now I make and keep plans much better and am better at communicating a "maybe" when that's what needs to be said. I do tend to either overestimate how much I can do in a given period of time or just get overwhelmed by too many plans and stop participating in plan-making. I guess the time-management piece still needs work.

    Edit: oh but the "aloof" thing. Yeah, I'm off in my head a lot. I think N-doms can get caught up in analyze mode or something where we're operating just a few steps outside of what's really going on around us.

    Also, I sometimes wait too long to "recharge" and I think people can be put off by a sudden shut-out.

    I've also read it's a 7w6 thing to be kinda head-in-the-cloudsy. Guess I never stood a chance lol.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  4. #94
    Senior Member Dancing_Queen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    I'm an ENFP and I have found (and been told) that one minute I can be completely friendly, engaging, playful, charming, flirtatious. etc. and then the next minute I can be aloof, guarded, private, elusive, mysterious, and difficult to get to know.

    I've reflected on this and tried to figure it out. When I'm "out and about" my curiosity towards and fascination with people intrigues me and drives me to be social. I feel like an explorer, and I am GENUINELY interested in exploring/studying/engaging with everyone/anyone.

    Yet when it comes to the point where I actually need to MAKE TIME for someone, as in they want to hang out or whatever - I can suddenly withdraw and become very protective of my time, autonomy, and freedom. I can become quite elusive. When I am present, I will make you feel like you are the only person in the room, because I truly will be fascinated with you, yet I can be tough to pin down.

    When someone calls me up and I don't answer the phone or the email or whatever and I start acting distant - people tell me I let them down. They want more. I flee. They say I flip flop, give mixed signals, and can be difficult to read.

    Any other ENFPs experience this phenomenon? Any thoughts on why we can pull this number?

    As warm, friendly, and engaging as we are we actually have a very private side that we allow few others to access I believe.

    We can give the illusion of having been completely "open," yet little do they know, they have barely scratched the surface. The result - people feel very connected to us - like they *know* us - but we may not feel that same *connection* to them, although they will believe that we feel that way towards them! They are inevitably surprised to discover that we don't! That we were just being friendly!
    Totally me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    I have an almost scientific interest in people. I often offer up information about myself to draw other people out and more often than not they see this as a bond formed. It isn't. I just wanted information and am personable enough to draw it out of other people. If someone doesn't want to be probed I back off and expect to be treated the same.

    I am often told I'm cold and unfeeling because I can be so engaging and warm one minute and then off in my own exclusionary world the next. Just because an ENFP is curious about you doesn't mean they actually care. Remember that we lead with our perceptions, not our feelings.
    Agree 100%. I'm not nearly as sentimental in my interests as it may seem.

    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    Amen. Nothing makes me want to flee faster.

    I want to give on my own terms so to speak - not for it to be EXPECTED. By the same token, I INVITE others, but do not EXPECT it.

    I also have a huge need for autonomy and independence. I hate it when someone tries to "tell me what to do" or control me. I will rebel!
    THIS.

    My time, my space. I go to you when I want to, if I want to. Don't pester me.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #95
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Amen. Nothing makes me want to flee faster.

    I want to give on my own terms so to speak - not for it to be EXPECTED. By the same token, I INVITE others, but do not EXPECT it.

    I also have a huge need for autonomy and independence. I hate it when someone tries to "tell me what to do" or control me. I will rebel!
    oh, this too big time.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  6. #96
    Senior Member Dancing_Queen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Yeah, I think that ^^ touches on what some others have said about the different between being interested and "caring" in the traditional sense. I think ENTPs and ENFPs are similar in this respect and why it bothers me when I see other people get the two confused and attribute "kindness" or "warmth" to people who I don't think are warm or kind, just curious.

    You can be really enthusiastic about an idea or a story and it may be genuine curiousity but it's also impartial, dispassionate or even disrespectful curiousity (like I'm a circus freak) but it doesn't mean you are emotionally invested (or want to be) in someone or care.


    I feel like people get suckered all the time, whether that was the intent or not, by people who are socially smooth or just bother to ask you more than 2 questions about your day. It bothers me. It's a classic politican/used car salesmen kinda move, I see right through it and I always have. You can't bs a bs-er! It's so freaking patronizing!

    Also, sometimes when people ask you about yourself it is WAY more about them than you.

    This is also why I have trouble really getting along with people who I think are overly in my business or who want to ask me deep, probing questions in passing. I'm not a specimen in a jar and I'm a self-contained person, if I want you to know something I will tell you.

    And being Ne dom myself, I know the difference between pure curiousity and genuine concern or interest in me and I'm not going to open up to every random.

    But I agree with LadyJaye, I think maybe immature or unealthy ENFPs may fake it to an extent, but I respect people enough not to. If I show interest it is genuine.
    BRAVO!!!

    I am sick and tired of all the ENFP stereotypes that paint us like Disney characters all the time. I did really think I was an ENTP for more than a year and it weren't for some very specific things that made me pause, I'd probably would still think I was one.

    I honestly don't know where people get this whole "ENFP are open books!" bull from. I blame the Maniac Pixie Girl phenom, I swear 90% of fictional ENFP examples are either one of them or a Disney princess (not to shade them, I love some of the very much).

    Yes, I'm a good person, yes I'm a good friend. No, I don't wanna hear you whining about your boyfriend yet again!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #97
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dancing_Queen View Post
    BRAVO!!!

    I am sick and tired of all the ENFP stereotypes that paint us like Disney characters all the time. I did really think I was an ENTP for more than a year and it weren't for some very specific things that made me pause, I'd probably would still think I was one.

    I honestly don't know where people get this whole "ENFP are open books!" bull from. I blame the Maniac Pixie Girl phenom, I swear 90% of fictional ENFP examples are either one of them or a Disney princess (not to shade them, I love some of the very much).

    Yes, I'm a good person, yes I'm a good friend. No, I don't wanna hear you whining about your boyfriend yet again!
    I hate to say it, but that rep we get is because often we push it. We aren't open books, but its comfortable to have an image projected so that people are distracted with it while we evaluate them.

  8. #98
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dancing_Queen View Post
    BRAVO!!!

    I am sick and tired of all the ENFP stereotypes that paint us like Disney characters all the time. I did really think I was an ENTP for more than a year and it weren't for some very specific things that made me pause, I'd probably would still think I was one.

    I honestly don't know where people get this whole "ENFP are open books!" bull from. I blame the Maniac Pixie Girl phenom, I swear 90% of fictional ENFP examples are either one of them or a Disney princess (not to shade them, I love some of the very much).

    Yes, I'm a good person, yes I'm a good friend. No, I don't wanna hear you whining about your boyfriend yet again!
    I took that to mean that we just don't hold shit back like others might. That we prefer to be open and direct and just real. We will say the completely honest thing that not everyone will.

    But you're right and I agree with you that I don't just sit and tell everyone my business. I don't even get very personal on here and I've been here a long time. It's too public.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #99
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Also always hated the Disney princess stuff too.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #100
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dancing_Queen View Post
    BRAVO!!!

    I am sick and tired of all the ENFP stereotypes that paint us like Disney characters all the time. I did really think I was an ENTP for more than a year and it weren't for some very specific things that made me pause, I'd probably would still think I was one.

    I honestly don't know where people get this whole "ENFP are open books!" bull from. I blame the Maniac Pixie Girl phenom, I swear 90% of fictional ENFP examples are either one of them or a Disney princess (not to shade them, I love some of the very much).

    Yes, I'm a good person, yes I'm a good friend. No, I don't wanna hear you whining about your boyfriend yet again!
    Is it bad if I fulfill that stereotype though?
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so


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