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  1. #31
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Actually, the sheer levels of my own unreality cause constant problems and astonish my family/friends as if I'd had a head trauma.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  2. #32
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hommefatal View Post
    The only problem ENFJs are often very reality-based. They become one with social attitudes and then they take breaking of the rules personally.
    The ENFJs I know are not into social convention or rules. They are quite different from the J stereotypes (which are usually about SJs).
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #33
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Indeed. ENFJs like people to play fair, but convention is out the door.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  4. #34
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    The ENFJs I know are not into social convention or rules. They are quite different from the J stereotypes (which are usually about SJs).
    Hmm, really?

    I always felt that Fe doesn't like breaking the rules but again I guess it depends on who you are interacting with to some extent.

    What exactly is the distinction between convention and rules?
    "That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can."

  5. #35
    Member MattC333's Avatar
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    I'm dating an ENFJ and she's great. She's very docile but gets things done. Far more productive than me, but still has that creative spark, which is what drew me to her.
    My best friend is also an ENFJ, sometimes he frets over stupid little details that mean nothing, but his work ethic is amazing.
    Never stick your d*ck in pudding...You can spend all day talking about how great it is but no-one will eat it 'cos you stuck your d*ck in it!!!

    "Does it involve wanton destruction?"
    "We can only hope"

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by hommefatal View Post
    ENFJs ....are so insecure it's getting on my nerves easily.
    I am very insecure in general. People have told me ever since I can remember to stop saying sorry. I don't know what to say. But I think when this is pronounced in ENFJs they are in shadow land. Like for me, I begin to imagine everyone else can see all of my problems and inadequacies, bc I am used to picking up on those in other people- I would like to think that I am altruistic abt it, but I just don't trust others to be. Can you say controlling?

    Quote Originally Posted by hommefatal View Post
    Like...if you say something they don't like because they're not able to manage it.
    Guilty, as charged. Way too much managing going on around in here. When this happens my sister patronizes me by saying excessively sweetly, "Amaaaaaaanda, you look sooooooo pretty" and I get angry. But I know that if she goes to those lengths then I must be doing something pretty snotty.
    In this case, you may want to tell the ENFJ to get a life, or at least to get over themselves and have some fun. Less management should occur.




    Quote Originally Posted by hommefatal View Post
    (If I say I don't want to have to care for people I can't stand.)
    I have passed judgment on people before regarding this same subj. - specifically my ENFP sister. She wanted to kill me, literally. I was shocked at how hurt she felt. In that case, I realized I was projecting my own unhealthy attitude/ thin psychological boundaries onto her. And I like to call myself non-judgmental. Piff. Its a matter of self-awareness in my mind- if I am unhappy with my own life, for example, caring for people I can't stand at my place of work, then I should do something about it rather than tell my sister she has no right to take care of herself emotionally.

  7. #37
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    I probably function as an ENFJ sometimes, around those I'm very close to, like my family. I'm sure I drive dh up the wall sometimes with my inability to let things go. "You should be upset about this!! Why doesn't that bother you?" A mature ENFJ can recognize that they've gotten stuck and switch gears & move on.
    I think I think more than you think I think.

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by mwv6r View Post
    An ENFJ first-grader was my absolute favorite student ever. She was constantly bubbling over with vivaciousness and enthusiasm. I'll never forget when she greeted me one Monday morning after a school break with, "Ms. V, I couldn't sleep last night because I was sooo excited about seeing you this morning!" She definitely aspired to be queen bee amongst her peers (and was largely successful), but she seemed to be a benign dictator in her social relationships, seeking harmony and always complimenting and helping others. (Whenever a new student joined the classroom she always took them under her wing; I had to step in sometimes because I worried she'd mother them so much that they'd stop doing anything for themselves.)

    Some of my coworkers certainly did find her exhausting! Ilissa always volunteered to accompany ill students to the nurse's office, but the nurse eventually requested that I stop allowing this because she said that Ilissa's constant conversation drove her crazy, lol. I have to say, though, I am crossing my fingers for an ENFJ when I have children of my own!

    You have just described my 8 yo daughter! I never even thought about her type until I read this. She definitely must be an ENFJ!!! Her father is also .. but she is adopted so did not get it from him. She is very intelligent, vivacious, bubbly, talkative, class clown, emotional. She is a trip.

    And as her mom .. she is most definitely exhausting!!!!!

  9. #39
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyGrass View Post
    I probably function as an ENFJ sometimes, around those I'm very close to, like my family. I'm sure I drive dh up the wall sometimes with my inability to let things go. "You should be upset about this!! Why doesn't that bother you?" A mature ENFJ can recognize that they've gotten stuck and switch gears & move on.
    After someone I loved deeply died, I found myself kicking the walls and wailing, "You've gone where I can't get to you..." I was very angry, like there had been another option besides death.

    I have trouble letting go.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  10. #40
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    I only know one confirmed ENFJ irl and I wouldn't say she's exhausting. Actually, there's no one I know IRL who I would say is exhausting by sheer extroversion, activity, travel, energy, or talking levels. Then again, I am mighty ENFP, pretty spastic in my own right. Actually, very spastic.

    ENFjs aren't spastic even according to type description, they are just...extra?

    When I was a kid my nickname was 'thunder and lightning' and I got to skip nap time in pre-k/kindergarten and instead run around on the playground with a bunch of ADD boys because I was just that energetic. I run on blood sugar, anxiety, and great expectations.

    So....no, I doubt I would find ENFJs exhausting IRL.

    You know who are exhausting? Emotional vampires! And those are usually introverts.

    HAHAHAHAHA.

    *edit* No really, drama queens and kings are 'exhausting' IMO but not people who are energetic or lively. I like lively and energetic people, it's good company for me. And also curious and adventurous people. x 2
    Last edited by CzeCze; 06-25-2009 at 12:34 AM. Reason: grammar
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

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