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  1. #1
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Default "When you know, you know."

    Married (or seriously partnered) NFs: how did you "know" that this person was "the one" for you?!

    I recently posed this question to a group of people and they all unanimously replied, "when you know, you know."

    I've never experienced that and I still don't get what they mean - I need details people! Description? Elaboration? Explanation?

    I even prodded them further - all they could say was: "You just know."

  2. #2
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    I knew that I liked her.. a lot. I could barely function the next day. I just "saw" the long term potential. I had other dates lined up, and I just had a hunch that I should cancel all of them and make more dates with her.

    Others might experience it entirely differently.

  3. #3
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    it means you've made your decision. passed your tests. completely accepted this as your life/future.

    hindsight is also very selective at remembering things...

    i also think a big aspect of reaching a stage of maturation when you can make this decision is when your first two functions are well balanced. the second checks the first and gives it depth and realism. you have a better sense of what is possible, and you have limitations/restrictions that prompt you to make decisions in a more balanced way.

  4. #4
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    You get that feeling of tranquility. That feeling that the search is over. The need to keep looking vanishes. I couldn't imagine someone being more perfect, so why would I keep looking? I said it in one of your other threads as well, but here it is again:

    when you find someone who understands you with a single word, accepts and even loves your flaws, is able to see right through you and not run for cover, and gives you the benefit of the doubt...why would you let them go? I could see myself growing old with him. Others, I felt anxious, thinking about still being theirs a year, 5 years, let alone 10 years down the road.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  5. #5
    Senior Member WoodsWoman's Avatar
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    I distinctly remember making it a conscious choice - that above and beyond any feelings of the moment I would invest myself in this other person to the extent of my capabilities. I consciously re-affirmed that choice over the years - all nearly 22 of them. I've been a widow since February and would do it all over again given the chance.

    FYI - he was an ENTJ, strongest on the N.

  6. #6
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    when you find someone who understands you with a single word, accepts and even loves your flaws, is able to see right through you and not run for cover, and gives you the benefit of the doubt...why would you let them go? I could see myself growing old with him. Others, I felt anxious, thinking about still being theirs a year, 5 years, let alone 10 years down the road.
    +1

    The problem is when you find one you think is perfect then the flawed edges end up being too sharp for the supposed good bits to be worth it.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  7. #7
    Senior Member amelie's Avatar
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    When I realized that no matter what happened between us, I would still want to be with this person, and nothing was worth losing him over. That's when I knew for sure.

  8. #8
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    You get that feeling of tranquility. That feeling that the search is over. The need to keep looking vanishes. I couldn't imagine someone being more perfect, so why would I keep looking? I said it in one of your other threads as well, but here it is again:

    when you find someone who understands you with a single word, accepts and even loves your flaws, is able to see right through you and not run for cover, and gives you the benefit of the doubt...why would you let them go? I could see myself growing old with him. Others, I felt anxious, thinking about still being theirs a year, 5 years, let alone 10 years down the road.
    I have felt that I thought I was the only one, weird.
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Silent Stars's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    You get that feeling of tranquility. That feeling that the search is over. The need to keep looking vanishes. I couldn't imagine someone being more perfect, so why would I keep looking? I said it in one of your other threads as well, but here it is again:

    when you find someone who understands you with a single word, accepts and even loves your flaws, is able to see right through you and not run for cover, and gives you the benefit of the doubt...why would you let them go? I could see myself growing old with him. Others, I felt anxious, thinking about still being theirs a year, 5 years, let alone 10 years down the road.
    I feel exactly like that about the girl that I love, but nothing will really be able to happen for a good while as far as the progression of our relationship goes. I have hope that we'll end up together in the end, though.
    Enneagram 9w1 sp/so
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  10. #10
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    Mine had me the first day I saw his slouchy, cynical form in the back of the class looking like he didn't care...with a paper graded one point above mine. It was SO on. When we went out and he could quote the entire Holy Grail, that was it. I was having his babies.

    Yeah, I pretty much just knew. He was like your favorite pair of jeans, without having to break them in.

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