User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 48

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    44

    Default First post a DOOZY! Religious Crisis

    Hello typoologycentral forums!

    This is my first post, and it's a crazy issue I have. I hope I don't bore you with my rant

    Iím at a loss. In most situations there is either a way out or a way to fight back. But every once in a while there are situations where all doors are closed. And you are left to go mad in the room of choas.

    I was borne into a very devout Jehovahís Witness family. I devoted myself to it throughout my life, with some bumps in the road of course.

    Today is my 25th birthday. At this point in my life, I am no longer part of the JW faith. The problem being about 99% of my life (friends and family) are still devout and live their life according to that set of values.

    According to what they believe, I am a defector, a person in opposition of truth. On top of it, my family believes that their beloved son, nephew, brother etc is not going to share eternal life with them in the paradise earth. They are disappointed to say the least.

    As an INFP, and coupled with my upbringing, I have a fear of displeasing the ones I love. And this is the worst way I could possibly displease those people: by rejecting god.

    I have been going through some rigorous therapy for the past few years. It has been a really good help, but I just canít seem to get over the hump that everyone in my life thinks I deserve to die.

    Now hereís the interesting part. If I were to ask some of my loved ones if I deserved to die, or if I am the worthless human the bible tells me I am (based on actions) they would deny it. Itís just too harsh to think that way, even though the bible CLEARLY states that someone who knew the truth about god and then rejected it is worse than someone who doesnít know. Iím in the same category as the devil then.

    I know, in my heart, that they believe that because they have to believe it if they follow the bible verbatim (which they do).

    A good example would be my cousin, who I care deeply about. We are both musicians and like to play music together. Once I told him that I donít believe in the god of the bible anymore he said we wonít have dealings anymore.

    Let me shed some light on how things work for JWís. They really take the scripture that says we are to be ďno part of the worldĒ very seriously. JW kids are forbidden by their parents to have any outside-of-school dealings with any kid that is not of the faith. So growing up when I became someoneís friend at school I had to decline whenever they wanted to do something outside of school, make up some shit or tell them the truth. Howís that for a little kid problem. It was more than scraped knees for me.

    So naturally, if someone leaves the faith they are dubbed with the ďbad associationĒ tag.

    Luckily I have a wonderful wife (who I met at a JW convention) who really understands me and loves me for who I am. Itís a wonderful thing really, but everybody needs friends and people to care for and to be cared by.

    So here I am, 25 years old and having to completely start a new life from scratch, I am basically exiled by all family and friends. Any association I do get by these people is token effort and attempts to lead me back to the ďpath of righteousness.Ē (I chose the path that...ROCKS!)

    How does anyone really deal with something like this? I donít believe in my heart that I am worthless and deserve execution by god. But itís hard to swallow that everybody I have ever cared about believes it.

    Throw this into the mix too. 4 years ago I was diagnosed Bi Polar 2 with rapid mood cycling. I have severe depression sometimes, so itís very hard to pick up the pieces of this mess of a life. I have been in the ER 4 times in the past 12 months due to extreme suicidal ideations. I overwhelem myself sometimes thinking about the utter loss.

    I know there is a solution: donít let their opinion bother you. But try to understand that this is not just one personís opinion, itís about 99% of the people in my life.

    On top of it, I have very limited skills in making friends because I have never had to make friends. JW friends are kind of found for you, itís whoever goes to your congregation. I would actually feel a little dirty if I were to go out with someone that was ďworldly.Ē Itís ridiculous but itís whatís been inculcated into my brain through 2 decades of brainwashing.

    Curious to get peoples thoughts about a predicament of this magnitude.

  2. #2
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    7w6 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    6,727

    Default

    So why did you stop believing in God?
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

    The SP Spazz Youtube Channel

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    44

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffster View Post
    So why did you stop believing in God?
    That is a very complicated question. One I wrestled with for many years. For one I no longer believe in the god of the bible, but I do tend to think that we were designed by something. It just seems logical that we were.

    But, for me, the bible is discounted. I have studied it very closely for about 15 years, and have finally come to the PERSONAL conclusion that it is not divinly inspired.

  4. #4
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    7w6 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    6,727

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by sabastious View Post
    But, for me, the bible is discounted. I have studied it very closely for about 15 years, and have finally come to the PERSONAL conclusion that it is not divinly inspired.
    Well, if you're willing to elaborate, I'd love to hear the reasons for your conclusion.
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

    The SP Spazz Youtube Channel

  5. #5
    The Destroyer Colors's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    5x/o
    Posts
    1,271

    Default

    Relevance, Jeffster?

    Well, sabastious. Looks like you have to go one way or the other. Meet new people... or go back to the old ones. Even if it's awkward or "dirty" to go out of your comfort zone, it's sort of your only option.

  6. #6
    @.~*virinańČo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Hi guy,

    Your situation is pretty complex and it's getting late, but I want to encourage you to keep hanging out here.

    There are some cool people of various faiths here who will still accept you, and there are also cool people here who have either left their birth faiths or who are more agnostic/atheist in origin. In any case, you will find a lot of people who will be happy to accept you Just As You Are (TM) and might even be curious to learn something about the JW's just for the heckuvit.

    For my background, I consider myself more Christian agnostic if I have to attach a philosophical label to it but I spent almost my entire life immersed in evangelical/conservative Chrisianity, and when I left church two years ago, it was a Big Deal... and even now I still have to deal with religious family who see me as someone who has fallen away, although I'm actually a lot less tormented than I was and feel God more actively / see more personal growth than I did then while trying to worship their way. It's painful sometimes but you can make it through this.

    I know with the Bipolar, plus the fact you had NO support system outside the faith (the latter being partly one of my issues too), you might feel like it's an uphill climb... and yes, it probably is... but online forums sound like a great way to start until you make some real-life contacts and start to filter relationships back into your local area. (And let me say you're brave to make the break you did, only at age 25... it took me until I was 38 to finaly do what I was wrestling with for at least ten years but to some degree far longer than that. So don't feel bad about yourself, you have done / are doing something few people have the courage to do in the face of such heavy family pressure. Rebuilding your life, especially when you are starting over in so many ways, is HARD.)

    Anyway... welcome.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    ‚ÄúPleasure to me is wonder‚ÄĒthe unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.‚ÄĚ ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #7
    Senior Member ENFJ_Catholic's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    136

    Default

    I second Jennifer's welcome to the forum here. I do hope you find here to be a welcoming place... It sounds like you've really have it rough in this big transition.

    We're here as a support, not to judge. I hope that you find your place where you are, to realize your full potential and to open up to the whole world around you. You are you own person...and your family and old friends should understand this and accept it. :sad:

    I wish you the best with the journey ahead, my friend. Remember to keep opening up and find your identity deep down inside. Things will get better!
    "In the end it is not a matter of reason; it is a matter of love." - St. Thomas More

  8. #8
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Enneagram
    9w8 so/sx
    Posts
    11,544

    Default

    I grew up in a religion similar to JWs and my family was shunned when I was 14 so I understand what itís like to lose all your friends and support system to end up in a situation where you don't fit in the only place you've known but don't know how to fit anywhere else. Luckily I still had my immediate family.

    When religion is put before family then has nothing to do with what the bible teaches, no institute should be considered more important than a person.

    What Iíve learnt since is that anyone who would cut contact because they donít agree with what youíre doing is providing conditional and judgmental love and support, you deserve better than that.

    Please donít view this as a hopeless situation where no doors are opening for you, thatís simply not the case even though it feels that way, there are always doors opening and hindsight will allow you to see this. I was very angry with religion for some time after and still consider myself anti-religious but I can see that there are so many people out there who consider faith a big part of their life but do not pass judgment on others.

    You may never be able to have your family in your life again in the way you want and that's sad but what they want you to do you can't, so meet new people, there are probably other ex-JWs who are in contact with each other and provide support for people in similar situations to you, people like that would be able to help.

  9. #9
    Senior Member ENFJ_Catholic's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    136

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    When religion is put before family then has nothing to do with what the bible teaches, no institute should be considered more important than a person.

    What Iíve learnt since is that anyone who would cut contact because they donít agree with what youíre doing is providing conditional and judgmental love and support, you deserve better than that.
    I agree with Trinity here. The person must come first... that's part of the implied (or should it be more explicit?!) unconditional love of family and a support group that most religions are about. If not, then by all means keep searching for the meaningful in where you are.

    It should not be just a bunch of rules to be followed. It should be about the relationships.

    We're here for you!
    "In the end it is not a matter of reason; it is a matter of love." - St. Thomas More

  10. #10
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 so/sp
    Posts
    2,912

    Default

    Wow. That's a pretty tough situation to be in. But I have known people who have made a break from closed religious sects and successfully made the transition. I can't begin to understand what it must be like but I have a few suggestions that may help you.

    I'm not sure how much you have given up on religion but have you thought about joining a unitarian church or some other liberal christian church? This may help you make the transition more easily without straying too far from what you are used to. It may assist in negotiating your religious conflicts as well as forming new social groups and finding the support that you need.

    Other than this, I can't emphasize enough the importance of actively pursuing you interests. It really reminds you of who you are and what you are about. If you like walking, joing a hiking club. If you are interested in photography, take a night class. Learn a language, visit an art gallery, read up on a subject that's always intrigued you. People often forget to do this stuff and it can really help to find fulfillment and make friends as you do. Its something thats helped me when I was depressed and feeling socially isolated. I don't know if its a INFP thing but I feel like I can't stay stagnant I have to be growing, learning and moving forward as a person or I just start to really suffer for it.

    Its hard to put yourself out there at times but after you take an initial step it can become much easier.

Similar Threads

  1. this is my first post
    By itsamusical in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 12-01-2009, 11:53 AM
  2. First post- please help type me!
    By Annuit Coeptis in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 04-21-2008, 03:58 AM
  3. Reviews of Type Books: Read First Post
    By rivercrow in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 12-15-2007, 09:46 AM
  4. Replies: 27
    Last Post: 05-20-2007, 03:18 PM
  5. Hello - First Post
    By Sartorial in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 04-27-2007, 12:16 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO