Hello typoologycentral forums!
This is my first post, and it's a crazy issue I have. I hope I don't bore you with my rant
Iím at a loss. In most situations there is either a way out or a way to fight back. But every once in a while there are situations where all doors are closed. And you are left to go mad in the room of choas.
I was borne into a very devout Jehovahís Witness family. I devoted myself to it throughout my life, with some bumps in the road of course.
Today is my 25th birthday. At this point in my life, I am no longer part of the JW faith. The problem being about 99% of my life (friends and family) are still devout and live their life according to that set of values.
According to what they believe, I am a defector, a person in opposition of truth. On top of it, my family believes that their beloved son, nephew, brother etc is not going to share eternal life with them in the paradise earth. They are disappointed to say the least.
As an INFP, and coupled with my upbringing, I have a fear of displeasing the ones I love. And this is the worst way I could possibly displease those people: by rejecting god.
I have been going through some rigorous therapy for the past few years. It has been a really good help, but I just canít seem to get over the hump that everyone in my life thinks I deserve to die.
Now hereís the interesting part. If I were to ask some of my loved ones if I deserved to die, or if I am the worthless human the bible tells me I am (based on actions) they would deny it. Itís just too harsh to think that way, even though the bible CLEARLY states that someone who knew the truth about god and then rejected it is worse than someone who doesnít know. Iím in the same category as the devil then.
I know, in my heart, that they believe that because they have to believe it if they follow the bible verbatim (which they do).
A good example would be my cousin, who I care deeply about. We are both musicians and like to play music together. Once I told him that I donít believe in the god of the bible anymore he said we wonít have dealings anymore.
Let me shed some light on how things work for JWís. They really take the scripture that says we are to be ďno part of the worldĒ very seriously. JW kids are forbidden by their parents to have any outside-of-school dealings with any kid that is not of the faith. So growing up when I became someoneís friend at school I had to decline whenever they wanted to do something outside of school, make up some shit or tell them the truth. Howís that for a little kid problem. It was more than scraped knees for me.
So naturally, if someone leaves the faith they are dubbed with the ďbad associationĒ tag.
Luckily I have a wonderful wife (who I met at a JW convention) who really understands me and loves me for who I am. Itís a wonderful thing really, but everybody needs friends and people to care for and to be cared by.
So here I am, 25 years old and having to completely start a new life from scratch, I am basically exiled by all family and friends. Any association I do get by these people is token effort and attempts to lead me back to the ďpath of righteousness.Ē (I chose the path that...ROCKS!)
How does anyone really deal with something like this? I donít believe in my heart that I am worthless and deserve execution by god. But itís hard to swallow that everybody I have ever cared about believes it.
Throw this into the mix too. 4 years ago I was diagnosed Bi Polar 2 with rapid mood cycling. I have severe depression sometimes, so itís very hard to pick up the pieces of this mess of a life. I have been in the ER 4 times in the past 12 months due to extreme suicidal ideations. I overwhelem myself sometimes thinking about the utter loss.
I know there is a solution: donít let their opinion bother you. But try to understand that this is not just one personís opinion, itís about 99% of the people in my life.
On top of it, I have very limited skills in making friends because I have never had to make friends. JW friends are kind of found for you, itís whoever goes to your congregation. I would actually feel a little dirty if I were to go out with someone that was ďworldly.Ē Itís ridiculous but itís whatís been inculcated into my brain through 2 decades of brainwashing.
Curious to get peoples thoughts about a predicament of this magnitude.