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Thread: Unhealthy ENFP?

  1. #51
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heart&Brain View Post
    See, this is a nice example for fuelling the occasional (unhealthy or realistic?) misanthropy I've heard a few ENFPs express. Thanks for being so honest, even at the risk of putting yourself in a less flattering light.

    For me, this is an old and painful fear: that people will only care for the happy expression of me, not the down&blue one. I'm aware my enthusiasm can be judged 'too much' when I forget myself and everything around me to share something I care for. But I fear that my depressed times will be even more unacceptable to others. So I have made a habit of monitoring and censoring myself in either direction in order to avoid being judged as 'too much' and rejected. (The rejection is especially painful because the 'too much'-behaviour is often displayed when we trust, relax and let go of the censorship.)

    Thus, the fear: that "friends", people we begin to like and give a piece of ourselves to, don't really care for us, but will only stick around as long as they can benefit from the enthusiast, accepting and empathic aspects of us. We give connection, attention and don't judge. We share our warmth. We care. But deep inside might doubt if others would care too when we are not so giving, when we are down and needing support.

    Fearing to be unlovable when down, results could be:
    - Sticking to bad relationships because we think we haven't given enough yet or that we perhaps will never be loved again.
    - Appearing to be insincere, struggling to appear strong not to be judged and rejected by "friends" who can't cope.
    - Tending towards impulsivity, trying to regain the intensity of the new.
    - Seeking isolation until we feel a bit better, hiding in shame when we doubt if people can handle our shortcomings.

    I know that I've been guilty of all of the above in periods of stress or depression.
    +1000000000

    I on occasion still do the last two of that list, though that is lessening. I've just come to terms with the fact that people can't match our emotional intensity, be it good or bad. So I curb myself and gently test their limits and give them exactly what they can handle, not more. Unless I'm in no way able to get away from the situation, I'll isolate myself if I feel it getting out of hand. This is also the reason why I'm reluctant to go all giddy and join in that ENFP silly streak play-time, at least to the point where I lose myself in it. It's fun, but I lose perspective and might not notice that I'm overloading others.

    I remember from when I wasn't able to contain my dark emotions how much I overloaded others. I refuse to do that anymore. Ironically, people actually whine and sulk about that, saying 'they can handle it'. So I try it with them, a little at a time. Sure enough, most mean well but cannot cope with it all.

    Those rare individuals that can cope, or even are willing to tolerate it without holding it against me..they're so precious to me. They allow me to let go of the reigns and go all out and be me...just me, at least for a little while. I cannot express how much I love them for that.
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  2. #52
    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strawberrylover View Post
    SolitaryWalker, I'm curious as to how an unhealthy ENFP could become healthy if given that the external circumstances leading to the unhealthiness do not change?

    I'm guessing that the best way to do that would be to develop Te -- which bolsters Fi and gives it an intellectual foundation. Or it could be to develop Si and use the material world to anchor down the Ne. What do you think?
    Reflection is the key. We become unhealthy when our dominant function becomes preponderant. Ne needs to be prevented from gaining further control over the ENFPs modus operandi. A more internally focused way of functioning should be introduced. Te is usually not developed till later. It certainly would help to develop Te, but it is often not feasible. The most sensible move is cultivating Fi and developing more reflective habits.
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  3. #53
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    ^ That's just what I mean though. In my experience, it's hard to develop reflective habits if you don't have logic to guide you. The difficulty lies in not knowing which emotions and hunches to trust.

    For me personally, Fi informs my decisions, but to get to that point, I need Te to guide me. Exhibit A: I've noticed there are a lot of ENFPs on these boards. I don't think that's a coincidence. Me personally, I'm here to learn about MBTI and understand personality types and my internal motivations. If I were able to develop Fi just by reflecting, I wouldn't need to be here.

  4. #54
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Galusha View Post
    "ENFPs can be very pleasant, and you can have fun with them, but they generally give the impression that they're rarely- if ever- truly happy.
    Hmm... I disagree with this. I think ENFPs are consistently ranked/rated/voted as one of the happiest of all types, and one of the highest coping skills.

    "Ranked 1st of all 16 types in using social and emotional coping resources and 2nd in using cognitive resources. With ESTJs, had highest total coping resources of all the types."

    ENFP

    HappiestTypes

    I do agree that there is a difference between happiness and contentment though.

  5. #55
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Unhealthy is different from stressed.

    In a stressed state, I often rely on my Te and Si.

    However, I think unhealthy means a chronic situation of being completely imbalanced and refers to a psychological state of development. In that case I agree with Solitary Walker's assessment.

    An aunt of mine is ENTP, and she is quite unhealthy, I'm sorry to say. Although the preponderance of Ne is expressed differently through auxiliary Ti, I notice a lot of these traits in her as well, since she is an Ne-dom. She is completely divorced from reality (sold all her possessions, gave up a wonderfully established business to sell a book she wants to promote that has not even brought her enough profit to live off of for one year; has basically totally exaggerated and strange ideas that are not even tempered by her Ti function; has broken off contact with me and divorced herself from family and friends). Her Ti basically makes her obsess about her ideas, and so she delves into her imagination to the point where she has hurt herself and others....

    This is different from being stressed. Being stressed is normal; being unhealthy is scary, and I've seen what can happen when an Ne-dom goes 'apeshit.' Not pretty.
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  6. #56
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    ^ Reading that made me sad.

  7. #57
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    When an ENFP is offended it's often by the straw that broke the camel's back. We're not just offended by the one thing, we're offended by a pattern of behaviour. One thing is easy to forgive. The same thing a hundred times is not quite as easy.

    Unfortunately, you won't often hear about the hundred other times until the back has already broken.
    so true... i forgive once, 2x, 3x... but after a while it accumulates and than it's over. i read much between the lines so if i don't like what i see i don't act on it immediately, so i give that person more chances ... to correct it.. but its rarely done.. with wrong people.

    and i also like to procrastinate conflicts in relationship - which is bad because then it all accumulates and that person didn't get a chance to fix his/hers behaviour because i didn't say anything.
    but it's mostly my choice not to say, ex. my not-the-best friend (we hang out a lot, but because of stuff like this i'll mention she isn't my true friend) from college offered me help with some studying... etc... few times.. and everytime when the time for help comes she yust "forget it" and don't mention anything when we are talking on that subyect... and then i also don't mention anything because i don't want to beg for help, i don't appreciate that kind of help especially since she offered herself in the first place. that happened 3-4 times, always the same pattern. or even once she came to help me (after i asked "is your offer still on?") but then she yust watched tv at my house 1 day before my exam and didn't help me at all.
    well, i am kinda silent about all of that because i kinda see her real face aand talking about this will not make difference. it's not about help it's about message behind it...
    i chose not to mention it, but still, we arent as good friends as before she did stuff like this.... so i am conciously chosing to make that relationship this way, less harmonic...... because it all accumulated after so many patterns. i yust saw the real girl i guess.

  8. #58
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
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    Surprisingly I usually handle extreme stress pretty well and it can (On occasion) make me more useful and efficient, however, it does depend on the nature of the stress and who is depending on my at the time. I very rarely talk about what is upsetting me and spend alot of time alone sometimes I can go off the wall a bit and do something really rash but this is usually after the time alone where I have blown the problem way out of proportion. So bascially stress and me are OK and it can help me get this done but in certain circumstances stress is like a the ignition to make me go crazy... never leave me near alcohol, drugs or my passport at such times as these!
    ... couldn't drag me away

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  9. #59
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wild horses View Post
    or my passport at such times as these!

    haha, you know, I actually never leave home without my passport, or my kids ones. I know it's probably not the best of ideas, but I've never lost them, and it matters to me to know that I could up and leave on a whim no matter where I am.
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  10. #60
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    haha, you know, I actually never leave home without my passport, or my kids ones. I know it's probably not the best of ideas, but I've never lost them, and it matters to me to know that I could up and leave on a whim no matter where I am.

    ABSOLUTELY WITH YOU ON THAT ONE! However, if I kept it with me at all times I would surely loose it as I do everything else!! I can't tell you how many times I have had to sit on my doorstep waiting for someone to arrive with a spare key... My neighbours must think I am a tramp! HAHA
    ... couldn't drag me away

    eljko Ranatovic: argus
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    WildHorses: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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