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Thread: INFP females

  1. #21
    Senior Member Rhapsody's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jewelchild View Post
    Bet ya a million bucks there's a lot going on under that surface.
    That's exactly what I was thinking. Although to be fair, the boring exterior many INFPs show the world can be REALLY hard to get underneath. A lot of people never get through my outer layer, and not through lack of trying—on both sides that is. Sometimes I feel like I am trapped in some magical cave and unless the person standing at the entrance knows the secret password (which isn't something I necessarily even know) then some external force prevents me from coming out.

    In response to the OP, I'd say just try asking this INFP lots of questions ... lots and lots of questions. Try to make her feel understood, and whatever you do, don't make her feel judged. Conversely, sharing a lot about yourself, and sharing things that are obviously meaningful to you, could also inspire her to open up and share what's meaningful to her. And feeding her Ne is never a bad idea. INFPs love quirky, off-the-wall ideas.

  2. #22
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    I'm not romantically interested in her at all but I wouldn't mind kissing her. That's about it.

  3. #23
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    BUT I love love love her meek attitude, so hard to find people like that nowadays, especially in America.
    Um, that's a really weird statement. I don't really know what to make of it.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  4. #24
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    ^ what Orangey and The Outsider said.

    You haven't said anything yet that suggests you respect her. Her meekness seems to be novelty, instead. Truth is, she's probably not opening up to you for good reason - we INFPs don't open up to people if we question their motives.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    So when time comes in the future and I meet more of same types. I can have a better general understanding of the person. This will help me in the future to get cooperation from those when I need it.
    I'm 100% okay with this as a principle. I can't condone you doing this with her, though. You'll only end up using her and then hurting her. Please stay away (emotionally, acquaintanceship if fine!), and find an INFP that you can respect and build a genuine, mutual friendship with.

  5. #25
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    I just like to know about people. Understand them. So when time comes in the future and I meet more of same types. I can have a better general understanding of the person. This will help me in the future to get cooperation from those when I need it. May sound a bit selfish but overall I crave TRUE knowledge, to help me with life as I slowly approach my inevitable grave.

    I'm not romantically interested in her at all but I wouldn't mind kissing her. That's about it. In all reality.......she seems a little boring. BUT I love love love her meek attitude, so hard to find people like that nowadays, especially in America.
    Dude, she's not gonna open up....in fact I feel duty bound to tell you, stop using her to statisfy your personal curiosity....I personally can tell when some one is trying to get inside my head for no other reason than intellectual curiosity. I can tell you now, if you think she's meek and boring, she's shut down already.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

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  6. #26
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    I'm going to take a different tone than several of the other responders and say go ahead and talk to this person. Personally, I've had plenty of great "getting to know you" talks with other NF, and in particular with other ENF's. Just be wary of treating this person like some sort of science project, that may or may not get very far.

    Reactions I had: be wary of some very real IE PJ and FiNe FeNi differences. For example, as an EJ one is more likely to think that people should put things out there, E, and be declarative in the process, J. INFP's tend to have all sorts of interesting observations, thoughts, feelings, reactions, etc, but we aren't likely to share them with you unless you specifically ask. Also, be wary of trying to "put this person in a box", I think we INF's tend to really enjoy thwarting people's efforts to see us in only certain ways. For example, if you wanna see me as some boring non-social person I'll either 1) totally exaggerate that perception to make you believe it and hence go away faster, or 2) totally go the other extreme and try and fling all sorts of things in your face that are the opposite of your perception. In addition to the box thing, be wary of being/coming across judgemental, we don't take well to that either. We tend to have very deep, complex, perhaps even convoluted personalities, so when people do surface probing and try to slap a label on us, there is far more going on below that label, perhaps much of which would contradict that label.

    Tolerate and see the value of Fi. Tolerate and see the value of Ne. Both may really push you, especially the Fi. I think that ENFJ's often see themselves as social leaders, which we as INFPs may or may not go along with. Be prepared to drop the reins and just go with things however they may flow. Don't be one iota surprised if after talking to this person you feel a lot less worthy, less impressive, less self-actualized, and not as good/nice of a person as you thought you were. As I've read ENFJ's saying "Fi really puts me in my place." I interpreted their context as saying "I thought I was a pretty good/nice/moral/developed person, and I am, but they are definitely better at it. Fe seems to make people socially adept, Fi, especially well-developed Fi, tends to lead to much more "saint-like" attitudes.


    I've had really good experiences with ENFJ's. Fi and Fe can be extremely complementary. Ne and Ni can both share insights and possibilities. Be respectful, be open, listen, share. If so, you should be fine, and this may be among the most eye-opening conversations of your life. If nothing else, it should be pleasant and enjoyable.

    One last thought: ENFJ's seem to tend to have definitive plans, aims, and goals, and be actively working towards accomplishing those. INFP's are FAR more just in the moment. We tend to go with the flow wherever it may take us, and just use our values to understand what to do in that moment. Be wary of looking down on INFP's for not having strong enough concrete life plans, or for not taking pre-planned actions that might further us towards our ideals/goals.

  7. #27
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Oh, another quick thought: ENFJ's and INFP's are often considered a very good pairing, ESPECIALLY when the ENFJ is a male and the INFP a female. Who knows what you will think about this person in particular, but don't be surprised if you feel super-drawn to them, or if your like" well, this one i particular doesn't especially do much for me, but man I could totally see myself marrying some other INFP someday", or something like that.

    Let us know!

  8. #28
    #005645 phthalocyanine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FireyPheonix View Post
    ..I personally can tell when some one is trying to get inside my head for no other reason than intellectual curiosity. I can tell you now, if you think she's meek and boring, she's shut down already.
    interesting notion. i can't say it's entirely unlikely..although again i think this is all too general to jump to a conclusion.. so long as OP isn't "using her to satisfy personal curiosity" (which she probably would pick up on relatively quickly anyway) there is open potential.



    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    I'm not romantically interested in her at all but I wouldn't mind kissing her. That's about it. In all reality.......she seems a little boring.
    i'd recommend you re-read an INFP description - and ask yourself if this really seems like the kind of person you should have this laissez faire attitude with when it comes to romance (if anyone).

    ..and if she's boring, why'd you make a thread dedicated to figuring more out about her? -i think by 'boring' you must've meant 'hard to get to know'.. (if i were you i would admit i was at a loss rather than placing the blame on her for being reserved).
    i can guarantee INFPs are only really "boring" when they are bored..or don't feel understood.. try to relate to this girl without too many preconceptions of who you think she is or what you think her shortcomings are.

  9. #29
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    infps are really good at discerning when something is just a technique. it feels sleazy. there is nothing wrong with intellectual curiosity and learning about other people as a reason for digging. but doing so without sensitivity and without disclosing feelings, sharing the way in which you relate to each other openly and honestly, they don't really have time for it or interest.

    with infjs or infps or hell probably all nf types, advice like this can't be taken as like bullet points/things to do. they're just like "a closer look," insight to help you realize what is going on underneath the hood and respond accordingly, with more sensitivity and awareness, etc. i've had many a clash with an infp when issues would pop up resulting from such a different inverted perspective. things like communication style, idea over value/thought vs feeling (perceiving vs judging), would show us that we were not operating in the same way. but in finding better ways to communicate, it is easier to like open palm it and show your intentions are actually good and relate self-to-self. that you DO in fact share similar values, and that they are very fucking important to you. and that as a result the encounter is significant and meaningful to you. care is the key.

  10. #30
    Member michL87's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    I'm not romantically interested in her at all but I wouldn't mind kissing her. That's about it. In all reality.......she seems a little boring. BUT I love love love her meek attitude, so hard to find people like that nowadays, especially in America.
    W-o-w ... I think that's the reason she won't open up to you and is "meek." If you're not romantically interested in her, she can probably tell, and I think guys who are just interested in "getting with me" and not me as a person are a waste of my time. I wouldn't bother talking with them.

    Perhaps it isn't that she's meek and won't open up, but that's she's gotten this vibe from you and doesn't feel the need to expend the energy when she could be hanging out with those who are interested in her, opposed to those who simply "wouldn't mind kissing her."
    "Imagination creates beauty, hope, magic, and happiness, which are everything in this world."

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