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  1. #121
    Senior Member velocity's Avatar
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    iwakar. i agree with you.

    my concern was not avatar's requisites for dating or his modus operandi of scouting out potential mates (it's amusing, but he can do whatever he wants, it's his life) but that he went ahead and planned a date with a woman who has already violated one of those requisites. why even dangle the context of romance in front of someone who he's already decided doesn't fit his standards? i understand it's just a first date and no one can predict how mutual emotions and dynamics will play out, but it is his mentality prior to setting up this date that i had an issue with. i, personally, would not want to go on a date with someone who has already mentally checked me off nor would i initiate such an encounter without sorting out my thoughts and emotions. what would be the point? otherwise, i'm glad he had a good time, that's what good conversations + connections are all about.

  2. #122
    Buddhist Misanthrope Samvega's Avatar
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    This thread is a trip. If I'm picking types here's my preference in order:

    INFJ
    INTJ
    INTP
    ENFP
    ENTP
    ENFJ
    ISFP
    ISTJ
    ENTJ
    ISTP
    ESTP
    ESTJ
    INFP
    ESFP
    ESFJ
    ISFJ

    There is no way I would be alright with an age gap like that, type wouldn't trump any major issues that's for sure, e.g. I would date a smoker just cause she was INFJ, I couldn't overlook the smoking issue for any type.

    Sounds to me like you need to lock yourself in a room for 48 hours man. You got yourself stuck in the Ne/Ti loop that's common to us ENTPs.

    I would think most any self aware 55 year old would be a good match as they should come into play less and less with age.

  3. #123
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    I went through this whole thread to see the date update ... spill already!

  4. #124
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Right on! An ideology of giving is accepting limitations and remains one focus.

    Adding to someone else and others. By being a part of something bigger than ourselves, we grow. And this is done by giving. It's wonderful. You get to be a part of something wonderful. It's addictive. The more you give, the better you become. Really. And that's worth living for.

    So when one's emotions hurt and when times turn bad, my suggestion, even though it may seem counterintuitive, is to give to someone.

    Getting stems disappointment. It's what we accept as the least painful.

    It's safer to give too. Emotions are more solid..A stasis if this is one's theme.


    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    Would we be giving Avatar7 so much crap if he required any of the following hypotheticals of his potential mate:

    Fellow circus performer.
    No kids.
    21y.o.+
    Doesn't smoke.
    Loves dogs.
    Hates cats.
    Rarely drinks.
    Christian Lutheran.
    BDSM-practitioner.
    Slovakian.
    No serious mental illnesses such as Schizophrenia or MPD.
    ...etc.

    Anyone could easily argue for or against any of those points and the inherent dangers of excluding potential partners based on <blank>... blahblahblah.

    I may not agree with his parameters, but I certainly have my own parameters. And I think I know myself well enough to know what I want/need far better than perfect strangers. And even if my parameters were strange, unrealistic, or potentially unhealthy --isn't it my right to plot my own course in life, however FUBARed anyone else might think it is? Despite his idiosyncrasies, he was brave enough to put himself out there; he's listened to our less-than-politic 'two cents' (which is always a hazard of posting your bizniz up in hurr), and rolled on like a champ. I don't think I'd have taken a lot of this commentary with nearly the same stride.

    Like some others here, I'm concerned that Avatar7's not being prudent enough because that is my nature and perspective on the matter, but it doesn't really matter what I think. He's been pretty plain about what he wants and he's his own person to do as he sees fit. Personally, I have little desire to huff 'n' puff and convince him of what I perceive as his sins of omission in the dating department, especially given his determination.

    Avatar7, I see you've given a lot of thought as to what you want, but I hope you've given even more thought on why you want it. If you're still heart-solid after sincere reflection and you think your reasons for your parameters are healthy and realistic, then may the force be with you my friend.

    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  5. #125

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    What're you responding to? And how'd that date go?
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  6. #126
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by velocity View Post
    iwakar. i agree with you.

    my concern was not avatar's requisites for dating or his modus operandi of scouting out potential mates (it's amusing, but he can do whatever he wants, it's his life) but that he went ahead and planned a date with a woman who has already violated one of those requisites. why even dangle the context of romance in front of someone who he's already decided doesn't fit his standards? i understand it's just a first date and no one can predict how mutual emotions and dynamics will play out, but it is his mentality prior to setting up this date that i had an issue with. i, personally, would not want to go on a date with someone who has already mentally checked me off nor would i initiate such an encounter without sorting out my thoughts and emotions. what would be the point? otherwise, i'm glad he had a good time, that's what good conversations + connections are all about.
    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    By the way, Avatar7, I was wrong to pick on you. But, I do think you need to slow down and think a little more, my friend. Sounds like you are bouncing from thing to thing. Easy does it.
    Synarch is right. And to think more is also correct.

    Velocity gets a point for building trust.

    If someone has a burning in their heart to give, they should. Expression is good. We learn from it. A very good friend of mine (INFJ actually) taught me that.

    Emotions and will to give can be so powerful...So the question becomes What is one's lesson and one's role with all of this internal desire going on?

    Thanks.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  7. #127

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    You still forgot to share about the date! --or did you?
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  8. #128
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    You still forgot to share about the date! --or did you?
    Meeting for coffee...it was amazing. Conversation was almost effortless. She really started to open up and was giggling and making fun of me after a couple hours.

    I can see how ENTPs, with developed Fe, can be attuned, in care, and with finger on the pulse of sensitivities to INFJs...carefully, intuitively knowing how to communicate.

    So there's so many things that INFJs must worry about. So it's ideal to see these potential sensitivities...and calmly be patient and reassure the other that time is no issue, but not saying this, showing this...and relate as best as one can to empathize with what situation is being expressed. Then add thoughts to carve away the underlying themes and details, which in turn provides a solid-backing, a sort of foundation for understanding that I think, and that's a big I think, can provide a level of comfort in communication to an INFJ. Then maybe one doesn't feel so odd.

    If an INFJ expressed to you that something truly bothers them, let's say it is rats...and you feel to show you understand...a suggestion would be: Without mentioning rats, wait a little while until you see a different type of animal together..let's say it's a bird...Then say look at the pretty bird! If she replies in kind, say..."And this one has just two feet, so I think it's going to be alright.." That way it doesn't follow the direct line of thought bringing back the bad memory of the rat...And you have shown her that you empathize with her and care...by doing it in a round-about way.

    Also important to dig into issues which an INFJ can dig into and engage...this is where superficiality has got to go. Fo Sho.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  9. #129
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Cute!
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  10. #130
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    this thread got all crazy but seriously, after learning mb, who didn't want to explore type relations and keep that in the backburner as a conceptual guideline/theoretical explanation for what was happening? Ti plus iNtuition, this is what we do? plus coffee is not a wedding ring, he doesn't know what is going to happen any more than the next guy, he wants to test the waters and learn a bit.

    but yeah, 37 guy + 55 girl seems extremely unlikely, this IS america after all.

    with that said, the infj-entp idolizing does feel a bit over the top. tho the best creative connection i've ever had has been with entps, relationship-wise it has its own plusses and minuses just like everything else. in many ways there are reasons to prefer enfp, intj, and sometimes even infp or intp. if i were to start a band, on the other hand, or a business, my partner would be entp.

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