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  1. #11
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    Oooooh. Me too...
    flirt!
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    ~Torah observant, Christ inspired~
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

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  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by LavaLucy View Post
    Definitly can relate. Like invader zim asked, do you think you're the cause of someone else's negative emotion or do you feel overly responsible like you failed in some way?
    I find I have unrealistic expectations of my loved ones sometimes too, I think but I would do such and such for them!! why can't they do it for me and unfortunatly it doesn't work that way.
    I feel responsible for the reason why they are pissed, angry, sad (based on my feelings of course). I try to think about things I did that may have provoked them. Sometimes it has to do with feelings of failure like if I failed to live up to someone else's expections of me. Perhaps an old instructor or parent who thought highly of you and you end not being as successful others have thought you would be. But then that is something any type experiences not just INFJs, though I think it affects us more.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LavaLucy View Post
    I find I have unrealistic expectations of my loved ones sometimes too, I think but I would do such and such for them!! why can't they do it for me and unfortunatly it doesn't work that way.

    And me too!

    Though sometimes people are just selfish idiots with no common decency and those ones are best kept at a distance.

  4. #14
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    Instead of being nervous for myself alone, I felt everyone else's nerves on top of my own creating a very overbearing feeling.
    I agreed with everything you were saying here. But this ^ quote in particular I definitely experience. I remember once I had this class where we had to get up and say a soliloquy from Shakespeare, and when everyone got up and inevitably struggled, I felt all of their nerves and embarrassment. It would make me start giggling nervously because that's how nerves are transferred sometimes I guess, lol. But everytime someone would get up, I would be thinking "please don't screw up, I can't bear to feel their nerves anymore". So yeah, I definitely understand where you're coming from.

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    I find I have unrealistic expectations of my loved ones sometimes too, I think but I would do such and such for them!! why can't they do it for me and unfortunatly it doesn't work that way.
    This is the story of all my friendships and relationships. I would never treat them this way, I always think. And, I don't feel I'm asking too much, how can it be asking too much if I'd do it for them?

    I guess the only way to make friendships/relationships truly work is to find other NFs that understand that.

  5. #15
    Senior Member MrME's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by firstjudge View Post
    Hello all! I'm new here.

    I'm an INFJ and just wanted to start a discussion about something that affects me on a daily basis- my empathic abilities. I know INFJs tend to be particularly strong in their ability to pick up other people's emotions and feelings. For me, I find this ability to be a huge burden at times. For instance, today I got a haircut and I *felt* the hairstylist had some negative feelings directed towards me and I cant stop thinking about it as ridiculous as it sounds.
    You're giving your empathic abilities too much credit. While you might believe you're correctly feeling somebody else's emotions, you don't KNOW for sure. The only way to be sure is ask. Don't assume, because you'll just obsess over it. If you need to assume, assume you're misreading the situation.
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  6. #16
    Senior Member amelie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrME View Post
    You're giving your empathic abilities too much credit. While you might believe you're correctly feeling somebody else's emotions, you don't KNOW for sure. The only way to be sure is ask. Don't assume, because you'll just obsess over it. If you need to assume, assume you're misreading the situation.
    You have a valid point. I'm a therapist, and SO many times I say something like "I can imagine that you might feel xxxx" and the client will say - yes, that's exactly it! How did you know? Then I go home to my INTJ husband and ask why he's angry and he's all - "why are you assuming I'm angry! I hate that!!" With most people, it's fairly obvious, but some fly under the radar so to speak.

  7. #17
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    Yeah, having too much empathy sometimes distracts ourselves.

    I usually dealt with it with being a bitch / playfully observing ("Oooh, you're angry. Adorable."), recognizing that it might NOT be my mistake, and deciding what to do from there, and then simply feign ignorance / indifference ("they're mad, oh well, not my business / and is it important?")

    of course, the risk of slipped into outright bitchiness or not realizing one's mistakes still lingers..

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