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  1. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    waaaaaaaaaah.
    Interests:
    God, exercising, love, finding my wife, being happy, smelling good, caring for others.


    Your profile may be in need of a little editing, friend.
    Naked on a mountaintop. Brb.

  2. #12

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    Quote Originally Posted by Scarfism View Post
    If she is still helping you when you need it, I honestly don't think it would be because she feels obligated. I personally would never do anything I didn't want to.
    That's.. very reassuring to know. I tend to wrongly assume that everyone will react to things (injustices, particularly bad arguments, etc.) the same way I do. It's a feeling of "but why would she forgive me for this?"
    Naked on a mountaintop. Brb.

  3. #13

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    It's hard to give as thorough a response to such a thorough exposition without knowing much of the INFJs thoughts on the matter.

    If you're really worried about this, your sincere concern is the best thing you've got going for you. You should just share your concerns with her, as well as your efforts and intentions.

    +As for Jonathan, I 'spose that's his version of the adult approach.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  4. #14
    Senior Member Jonathanthegreat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    It's hard to give as thorough a response to such a thorough exposition without knowing much of the INFJs thoughts on the matter.

    If you're really worried about this, your sincere concern is the best thing you've got going for you. You should just share your concerns with her, as well as your efforts and intentions.

    +As for Jonathan, I 'spose that's his version of the adult approach.
    LOL

    you guys do your homework. Ok I'll be nice. I think that you have taken her judgements WAYYYY to critically. Sit back, void yourself of emotion, and look at the entire picture between you two. It's really not as bad as your perceiving it to be.

    No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.- Eleanor Roosevelt.

    Think about it. Love you

  5. #15
    Phantonym
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    Quote Originally Posted by cattywample View Post
    For months I've been feeling a distance between us that wasn't there before. I don't know if I can trust my own judgment on that, however, because I don't understand her very well. She's an extremely private person.
    Have you tried talking to her about it? Do you know that she is distant (you have some proof) or do you only think that she is?

    Feeling that she is distant can be misleading. You cannot read her mind and she cannot read yours. Miscommunication occurs. Maybe you should tell her all the things you mentioned in your original post. You could only be imagining all this.

    By telling her that you have these concerns might clear the air. Thinking about it will only make it worse for you if you really want to know what's wrong between you and her. Maybe there's nothing wrong and you're just blowing this way out of proportion.

    Hope it all works out

  6. #16
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cattywample View Post
    Unfortunately, this means that I have the harmful tendency to voice my thoughts on conflicts in an aggressive way. This aggression, felt by me to be passion, often reads to people (as I have been told) as hateful. Even when I endeavor to be as civil as I can my voice reads rigid and unapproachable. As you might imagine, this tendency led to me unintentionally stirring up many conflicts in the community with a variety of different people.
    you'll fit in nicely here then.


    and


    not all infj will internalize your problems. maybe she has a boundary issue. should she even be taking your heated discussions personally?
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
    4w5 5w4 1w9
    ~Torah observant, Christ inspired~
    Life Path 11

    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  7. #17
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cattywample View Post
    I admire this INFJ. I want to be her friend and I want to support her. I want to make her life easier by not being a major source of pain. I also want to repair our relationship so that we can be friends and trusted confidants again; so that she won't have to be afraid that I'm going to blow up at any moment and tear her apart.

    How can I do this? I've been working on controlling my aggressiveness and the way that I phrase my arguments. So far I have seen results from this process, but they are very slow to come. In the meantime, how can I show her that I appreciate her and care about her as much as I do? How can I make up for the pain Iíve caused her? Can I make up for it?
    Ask her.

    No, seriously, ask her. If there ever was anyone who could describe the direction you're asking after, it'd be an INFJ, and she's an INFJ. And she's the one you want to work with. So ask her.


    Or come out to everyone as ESTP/ENTJ.

  8. #18
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cattywample View Post
    That's.. very reassuring to know. I tend to wrongly assume that everyone will react to things (injustices, particularly bad arguments, etc.) the same way I do. It's a feeling of "but why would she forgive me for this?"
    I will say that she probably does feel concerned about you, but I think she actually has forgiven you.

    I'm generally willing to forgive people for things, repeatedly, that some other people couldn't put up with, like what you described. My personal line is a lot further back than you'd think it is. If anything, I would feel good about having an opportunity to help you out with a problem, and possibly better yourself. Also, I know that I'll lose it and screw up somehow eventually myself (even though I usually don't), and I want to be forgiven in return when that happens.

    The distance could be due to energy drain in other places. I become distant from people when I'm tired, busy, or depressed. Also, she might have sensed your concerns about this, and perhaps has misinterpreted it as you feeling like she's "butting in" too much. INFJs easily feel unwelcome.

    Does that make sense?

  9. #19
    violaine
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    I can only present my own POV in trying to address your questions - if I were moderating I would tire of having to address a recurring problem if we had talked in depth about it a few times. I would keep trying out of a sense of responsibility but I wouldn't feel invested in someone at that point. I would be somewhat distant. As I am quite accustomed to the feeling of sudden disconnect, it's not really hard to overcome. All it takes for me to be initially accessible again is the for the other person to say, "I'm trying" or the like.

    If you haven't already done so, it would be helpful if you told her that you aren't angry when you are being aggressive. Help her understand your style of communication/debating.

  10. #20
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cattywample View Post
    I appreciate the fact that your repulsion is so strong that you felt the need to respond, sir, but if you're going to mock me at least put some effort into it. Strongly worded criticism I can use, infantile behavior I cannot.
    Is this the sort of posts you make in the LJ community that gets you into trouble?

    It's perfectly acceptable here in MBTIc. It probably occurs quite frequently in INTPc. Essentially I don't think there's anything "wrong" that you MUST change. It's probably the atmosphere of that particular LJ community that makes it awkward.

    In my opinion the INFJ moderator is merely doing her job. Unless she pulls you aside and say "you know, I'm getting tired of this. You really need to change your behaviour" I wouldn't worry overly much about it. Directly asking her as suggested would work too.
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

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