I am in a bad funk now.
The general problem is that I am quite insecure when it comes to close relationships. When I become romantically attached to someone (whether or not we are dating) I get really jealous of the time they spend with others/fear they will leave me. It's always been a problem and I have ruined several relationships/friendships because of it. I guess it might stem from my experience during my parents' divorce....but I really want to stop it!
The specific situation that I want to "fix" involves an ENFJ (but could be anyone really). He and I have been close friends but have not dated. He said he does not have romantic feelings for me (acts like he does sort of, but says he does not). Anyway, he really tries hard to make our friendship work, he never gets angry at me when I bring up my insecure nonsense, and seems to have endless patience and kindness for me (so I have a soft spot for ENFJs). The huge problem is I constantly get jealous when I even see him with another girl (we are in same small grad program and live across the hall from each other). I feel like I can't control my jealousy! I sort of "blew up" last night when he told me he needed to study and couldn't hang out but then I saw him hanging out with someone else (another female). It's none of my business! But I got upset and sent a sarcastic text (oh, the INFP sarcasm!)
Believe me, I know how shameful my behavior is and I am ashamed of myself . I know jealous feelings are natural but my values (which I seem not to be able to live by) tell me that if you are jealous of someone it is not their problem. You can either separate yourself from them, or choose to deal with it, but it is wrong to take it out on them. However in practice it is so difficult for me to do this.
We are leaving this program in 2 weeks and will be separated then. My issue is, this has been a very special friendship. If it has to end, it has to end (and I would blame myself) but I also want to make amends with the ENFJ. Believe me, he is not trying to make me jealous or something like that. He is just living his life and hanging out with people. If I am strong enough I'd like to remain friends with him.
INFPs (or anyone else): do you deal with this jealousy/insecurity thing? any advice?
ENFJs: what would you think of this type of person, and how could she make amends with you?
any response from anyone would be appreciated. (but be kind of gentle if you can....I sort of hate myself at the moment.)