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  1. #1

    Default INFJ/P: Highest in marital dissatisfaction...

    According to a certain typology webpage, the INFJ is the highest of all types in marital dissatisfaction, and the INFP is the second highest of all types

    Here's the link. PersonalityDesk - Learning Center - INFP in Careers, Relationships, Leadership, Parenting

    Now, this makes sense because both types tend to be quite idealistic, and presumably their high standards can be difficult to reconcile with reality. I know that's true in my case. So, any thoughts/experience on the matter? It would be great to know other INFP/INFJ opinions
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    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    I didn't see that anywhere there.
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    Read closer. For INFPs: "Second highest of all types to report marital dissatisfaction." For INFJs: "Highest of all types in marital dissatisfaction."
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    Damn. I wonder why that is. Self sacrificing behaviors?
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    Makes sense to me, and I can vouch for it from personal experience and observation. I naturally have unrealistic expectations that need to be brought down to earth a little bit.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jewelchild View Post
    Makes sense to me, and I can vouch for it from personal experience and observation. I naturally have unrealistic expectations that need to be brought down to earth a little bit.
    Same here. I've heard from my coworkers that I have really high expectations. And it's true. I expect perfection and strive for it. Oh wellz. I'm doomed for life.

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    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by little.bad.apple View Post
    According to a certain typology webpage, the INFJ is the highest of all types in marital dissatisfaction, and the INFP is the second highest of all types

    Here's the link. PersonalityDesk - Learning Center - INFP in Careers, Relationships, Leadership, Parenting

    Now, this makes sense because both types tend to be quite idealistic, and presumably their high standards can be difficult to reconcile with reality. I know that's true in my case. So, any thoughts/experience on the matter? It would be great to know other INFP/INFJ opinions
    I read this in a professional study also. My wife of 15 years is INFJ. The elements of that type that have contributed to her being dissatisfied at times are:

    (1) Introverts reach out for support less than extroverts, and thus can feel alone and isolated under stress.

    (2) The NF idyllic is always searching for the perfect _____ and at times forgets that things in the here and now can be pretty damn good, and not in need of a little tweaking all things conisdered.

    (3) INFJ does not like to make decisions on the fly (like ESTP!) and when communication between INFJ and E _ TP, ISTP, etc. ensues, sometimes INFJ will get overwhelmed with the details that go beyond their initial intent of the conversation, and the conversation will end. If this happens for too long, the INFJ will not "feel heard" and thus will become hurt and withdraw.

    (4) The worst thing a _ _TP can do for an INFJ that is talking to them about a problem they having is SOLVE THE PROBLEM and walk away. It is best to listen.

    (5) INFJs want to connect on a deeper level with their E _ _ _ mates at times, but don't define that for thier SO, making it hard for them to satisfy that need. Hiding the ball if you will.

    These issues lead to a breakdown in communication, which is the kiss of death for any realtionship if it goes on for too long.

    There are ways around them though. Isolate these 1 by 1 and keep at it. When you do, the INFJ is happy and a real joy to be with.

    Likes JocktheMotie liked this post

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    ^ That post was extraordinary.

    I am not INFJ, but I can relate to/agree with everything you said.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    I read this in a professional study also. My wife of 15 years is INFJ. The elements of that type that have contributed to her being dissatisfied at times are:

    (1) Introverts reach out for support less than extroverts, and thus can feel alone and isolated under stress.

    (2) The NF idyllic is always searching for the perfect _____ and at times forgets that things in the here and now can be pretty damn good, and not in need of a little tweaking all things conisdered.

    (3) INFJ does not like to make decisions on the fly (like ESTP!) and when communication between INFJ and E _ TP, ISTP, etc. ensues, sometimes INFJ will get overwhelmed with the details that go beyond their initial intent of the conversation, and the conversation will end. If this happens for too long, the INFJ will not "feel heard" and thus will become hurt and withdraw.

    (4) The worst thing a _ _TP can do for an INFJ that is talking to them about a problem they having is SOLVE THE PROBLEM and walk away. It is best to listen.

    (5) INFJs want to connect on a deeper level with their E _ _ _ mates at times, but don't define that for thier SO, making it hard for them to satisfy that need. Hiding the ball if you will.

    These issues lead to a breakdown in communication, which is the kiss of death for any realtionship if it goes on for too long.

    There are ways around them though. Isolate these 1 by 1 and keep at it. When you do, the INFJ is happy and a real joy to be with.

    yes, i agree with jewelchild, you obviously have a good, working knowledge of what it is to relate with an infj. really the only two that are applicable for me are the highlighted portions: #2 for me, and making my hubby understand that for me, i just need to vent and/or philosophize about something long enough so that i can solve (or not solve) the problem myself. it is hard for him to remember i'm not asking or needing him to solve my problem, just because i need him to listen to my problem.

    of course i wonder about #2 as relationship length increases. since i'm an idealist, and, particularly a relationship idealist, i wonder about infj having different requirements in their primary (and other) relationships, because as our personalities ebb and flow with change, as mine does, isn't it also natural that we desire a partner (perhaps new?) who can be a good complement for those new changes?

    but perhaps, and i'm thinking this is so, the above thought is more a reflection of any relationship beyond, say, 20 years in duration. people can really change a lot in 20 years, regardless of personality type.?

    EDIT: i must say though, that i think it might be a testament to my husband's iXtj manner that i have remained so completely happy overall in our relationship for all these years (almost 21). he can be spontaneous or planning, is very dependable, and worships the ground i walk on (haha!). he's also open to adventure. he can go deep in conversation occasionally, and lets me bounce ideas and things off him, listening for a while--i dunno about 30 mins is his max--and he's super smart with razor sharp thinking, and an excellent (if unnerving) Se and Ne. i'm currently coming-out-of-i-hope a sort-of midlife crisis thingy and i think we have what it takes to go the duration, if i can learn to accept less than my vision of Utopia.
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    The thread supposition is not surprising, I'd see INFx's as having issues due to idealism. (in comparison, INTP is pretty flexible -- the relationship has to be sensible/rational, usually INTPs just get uptight if the other person continues to do things that undermine the relationship long-term or waste lots of energy / make things stressful continually).

    That matches up with the INFJs I have known, most have been fairly tightly wound out of all the NF sorts.

    Nice post, Halla.
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