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  1. #51
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rhapsody View Post
    Although I think a lot of people have made good points about the possible validity of the study, I personally would not be surprised if it were true. I can barely find anyone I'm attracted to enough to date casually, so I often find myself wondering how I'm going to deal with a LTR when I can't even make it out of the gate. I don't even know if I am capable of true, two-way love ... the only people I seem to "love" are people who are unattainable in some way (and that's probably because they're easier to idealize).

    I know it's a problem. I want to work to change it, but whenever I've tried to give someone a chance, it's always ended badly (i.e. with me leaving the relationship and them getting hurt). It's a catch-22, and for now I'm staying out of the relationship game entirely lest I leave more carnage in my wake.

    Yes, I would love it if I were won over easily. On the other hand, I'm well aware that there are happily married INFPs out there, so obviously there's hope.
    Okay, yeah, I admit this is me also. I am never attracted to anyone enough to have a serious relationship. I end up cutting out early because they express deeper feelings than me and I'm feeling almost nothing at all. Of course, those I latch onto and imagine I could feel deeply for are "unavailable" to me in some way. Key word being "imagine", because it is just fantasy.

    However, I feel a lot for close friends & family, so I think it is possible. Even though I idealize people and then find their faults easily, I also forgive faults easily because I can find excuses easily for them.

    It's just finding those few compatible people out there as I don't click easily with just anyone. I feel if/when I do find someone, I'd be capable of a very deep & committed love, and that almost frightens me too.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #52
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Next, of interest to me is the word "report" - reminds me of medical studies where women are most likely to report problem X or symptom Y compared to men. Could this not be the very same effect - that INFP's and INFJ's are most likely to admit to experiencing certain issues; indeed, their emotional sensitivity is geared to knowing issues exist where other types may be more likely to skip over them or not even notice any problem?
    I agree with this. I think INFs are naturally very relationship-focused and the closer you look, the more flaws you will find. Idealization is more of an issue in the beginning of relationships for me, not so much after they have become long-term.

  3. #53
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    I agree with this. I think INFs are naturally very relationship-focused and the closer you look, the more flaws you will find. Idealization is more of an issue in the beginning of relationships for me, not so much after they have become long-term.
    I think this is why they need to find someone who is equally relationship focused.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  4. #54
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I think this is why they need to find someone who is equally relationship focused.
    Agreed. INFs should just be with each other

    Kidding.

  5. #55
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Agreed. INFs should just be with each other

    Kidding.
    I'm pretty hands on. Constantly taking the temperature of things. Need a lot of communication.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  6. #56
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I understand and do the same thing. But the question is why talk about it? I never discuss problems if I know I don't want to hear anyone run their mouth off with their opinions...
    Fe dom people, at least in my experience, need to talk out their feelings and thoughts to make decisions, they need a sounding board. If they ask for it, then I am willing to be a sounding board, ask leading questions or give comiseration, etc..not with the intent to solve their problem but to help them get more in touch with what they feel/think/want in that moment. My husband INFJ and he really needs to talk deeply with me about his feelings/thoughts on daily basis.

    Fi's, again at least in my experience, will talk more about what they feel/think after they have processed it and they are seeking to know how much in harmony they are with their thoughts/feelings with those who matter to them and also just for sheer self expression to a few souls about what they think/feel.

    Neither necessarily wants advice or someone to solve their problem when doing so. Unless they ask.

  7. #57
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I'm pretty hands on. Constantly taking the temperature of things. Need a lot of communication.
    You're an ENTP with gooey NF insides. Or is that all ENTPs?

  8. #58
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    You're an ENTP with gooey NF insides. Or is that all ENTPs?
    Truth be known. When I was in college I tested as ENFP.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  9. #59
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Fe dom people, at least in my experience, need to talk out their feelings and thoughts to make decisions, they need a sounding board. If they ask for it, then I am willing to be a sounding board, ask leading questions or give comiseration, etc..not with the intent to solve their problem but to help them get more in touch with what they feel/think/want in that moment. My husband INFJ and he really needs to talk deeply with me about his feelings/thoughts on daily basis.

    Fi's, again at least in my experience, will talk more about what they feel/think after they have processed it and they are seeking to know how much in harmony they are with their thoughts/feelings with those who matter to them and also just for sheer self expression to a few souls about what they think/feel.

    Neither necessarily wants advice or someone to solve their problem when doing so. Unless they ask.
    That's probably why INFJs seem to be more flexible with their feelings (In my experience). They aren't as attuned in them as an INFP might be, since Fi is obviously more self based, they don't need to externalize the feeling to 'hear what it sounds like' or have someone reword it to make it make new sense (Which is what happens to me).

    Also, I think it's what can make INFPs more stubborn. They've already worked out their feelings, why should the other person assume that since the feelings are being disclosed, that they should be discussed?

    As a young person new to relationships and the like, I struggle with subjectivity when thinking about the other person. I can't quantitatively think about the traits of the person excluding bias without effort and a good thinking environment. The roller-coaster is fun only because it feeds my INFJ need to evolve in some way, it keeps the waters stirred and not stagnant, so to speak.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  10. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skyward View Post
    Also, I think it's what can make INFPs more stubborn. They've already worked out their feelings, why should the other person assume that since the feelings are being disclosed, that they should be discussed?

    I think most INFP want harmony with the people closest to them. They will listen and flex if they are convinced it is right to do so. But a personal appeal always works best. Any kind of attempt to shame using social norms or "shoulds" or "everyone else thinks/feels this way, you should too" will bring the stubborness out and then place the INFP in a inner turmoil between feeling they cannot compromise themselves and feeling very bad about it.

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