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  1. #41
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Here's something I haven't seen anyone consider. Maybe INFJ/INFP are also more likely to be at an extremes of happiness or unhappiness?
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  2. #42
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by karenk View Post
    Yikes! Yea, I could see how this wouldn't work from my pov. I would only do this under extreme duress.......say a gun pointed to my head. ha.

    I see what people see as the traditional point of marriage, but I really don't see the point of this official contract binding everyone until death. The real thing would happen naturally and just continue on its own. Also, if there comes a time for it to end I think it should end. Marriage sets people up to stay together for the wrong reasons.
    Only if you go into it for the wrong reasons.
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  3. #43
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Here's something I haven't seen anyone consider. Maybe INFJ/INFP are also more likely to be at an extremes of happiness or unhappiness?
    Yes that's possible and it's called neuroticism and at worst it's bipolar disorder. Are there benefits in existing at emotional extremes?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
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  4. #44
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Yes that's possible and it's called neuroticism and at worst it's bipolar disorder. Are there benefits in existing at emotional extremes?
    But I love the rollercoaster ride!

    There's nothing better than the adrenaline and endorphine rushes everytime you hit those bumps and troughs!

    :steam: :SaiyanSmilie_anim:
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  5. #45
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    From the provided link:

    INFJ: "Highest of all types in marital dissatisfaction"
    INFP: "Second highest of all types to report marital dissatisfaction"

    First these are quite vague statements and it would be interesting to see the evidence backing this.

    Next, of interest to me is the word "report" - reminds me of medical studies where women are most likely to report problem X or symptom Y compared to men. Could this not be the very same effect - that INFP's and INFJ's are most likely to admit to experiencing certain issues; indeed, their emotional sensitivity is geared to knowing issues exist where other types may be more likely to skip over them or not even notice any problem?

    Me personally, I am married to an ESTJ (20 years +) and am very happy with my choice. It really is annoying to read posts that boldly assert they could never have a relationship with an ESTJ - I say try it out it for yourself before you say that, it may be a lot better for you than you realize.

    I think the key to every relationship is open communication rather than some chemical formula according to MBTI. When people use MBTI this way is reminds me of match-making by horoscope.

  6. #46
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    From the provided link:

    INFJ: "Highest of all types in marital dissatisfaction"
    INFP: "Second highest of all types to report marital dissatisfaction"

    First these are quite vague statements and it would be interesting to see the evidence backing this.
    Pretty much what I thought. "Says who? This website?"

    Otherwise, your post has wise words that hopefully other people can take to heart.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  7. #47
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    ^^Well, they do cite their sources, so you can check and see if it's just them asserting a random number, or if it actually came from a study. Whether the study (if it exists) was interpreted correctly or was conducted with proper scientific rigor is another matter as well.

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  8. #48
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by little.bad.apple View Post
    According to a certain typology webpage, the INFJ is the highest of all types in marital dissatisfaction, and the INFP is the second highest of all types

    Here's the link. PersonalityDesk - Learning Center - INFP in Careers, Relationships, Leadership, Parenting

    Now, this makes sense because both types tend to be quite idealistic, and presumably their high standards can be difficult to reconcile with reality. I know that's true in my case. So, any thoughts/experience on the matter? It would be great to know other INFP/INFJ opinions
    Great. That just makes my day :sad:

    Its to be expected I guess but honestly I can't help my high standards. I don't relate to people in general as well as others, so the pool of people I feel attracted to is going to be significantly smaller than that of others. On top of that my mind seems to be remarkably well tuned to finding faults in people I do like. And its not like I don't try to be positive and upbeat, and force myself to make an effort. In fact I put more effort in than almost everyone else I meet.

    Personally, I would love nothing more than to be easily pleased and won over. Life would be a lot easier.

  9. #49
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    From the provided link:

    INFJ: "Highest of all types in marital dissatisfaction"
    INFP: "Second highest of all types to report marital dissatisfaction"

    First these are quite vague statements and it would be interesting to see the evidence backing this.

    Next, of interest to me is the word "report" - reminds me of medical studies where women are most likely to report problem X or symptom Y compared to men. Could this not be the very same effect - that INFP's and INFJ's are most likely to admit to experiencing certain issues; indeed, their emotional sensitivity is geared to knowing issues exist where other types may be more likely to skip over them or not even notice any problem?

    Me personally, I am married to an ESTJ (20 years +) and am very happy with my choice. It really is annoying to read posts that boldly assert they could never have a relationship with an ESTJ - I say try it out it for yourself before you say that, it may be a lot better for you than you realize.

    I think the key to every relationship is open communication rather than some chemical formula according to MBTI. When people use MBTI this way is reminds me of match-making by horoscope.
    I agree! I am always wary of these kinds of studies....
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  10. #50
    Senior Member Rhapsody's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    I don't relate to people in general as well as others, so the pool of people I feel attracted to is going to be significantly smaller than that of others. On top of that my mind seems to be remarkably well tuned to finding faults in people I do like. And its not like I don't try to be positive and upbeat, and force myself to make an effort. In fact I put more effort in than almost everyone else I meet.

    Personally, I would love nothing more than to be easily pleased and won over. Life would be a lot easier.
    +1

    Although I think a lot of people have made good points about the possible validity of the study, I personally would not be surprised if it were true. I can barely find anyone I'm attracted to enough to date casually, so I often find myself wondering how I'm going to deal with a LTR when I can't even make it out of the gate. I don't even know if I am capable of true, two-way love ... the only people I seem to "love" are people who are unattainable in some way (and that's probably because they're easier to idealize).

    I know it's a problem. I want to work to change it, but whenever I've tried to give someone a chance, it's always ended badly (i.e. with me leaving the relationship and them getting hurt). It's a catch-22, and for now I'm staying out of the relationship game entirely lest I leave more carnage in my wake.

    Yes, I would love it if I were won over easily. On the other hand, I'm well aware that there are happily married INFPs out there, so obviously there's hope.

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