[MBTI General] How Does One Deal With Heartbreak and Is Psychological Pain Necessarily Part Of It?

[Phantonym]

Follow me and take arms against a sea of troubles.

 

[Intricate Mystic]

I imagine you must all be rather unsettled by the INFJ adulation 'round these parts? It is a bit like a brush fire started with hopes of flushing out the prey that ends up burning down the forest. 'Twould make me a bit nervous myself.

Nah. Bring it on.

 

[Synarch]

Yeah. Actually the more I thought about it - I didn't like it.
I'm more worried about why she's apparently decided to stay with the guy.

Did you read the part where all of this interpretation of what she wants happened in Avatar7's mind?

 

[Qre:us]

Couldn't have said it better. I sometimes think ENTPs treat INFJs as a challenge. This is unsettling.

True.... to an extent. INFJs are a challenge that any true appreciative-ENTP will know, there will never be an end. A conquer. Hence, the process of the challenge, for me, with regards to my INFJ bf/ASSHAT (at the current moment) is the main aim. Not the conquering. Never conquer. That's like discovering the first fire, and protecting it from wind and rain, only to then, spit and douse it out at the end. Sacrilegious!!

 

[Synarch]

The robe and special Kool-aid is in the mail.

 

[Wyst]

Did you read the part where all of this interpretation of what she wants happened in Avatar7's mind?

*shrug*

I call it how it is.
She's still with the 7yr-loser. She's making a conscious, daily decision by staying with him.

 

[Synarch]

*shrug*

I call it how it is.
She's still with the 7yr-loser. She's making a conscious, daily decision by staying with him.

Agreed. That is the point.

True.... to an extent. INFJs are a challenge that any true appreciative-ENTP will know, there will never be an end. A conquer. Hence, the process of the challenge, for me, with regards to my INFJ bf/ASSHAT (at the current moment) is the main aim. Not the conquering. Never conquer. That's like discovering the first fire, and protecting it from wind and rain, only to then, spit and douse it out at the end. Sacrilegious!!

This is beautiful.

Nah. Bring it on.

Oh, lord. You deserve a crazy ENTP.

 

[jenocyde]

I don't know if she knows she's an INFJ or has even studied Typology. She may not realize what's inherently wrong. Or be looking in that direction..

How would you...or what would you say to react to this?

Thanks

Ok. since you asked.

No one need study Typology to realize that something is wrong. She has been with this guy for 7 years. 7 years. She has no intention of leaving him. If she wanted to, she would. But she doesn't, so she won't. She probably loves him and he loves her and they have amazing sex and talk about the future and she probably giggles about you in bed with him - they are buying a home in preparation for the next phase of their life together as a committed couple. After 7 years, this is the big commitment - it's bigger than a wedding in Vegas. The only thing bigger is children... and that's coming next, that's what the house is for. But she's bored and needs attention. It's been 7 years. So this is where you enter the picture...

INFJ or not, she's still a woman. ANd being an INFJ does not make you a cherub or a pixie. She's a real person with real flaws. Her biggest flaw is her self esteem. It's non-existent, if what you are saying is the truth.

And how the hell do you even know she's an INFJ to begin with? If she doesn't even know herself and all these emotions that you think she's hiding from herself, what makes you the expert on this woman? Get a hold of yourself, you're starting to scare me.

Move on. Seriously, move on.

If she doesn't love this guy and has all these pent up emotions for you, this is even more of a reason for you to walk away. So what, she'll get with you and then you'll be the chump saving up for a down payment while she's flirting with other dudes and making them feel loved?

The kindest thing I can tell you is to wake the fuck up and move on. Done.

 

[iwakar]

Couldn't have said it better. I sometimes think ENTPs treat INFJs as a challenge. This is unsettling.

I imagine you must all be rather unsettled by the INFJ adulation 'round these parts? It is a bit like a brush fire started with hopes of flushing out the prey that ends up burning down the forest. 'Twould make me a bit nervous myself.

Agreed. Genuine interest in INFJs is appreciated. Pursuing an INFJ as a result of that genuine interest is great! Pursuing an INFJ for purposes of the pursuit alone is deplorable.

*FWIW, I think Avatar7s issue is not this problem with this particular individual.

 

[Synarch]

Jenocyde, I like when you actually make good points. Solid! Good reality check, too. Awesome.

 

[Qre:us]

Yeah. Actually the more I thought about it - I didn't like it.
I'm more worried about why she's apparently decided to stay with the guy.

Maybe...she actually likes/loves the 7-years loser, in all his loser-glory (and much about him, we, and I'm sure Av007 will never know)....and Av007 provides a fluffy distraction of 'what ifs' when she's in the need for frivolous affirmation?

She may like feeling like she is wanted, has 'other' choices, such that she may feel even more secure when she settles on the 7yrs loser. People can be fucked in how they test the theory of love for themselves. Right or wrong. Fucked.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

True.... to an extent. INFJs are a challenge that any true appreciative-ENTP will know, there will never be an end. A conquer. Hence, the process of the challenge, for me, with regards to my INFJ bf/ASSHAT (at the current moment) is the main aim. Not the conquering. Never conquer. That's like discovering the first fire, and protecting it from wind and rain, only to then, spit and douse it out at the end. Sacrilegious!!

Is there any true feeling/love behind this? Or is it simply the thrill of the challenge?

 

[Wyst]

Maybe...she actually likes/loves the 7-years loser, in all his loser-glory (and much about him, we, and I'm sure Av007 will never know)....and Av007 provides a fluffy distraction of 'what ifs' when she's in the need for frivolous affirmation?

She may like feeling like she is wanted, has 'other' choices, such that she may feel even more secure when she settles on the 7yrs loser. People can be fucked in how they test the theory of love for themselves. Right or wrong. Fucked.

Which are all the reasons why I said it raises the hair on the back of my neck and I raised the question of how healthy she is as an INFJ (or any type, for that matter).

If she really loves 7yr-loser and still gets off on the attention that she gets from Avie, then that's something to think twice about. Seriously.

 

[Wyst]

Is there any true feeling/love behind this? Or is it simply the thrill of the challenge?

I think we INFJs like to build the perfect relationship. It can almost be like a project. So if she's going into "relationship improvement mode", feelings may have little, if not nothing, to do with it.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

...I must give kudos to Synarch for turning this thread, and many others, into 10+ page threads due to his incessant badgering. Skillz.

 

[Synarch]

...I must give kudos to Synarch for turning this thread, and many others, into 10+ page threads due to his incessant badgering. Skillz.

This could be earnest praise and it could not be. However, my ego dictates that I will see it as praise. Many thanks, Lauren Ashley.

If people would just be honest, I wouldn't have to badger them. I prefer to get the Truth, but if I can't I will keep poking at you with my jaunty stick.

Where is my prize?

 

[Lauren Ashley]

I think we INFJs like to build the perfect relationship. It can almost be like a project. So if she's going into "relationship improvement mode", feelings may have little, if not nothing, to do with it.

I was referring to the ENTP's part.

 

[Synarch]

My problem is that I am a loving person, sensitive , caring with a lot to offer. And man shouldn't be without a wife. And I don't compromise going with anyone other than a fit.

That's the cleanest way I know to describe my problem.

All I hear is "me, me, me". You're trapped in subjectivity.

 

[Qre:us]

Is there any true feeling/love behind this? Or is it simply the thrill of the challenge?

It went from the thrill of the challenge. To the simple thrill of him.

For me, it started with the thrill of the challenge, and his solidness, his quiet resolution, while he still entertained what he called 'chaos' (his petname for me)....made me fall in love with him, in and out of the midst of the challenge.

I've never had someone who could take my energy and absorb it so calmy into himself, without losing his anchor. For someone like me who abhors directions in life, he gives value to a compass.

** I like it when I'm zig-zagging about, and he just envelops me in a hug, and in the most quietest and reassuring voice, goes, "Shh...just listen to the calm"....

...okay, I'm done, cuz I'm about to cry.

 

[Synarch]

It went from the thrill of the challenge. To the simple thrill of him.

For me, it started with the thrill of the challenge, and his solidness, his quiet resolution, while he still entertained what he called 'chaos' (his petname for me)....made me fall in love with him, in and out of the midst of the challenge.

I've never had someone who could take my energy and absorb it so calmy into himself, without losing his anchor. For someone like me who abhors directions in life, he gives value to a compass.

I could have written this if I possessed your poetry. Simply beautiful.

I think we ENTP's march out of our citadels to conquer and find ourselves pleasantly surprised to be disarmed and captivated by the gravity of the calm and mystical INFJ enchanters and enchantresses.

Sigh.