[MBTI General] How Does One Deal With Heartbreak and Is Psychological Pain Necessarily Part Of It?

[iwakar]

Avatar7, I'm sorry if the INFJ input seems derogatory. IME, it's just shocking to encounter an ENTP with such strongly verbalized idealism.

You must be high on the E and Fe my friend. Our commentary is meant to aid.

 

[Synarch]

Perhaps I was unclear in my conversation with her.

I should inform her I offer her a serious, committed, long-term relationship. If she knows that she can make her informed decision. Maybe months later perhaps.

What do you suggest now? Any ideas INFJs? Synarch?

Wait, wait, wait. What did you guys ACTUALLY talk about? (Let's focus later on the subtext.)

 

[Sentura]

I think it is very common for ENTP's to dislike casual sex. Any contrary viewpoints?

it depends on the person. i don't mind sleeping around, but it's not something every weekend. if i can see a special occasion for it or just feel like it, then i go for it though.

 

[Synarch]

She may be blocking it to herself that she has feelings for me...I mean, that would be wrong. Against her Values. Add to her Conflict. But she does. This is not projecting by me...dude. You now know.

Oh, I see. She likes you, she wants you, she just can't admit to herself. Hmmm?

 

[Qre:us]

Course, as the ENTJ present pointed out, this could justify bank robbery.

Robin Hood was romanticized for it. Why not us?

 

[jenocyde]

When I expressed my feelings to her. "I feel more than friends for you. But I understand that the circumstances are difficult due to your relationship. I do get it when it comes to that. I just want to be honest"

Uh huh. You do realize that her circumstance is something she has complete control over right? So she is not happy with this dude but is buying a house with him. And she is leading you on knowing damn well she's in a committed relationship. And you are praying to God to send you someone exactly like her (but not her specifically)? I gave unsolicited advice earlier today which wasn't appreciated, so I won't do it again. With that, I wish you the best of luck and hope that you get everything you pray for. See ya.

 

[Synarch]

No worries. I am highly E. and Fe yes as you can see. I emote sometimes heavily. I work with lots of INTJs. And I have been crying..once sobbing here at my desk today. I think my ISTJ friend over the cubicle knows it as I have seen his concern lately.

I am a 3w2 enneagram. What is your enneagram?

Ah, okay. :hi:

 

[Synarch]

Yup. You hit the center of the bullseye. Not the center of the target. The bullseye. Nice Shooting

I think so. We may not see the same target, though. Have you considered that?

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Avatar7, I'm sorry if the INFJ input seems derogatory. IME, it's just shocking to encounter an ENTP with such strongly verbalized idealism.

You must be high on the E and Fe my friend. Our commentary is meant to aid.

Tough love is our specialty

No harm meant Avatar7.

 

[Synarch]

I feel a little dumb now for treating this thread as if it originated in anything other than insanity.

 

[Qre:us]

Oh, I see. She likes you, she wants you, she just can't admit to herself. Hmmm?

Yup. You hit the center of the bullseye. Not the center of the target. The bullseye. Nice Shooting

When optimism takes on the reins of idealism to force out a reality, it is best to fight against those reins, move against the wants to achieve, and wallow in skepticism. This, I am sure, is quite hard for ENTPs...however, within those extremes, you would most probably find the answer.

Never see a person as a challenge to be conquered. It loses their personhood, and yours, in the process. Which, even if conquered, makes for an illusion of reality. Relationship.

 

[Synarch]

Please expand.

I want you to try to expand it yourself first and offer up possible interpretations.

 

[Synarch]

Never see a person as a challenge to be conquered. It loses their personhood, and yours, in the process.

I like that. Most profound thing I have read today.

 

[Synarch]

Insanity? Haha well being in love can certainly seem like it.

Acknowledged. Though, just be sure to stay moored to reality, my friend. You are flirting with dangerous depths.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Never see a person as a challenge to be conquered. It loses their personhood, and yours, in the process. Which, even if conquered, makes for an illusion of reality. Relationship.

Couldn't have said it better. I sometimes think ENTPs treat INFJs as a challenge. This is unsettling.

 

[Wyst]

Really..Like buying houses with a guy who won't get a ring on her finger? After 7 yrs?

Any woman of this value would be taken by 23 or 24. Meaning married. You would understand. This is a paradox.

Perhaps I was unclear in my conversation with her.

I should inform her I offer her a serious, committed, long-term relationship. If she knows that she can make her informed decision. Maybe months later perhaps.

What do you suggest now? Any ideas INFJs? Synarch?

When did the house-buying BS start? Has that always been part of the equation because today is the first I've heard of it.

Well, I think if she somehow doesn't know you really like her, she's an idiot. Meaning, she's GOT to know you like her. So, why would an INFJ stay in a relationship like that? It's possible she's trying to salvage/improve the relationship through building a home with 7yr-loser. INFJs always are thinking of the future and fantasizing about 'what could be', often to our loss.

Like Jeno said, your INFJ is in complete control of the situation - she' not going to do anything she doesn't want to do. I think that once she buys that house with the dude, there's going to be a CONSIDERABLE sunk cost in that relationship (not to mention the previous 7 years), making it even more difficult to leave the relationship in the future, at which point I think you won't have much of a chance.

If you're going to do something about this and have no regrets either way, I'd say it's time to man up and tell her clearly and plainly to go with you and leave the guy. Frankly, I'm surprised she hasn't already left him if she's serious about a possibility with you. Furthermore, the whole house thing raises the hair on the back of my neck as to how healthy of an INFJ she is (if she truly is unsatisfied in the relationship) - SO BE CAREFUL with what you decide. Weight the costs well. You don't want to wind up with a co-dependant INFJ on your hands...

That's my 2 cents.

 

[Synarch]

Couldn't have said it better. I sometimes think ENTPs treat INFJs as a challenge. This is unsettling.

I imagine you must all be rather unsettled by the INFJ adulation 'round these parts? It is a bit like a brush fire started with hopes of flushing out the prey that ends up burning down the forest. 'Twould make me a bit nervous myself.

 

[Qre:us]

When did the house-buying BS start? Has that always been part of the equation because today is the first I've heard of it.

Well, I think if she somehow doesn't know you really like her, she's an idiot. Meaning, she's GOT to know you like her. So, why would an INFJ stay in a relationship like that? It's possible she's trying to salvage/improve the relationship through building a home with 7yr-loser. INFJs always are thinking of the future and fantasizing about 'what could be', often to our loss.

Like Jeno said, your INFJ is in complete control of the situation - she' not going to do anything she doesn't want to do. I think that once she buys that house with the dude, there's going to be a CONSIDERABLE sunk cost in that relationship (not to mention the previous 7 years), making it even more difficult to leave the relationship in the future, at which point I think you won't have much of a chance.

If you're going to do something about this and have no regrets either way, I'd say it's time to man up and tell her clearly and plainly to go with you and leave the guy. Frankly, I'm surprised she hasn't already left him if she's serious about a possibility with you. Furthermore, the whole house thing raises the hair on the back of my neck as to how healthy of an INFJ she is (if she truly is unsatisfied in the relationship).

If you're going to rescue her out of a situation she's choosing to stay in, coaxing with softing wooing may not work anymore. Sometimes a damsel in distress needs to be swung over the shoulder of the knight and carried away.

That's my 2 cents.

WTF!! This is a person...a woman, we're talking about, right? Like, one with autonomy and choices??!!

 

[Synarch]

WTF!! This is a person...a woman, we're talking about, right? Like, one with autonomy and choices??!!

Perhaps INFJ men are just as clueless as ENTP men?

 

[Wyst]

WTF!! This is a person...a woman, we're talking about, right? Like, one with autonomy and choices??!!

Yeah. Actually the more I thought about it - I didn't like it.
I'm more worried about why she's apparently decided to stay with the guy.