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  1. #31
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnDoe View Post
    If you still don't believe that I'm an INFJ, there are plenty of people on the board I used to post on that will vouch for my INFJness.
    Which forum did you post on and why did you stop?

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Which forum did you post on and why did you stop?
    INTJf... I don't really want to get into a public discussion about it. If your really curious, feel free to PM me, but I don't want it to look like I'm carrying over a disagreement to this board. But this site was recommended to me as being a bit more laid back.

  3. #33
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnDoe View Post
    INTJf... I don't really want to get into a public discussion about it. If your really curious, feel free to PM me, but I don't want it to look like I'm carrying over a disagreement to this board. But this site was recommended to me as being a bit more laid back.
    I was just curious - as I always am - but I am not one to poke and prod. I tend to ask questions until someone tells me to stop. I won't PM you about that.

    Yes, it's laid back here to a point, like everywhere. At least you'll find diversity here... and some humor? I don't know. Well, welcome aboard. You should start an introduction thread if you haven't already.

  4. #34
    violaine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    Other types - feel free to hang out, but my purpose in this thread is to get INFJs' input on this topic.

    So, INFJs - these things which make us uniquely 'INFJ', I'm curious how you look at them.

    For example: (and granted, these are generalizations - not blanket statements)
    • We tend to shun direct confrontation
    I used to when I was younger until I was catalyzed by certain events in life. I don't seek out confrontation but I will not avoid it. That feels like betraying myself. Though, I will try to carefully express my thoughts if I am dating someone less empathetic or with lesser capacity for ethical reasoning/emotional sensibilities.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    • We usually don’t have tons of friends – rather we have a few chosen comrades
    True, I have a lot of acquaintances but only a few people with whom I consistently want to spend my time. I'm interested in depth of contact, not breadth. It's also that I find prolonged contact with people to be draining.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    • We often live in a fantasy world – the fantasy world allows us to explore possibilities but often, we’re disappointed with reality, leaving us troubled in relationships
    The way I conceptualize and conceive of things is how I chart my way through life. I prefer to impose on the outside world what I want for myself. I rarely contemplate without a goal in mind. (The goal may just be to understand something.)

    I have always had an idea of how I want my relationships to be and am not easily satisfied with less than a very strong connection and the capacity for growing together. It can lead to dissatisfaction but I can't settle. Somewhat solved by only dating people I am intensely attracted to and then taking our time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    • We hate talking on the phone and would rather text
    Most definitely with certain people. I like the expediency of texting. I enjoy speaking on the phone with certain people when I have the time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    I could list off more but I guess what I’m getting it as that the typical poorly-developed INFJ really seems to be a hider. Not a hermit, because a hermit has chosen his lifestyle because he’s often a crotchety old grump.
    I'm too scared of letting life pass me by to hide from it. I am more of a hermit than a hider in the sense that I get overloaded by other people and need down time to process/contemplate.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    INFJs, I think, deep down want to get out, but our ‘weaknesses’ trip us up along the way and we grow content with the status quo, content with our books and music, content with ‘this is just the way I am, and why the hell should I have to change? I’m an INFJ dammit!’.

    So do you think our tendency to hold back is what makes us who we are or do you think it’s just one area in our INFJ-ness that needs to be developed, a character defect, if you will…

    I’ve got my opinions but I’ll pull them out later.
    I don't think holding back makes an INFJ that type. Rather it places one on a continuum of behavior resulting in variance in people of the same type. I think there are deeper processes/unconscious preferences at work but they can be expressed differently according to how we filter or push ourselves or the strength of our natural preferences. I may be stating the obvious but having something like Avoidant PD or the like will greatly influence how a person appears too.

    A general aside: My concern about MBTI is the rigid-mindedness of some devotees, e.g. justifying one's behavior because of a type description; becoming locked into behaviors that are limiting because of strongly identifying with a type; being automatically dismissive of others of another type. If we were to substitute almost any other variable and do the same it would likely be roundly criticized. (Not talking about lighthearted references to type.)


    Quote Originally Posted by Immaculate Cloud View Post
    Hmm, for me at least, I do find that hanging out with extreme extroverts tend to make me feel exhausted. For instance, my extroverted mother came to see me this weekend and from the minute she came in till she went out, she was talking non-stop about her life, jumping from one topic to another and hardly a minute of silence in between. It was a rambling monologue that left my ears feeling like they've had too much to process...I admit that I enjoyed the company, the funny stories about the toddlers in the family. But then she will go off at a tangent about this and that and it was hard to follow, even with a shared NF.

    Perhaps the defect, if defect there is, is the INFJ's inability to filter all this information, turn DOWN the attention when the talk is all fluff and turn UP the attention when the talk is more interesting??? I know some people who can do that. I find it impossible to do that. I will listen to a loved one with ears FULLY open. I admit I also extend the same courtesy to strangers. So if the world is predominantly extroverted, is it any wonder the INFJ chooses to limit going out and limit interacting with people?
    Yes, and that is exhausting. For me it is down to that I extend the same basic respect to all people in personal interactions unless/until given a reason not to. People in general are fascinating, I have had very satisfying conversations with strangers.

    Quote Originally Posted by Immaculate Cloud View Post
    My friends react with surprise when I can quote verbatim what it is they said in some conversation years back. They find it scary. They also find it scary how I can remember word for word how they felt at a particular period of their life and what they had shared back then. In fact, that is what helps me see how they develop as persons. And sometimes the self-defeating patterns in their lives long before they themselves realize it. I've learned to keep that trait somewhat under wraps now...LOL.

    The downside of that trait is that once someone is doorslammed, the doorslam is pretty permanent because there is a whole archive of conversations, happenings, etc that has been processed, the good as well as the bad. Think of it as chapters and annotations! You might call that the dark side of the extensive recall abiity of the INFJ.
    Lol, I have this kind of recall and the ability to pick up on patterns of behavior too. I would be disoriented without it. My b/f often reacts with surprise and sometimes alarm at my recall. Heh.

    Quote Originally Posted by Peguy View Post
    Flattered, but you clearly speak too highly of us. I often notice this with people.
    Hmm, yes, and that is unnerving. Sooner or later there will be a backlash too.

  5. #35
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sanveane View Post
    Hmm, yes, and that is unnerving. Sooner or later there will be a backlash too.
    Hopefully it won't go so far as to cause a backlash. You guys don't deserve that, even if INFJs are being a bit idolized at the moment.

    Honestly, I think it's the rarity combined with the fact that you guys are theoretically best matched for Ne dominant types (ENxP). Ne dominant types can become rather intense and obsessive when they get an idea in their head and can't test it out properly. Ne needs to be fed!

  6. #36
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    My father is an INFJ, and I think he's self aware to the point of finding it crippling. Well, more like this sequence of events - he is unaware of a personal behavior, he has it pointed out to him, he suddenly looks as if he's had his pants pulled down in the village square, he retreats and reconnoiters. No matter how the news is presented to him, he seems to have a great deal of embarrassment that he "didn't see it", regardless of how gently it's put to him. My NFJ twin sister also tells me she finds the "cluelessness" ( as she puts it ) very embarrassing.
    this is a terrible feeling for nfjs. Ni and Fe make it so that we feel like we should ALWAYS see it before anyone else does, always recognize possibilities for other interpretation. it is one of the ways in which we create our feeling of security, planning ahead, preparing something relational indefensible, perfect, etc. it is why we seem so tight at times. one of the most freeing feelings is being so comfortable and secure wiht someone else that you feel spontaneous. that you do not have to be indefensible, etc. this is the differnece between healhty and unhealhty infjs, and, somewhat annoyingly, infjs usually require more resources and nurturing than others to get to this point. really, you REALLY love me, really really? wait, are you sure, mmm, maybe you could prove it, well that was allllrigth but it doesn't really prove anything, theoretically you didn't prove anything, etc. (sorry! )

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Hopefully it won't go so far as to cause a backlash. You guys don't deserve that, even if INFJs are being a bit idolized at the moment.

    Honestly, I think it's the rarity combined with the fact that you guys are theoretically best matched for Ne dominant types (ENxP). Ne dominant types can become rather intense and obsessive when they get an idea in their head and can't test it out properly. Ne needs to be fed!
    definitely, you couldn't have explained the situation on these boards better. also, whereas enp types often feel unrecognized and unappreciated but still get out there and get a lot of shit done, are liked but not liked for the right reasons, infjs tend to withdraw more if it is not going their way. so when it is infjs loooove the limelight as much as any other type. it makes both types feel like the 92 dream team runnin' N circles round these european fools (or maybe the harlem globetrotters).

  7. #37
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    this is a terrible feeling for nfjs. Ni and Fe make it so that we feel like we should ALWAYS see it before anyone else does, always recognize possibilities for other interpretation. it is one of the ways in which we create our feeling of security, planning ahead, preparing something relational indefensible, perfect, etc. it is why we seem so tight at times. one of the most freeing feelings is being so comfortable and secure wiht someone else that you feel spontaneous that you do not have to be indefensible, etc.
    Very true. Very.

    this is the differnece between healhty and unhealhty infjs
    Wait, what's the difference?

    really, you REALLY love me, really really? wait, are you sure, mmm, maybe you could prove it, well that was allllrigth but it doesn't really prove anything, theoretically you didn't prove anything, etc.
    My personal favorite: Why don't you love me?

  8. #38

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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Hopefully it won't go so far as to cause a backlash. You guys don't deserve that, even if INFJs are being a bit idolized at the moment.

    Honestly, I think it's the rarity combined with the fact that you guys are theoretically best matched for Ne dominant types (ENxP). Ne dominant types can become rather intense and obsessive when they get an idea in their head and can't test it out properly. Ne needs to be fed!
    We iz Ni-flavored biscuits with Fe-frosting for Ne-monsters?

    omnomnom
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  9. #39
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    So do you think our tendency to hold back is what makes us who we are or do you think it’s just one area in our INFJ-ness that needs to be developed, a character defect, if you will…

    I’ve got my opinions but I’ll pull them out later.

    Wyst...Are you Ne testing with this^...

    *Wyst makes an attempt to add trustworthy people to his close friends. (Count me in!, OK!)

    We gotta talk.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  10. #40
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    So, INFJs - these things which make us uniquely 'INFJ', I'm curious how you look at them.

    For example: (and granted, these are generalizations - not blanket statements)
    • We tend to shun direct confrontation
    • We usually don’t have tons of friends – rather we have a few chosen comrades
    • We often live in a fantasy world – the fantasy world allows us to explore possibilities
    • We hate talking on the phone and would rather text
    check, check, CHECK, check

    INFJs, I think, deep down want to get out, but our ‘weaknesses’ trip us up along the way and we grow content with the status quo, content with our books and music, content with ‘this is just the way I am, and why the hell should I have to change? I’m an INFJ dammit!’.

    hmm. i don't see my infj characteristics as weaknesses. deep down i don't really want to get out all that much. okay, sometimes i DO, and i do, but, you know, it's never as much fun as i might have built up in my mind, and i've learned it's just ok to WANT to stay home and be happy in that. others would go crazy--my friends love to go to hear live music (and i do too after i'm there), or to a fun town nearby, or to a random movie; and for them to stay home would be torture. they're constantly running around doing 'fun' things.

    So do you think our tendency to hold back is what makes us who we are or do you think it’s just one area in our INFJ-ness that needs to be developed, a character defect, if you will…
    my tendency to hold back IS who i am, and i am okay with that. i embrace that.

    because

    i am here and my friends know it. i am at my maximum potential when i am taking care of my family, yes, but i have many close friendships i nurture on a regular (every few weeks) basis, and they are almost as important to me. in fact, before i even knew about mbti or my personality, i would tell my close friends that what i invisioned at this point in my life was just being a good wife, mother, and friend. most of the time that means i go to my friends' home or (usually) my friends come here, and they treasure that, and call me when they need to work through a problem or whatever--need a listener.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    Here's another example:

    Male INFJ. Wants to join conversation at the party. Decides not to partially because he can't feel the flow of the conversation and find a spot to jump in and thinks even if he did jump in, what he had to say wouldn't be received as he hopes. So he writes it off saying, "Meh... I'm in INFJ.. this isn't my cup of tea anyway" and so he ends up staying quiet, not joining in the conversation, despite that being the VERY thing he wants to do.

    Is this an example of a true INFJ, or an INFJ that's blaming his weakness on being an INFJ?
    if i go to a party, i find that i do latch on to one or two people i feel comfortable with or click with, and try to have a meaningful conversation with them of some sort. i CAN mingle well, but i prefer not too as it's draining for me. i am not an extrovert so i know i will not be the life of the party, but i do not expect myself to be, beyond making a bold entrance, which i kinda like to do. i like the excitement of hanging back and wondering who will give me the vibe, or who's energy i'll pick up on, and if that will be a surprising find, as in someone i wouldn't ordinarily talk to.

    i totally understand what you're saying in the above paragraph. i think we feel the urge to jump in because we are picking up on the flow and reading the people, and sincerely enjoying the moment, and have immense thoughts and feelings flying all about our heads and bodies. but i do believe being a true infj keeps us from jumping in there. what is the big deal anyway? if we don't jump in there, we are still part of the conversation. the listening part, which can be more fascinating. if we do jump in there, it usually falls flat, right? it just does. okay, maybe we'll get lucky and our moment will be amazing, but then it will pass and we won't be able to sustain it for the most part, and we'll skulk back into the crowd hopefully unnoticed......haha. you know what i mean?

    i think you are an awesome infj trying to make yourself into an enfj, estp, estj, ? or something like that.

    are you finding it hard to be patient and to be a true infj because you feel like you can't meet women that way? that the women flock to the 'life of the party,' or more extroverted men, and that your normal activities aren't condusive to meeting interesting women?

    be wary of becoming someone you are not. i think it is healthy to stretch oneself in an acitivities-oriented way, like, learning how to scuba dive even if you've always been afraid of water, for example. but forcing yourself to act in a way that goes against your intuition --our specialty function--is just driving you further from who you really are.

    any excuse to use the smokin smilie!
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