[INFJ] INFJs and Hate/Revenge

[Synarch]

True in a way. But it's more that I'm willing to overlook many umm...personality defects, while at the same time highlighting favorable qualities in a person, so some people begin to feel comfortable that they will be accepted no matter what. They then begin to impose themselves ever and I begin to wonder about them and start the excision process. I won't follow through on it if they change their behavior. But usually it gets worse until the final straw. Then they ask themselves how I can be so absolute in my decision; well it was a long time coming.

It does seem that some people are incapable of reciprocity, especially if you do not demand in overtly.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

It does seem that some people are incapable of reciprocity, especially if you do not demand in overtly.

Right. And in those cases, the process is accelerated. I don't demand much really, except respect and consideration. If you can't give at least that then the relationship is not worth it.

 

[93JC]

You do respond well to my influence, though. Maybe we can turn you into something useful.

Wait wait wait: you call me an asshole, and then want to be my friend?






Okay.

 

[Synarch]

Wait wait wait: you call me an asshole, and then want to be my friend?






Okay.

That's how I roll. First we fight, then I win, then we go have beers and call each other "faggot".

 

[Synarch]

Right. And in those cases, the process is accelerated. I don't demand much really, except respect and consideration. If you can't give at least that then the relationship is not worth it.

I do admire the INFJ approach of not demanding reciprocity, instead waiting to see what people do naturally.

 

[93JC]

That's how I roll. First we fight, then I win, then we go have beers and call each other "faggot".

Screw you, I won you homo.

 

[Udog]

True in a way. But it's more that I'm willing to overlook many umm...personality defects, while at the same time highlighting favorable qualities in a person, so some people begin to feel comfortable that they will be accepted no matter what. They then begin to impose themselves ever and I begin to wonder about them and start the excision process. I won't follow through on it if they change their behavior. But usually it gets worse until the final straw. Then they ask themselves how I can be so absolute in my decision; well it was a long time coming.

Whoa... that was like, word for word, my second guess.

 

[Lightyear]

I do admire the INFJ approach of not demanding reciprocity, instead waiting to see what people do naturally.

Is that a typical INFJ approach or also typical for a lot of other types? I know that I am like this, I try to give no-strings attached as much as possible since I would feel horrible and fake if I gave while already expecting something in return. But of course there is also a limit to how much I'll give, if nothing ever comes back I just lose the will and strength to keep on giving.

 

[LadyJaye]

This sort of thing is why I'm not sure that ENTP-INFJ matches are a good idea. I know that personally, trust has always been very important to me in relationships. I couldn't trust someone who would potentially do this.

Trust is everything. Playing with someone you love ( like a puppy pulling on another puppy's ears ) is great, but trying to push them just to make them feel off balance isn't kind.

The point is, science in itself doesn't dictate who you should like. IJ's and EP's tend to have opposite attraction, but who's to say it will last in many cases? It takes work. I will say this though: from what I've seen INFJ and ENFP is often a great match (fireworks),

just my two cents.

We do, in fact, rock together. The mix is electric.

 

[Faine]

Is that a typical INFJ approach or also typical for a lot of other types? I know that I am like this, I try to give no-strings attached as much as possible since I would feel horrible and fake if I gave while already expecting something in return. But of course there is also a limit to how much I'll give, if nothing ever comes back I just lose the will and strength to keep on giving.

I don't know about other types, but I think it's something that the majority of INFJs do. I'm the same at any rate, I tend to give and give until I exhaust myself. All I'd really like in return is a 'thank you' or a genuine 'how are YOU doing?' but unfortunately they don't seem to come very often. Even then though, it takes a long time before I finally back off and say: "Y'know what? Do it on your own now." People tell me I'm 'too nice' but for a long while I didn't think there was such a thing until I realised that there were times when I was just letting people walk all over me, which needless to say, wasn't good for me and wasn't really good for them either in the long run. Tough love is sometimes necessary I suppose.

 

[Skyward]

That's how I roll. First we fight, then I win, then we go have beers and call each other "faggot".

That's how I used to make friends

The point is, science in itself doesn't dictate who you should like. IJ's and EP's tend to have opposite attraction, but who's to say it will last in many cases? It takes work. I will say this though: from what I've seen INFJ and ENFP is often a great match (fireworks)

Eh, all the ENTPs I know are schmoozing up ENFPs. They don't pay much attention to us cosmic-flavored tootsie-pops, though they are pretty fun once they get on a tangent.

 

[Faine]

They don't pay much attention to us cosmic-flavored tootsie-pops, though they are pretty fun once they get on a tangent.

Cosmic-flavoured tootsie-pops? Okay, I like that one.

 

[PuddleRiver]

I don't know about other types, but I think it's something that the majority of INFJs do. I'm the same at any rate, I tend to give and give until I exhaust myself. All I'd really like in return is a 'thank you' or a genuine 'how are YOU doing?' but unfortunately they don't seem to come very often. Even then though, it takes a long time before I finally back off and say: "Y'know what? Do it on your own now." People tell me I'm 'too nice' but for a long while I didn't think there was such a thing until I realised that there were times when I was just letting people walk all over me, which needless to say, wasn't good for me and wasn't really good for them either in the long run. Tough love is sometimes necessary I suppose.

QFT. Man, I could have written this, but I didn't have to, thanks to you.

 

[Glycerine]

I usually resent the person for quite awhile but I usually forgive them later on (but that does not necessarily mean we are friends again). There are only two people that are on my shitlist... they deserve it. There is nobody I truly hate but there are a few that I dislike. It takes a lot for me to genuinely dislike you.

 

[Trefle]

I wondered sometimes, what do fellow INFJs -feel- when putting someone in a shitlist?

I mean, when I did, it's a "excuse me, who are you?" kind of indifference or "you wanna play it like this? Sure." kind of ..following the game. But it's rather.....bland; cold. Unfeeling.

I don't seem to invest hatred towards people I 'hate', more like, "WHAT makes you THINK you're worthy enough to me to spend ANY emotions to you?"
the root...is hatred, I suppose. Or dislike, but not expressed in hatred. >_>;;

In fact, I noticed I usually spew hatred together with annoyance >_>;

how about fellow INFJs?

 

[Lexicon]

When there is someone who has either done something to me or acted in a certain way towards me (unpleasant of course), I immediately put them on my "sh*t list" and from that moment on, I may go out of my way to make things difficult for them. Not in a way that it would be harmful, but I would not go out of my way for them. Are any other INFJs here that are the same way? Okay, at times, I may do something evil as revenge (as long as this does not go against my own values).

Are INFJs pretty black and white when it comes to liking and hating people? For myself, if somebody does not engage me, I really don't have any interest in conversing with them.

I don't think I can hate people.
I mean, that's just an emotional committment right there.
I had to have given them some amount of myself, trust, whathaveyou in order for them to be able to affect my emotions at all, let alone that deeply.
And it takes a lot to reach that place. I have thick skin and high walls, and very few really get close enough to actually cause me any kind of damage.
And those people never have.

People disappoint me, and people frustrate me, and more often than not, I ultimately feel sorry for them, because they fail to see the bigger picture.


I tend to wish better for those who have done me [or those I care for] wrong. I tend to wish that they gain clarity someday. "Hate the sin, not the sinner," or somesuch.

So basically I sigh, shake my head, and walk away from them. I don't feed into any types of antagonism or passive-agressive behavior; I just call them on it once, and they tend not to try anymore. They won't get what they're after from me, and they know it.

I derive no satisfaction from going out of my way to make life unpleasant for anyone. Not even from secretly wishing it. What good does it do. That's all that crosses over my consciousness. Really. What good does it do. (so needless to say, I don't engage in these behaviors)

I have little in this world that's black and white.. it's a vast spectrum of shades of gray.

 

[Lightyear]

I wondered sometimes, what do fellow INFJs -feel- when putting someone in a shitlist?

I mean, when I did, it's a "excuse me, who are you?" kind of indifference or "you wanna play it like this? Sure." kind of ..following the game. But it's rather.....bland; cold. Unfeeling.

Same here. Once you are on my shitlist I have usually gone past my emotions and it's just a rational decision: "You are not good for me. I cut you out of my life. Bye!"

 

[Synarch]

Is that a typical INFJ approach or also typical for a lot of other types? I know that I am like this, I try to give no-strings attached as much as possible since I would feel horrible and fake if I gave while already expecting something in return. But of course there is also a limit to how much I'll give, if nothing ever comes back I just lose the will and strength to keep on giving.

I find myself acting out if I don't feel like things are reciprocal when sometimes I should just walk away.

 

[Halla74]

I find myself acting out if I don't feel like things are reciprocal when sometimes I should just walk away.

Damn it, Synarch. I do the same. Again, not pre-mediatated, but I've been accused of this more than once.

Walking away is hard for someone who most of the time has a significant effect on their immediate environment.

 

[Synarch]

Walking away is hard for someone who most of the time has a significant effect on their immediate environment.

That explains my last failed relationship. Didn't know when to quit. Kept trying to use my will to mold things. Yeah, I've learned a lot more (because someone got me thinking this way) that things either work or they don't. The dynamic has to be natural to some degree.