I might get some satisfaction from seeing someone get a dose of justice mind you, but not usually as a direct result of my own doing. My experience is that if you leave it long enough, people who screw other people over tend to end up screwing themselves over in the end. That said, there are still some people who are so far gone that they don't even realise this when it happens until someone points it out to them... which I might, if I feel the need to.
The only times I'll actively step in (politely and fairly, not via revenge) is if I see someone being an asshole to someone else... but to me? Meh. I might get hurt, but I deal with it in my own quiet little way. I have to be seriously, seriously pushed to consider doing anything else. As a general rule, I'll tolerate a lot from people. Then again, I'm not entirely sure that this is actually a good approach; I tend to let people get away with a lot of things under the sometimes misguided hope that they're not as bad as they seem. I like to find the good in everyone, so really, I can never successfully hate someone. The INFJ door-slam applies in extreme cases however.
+1. This is me in a nutshell. Even after being completely hurt and manipulated, I feel as though there is still some underlying truth I've yet to find. Therefore, I'm never really willing to completely shut someone out of my life or put them on some bad list.
Yep, I often spend most of the time analyzing myself, and how I contributed to get things to wherever they ended up. This would be because it always takes two people in a relationship, and I have a hard time placing the blame on just one person - because it doesn't make much sense to me. It's usually some element of the interaction itself; not being in sync with the other person, some element that's just completely 'off' and irreconcilable, etc. The two of us just don't fit well together. But I have to say I can't think of a person I actively HATE. Sure, initially when I've been hurt I might feel some level of hate towards them, but it's more just being hurt and upset and not knowing what I did to provoke such anger/dismissal in them.
But I am willing to shut people out of my life if I don't deem the interaction is fruitful for both.
I don't understand the 'revenge' concept either. If someone does something to me, or to others, that I find despicable or I've lost all respect for that person, why revenge? Then I'd just be enacting the same traits that I despise in them. I guess also I find it immature; sorry. I will just cease to have them on my radar at all, if I don't respect them. And to focus so much negative energy on revenge, well...that gives them more attention than they really deserve. IF it's gotten to be that bad. But I can't think of a case in my personal life where I've ever felt that negatively towards someone.
"...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce
First of all, I believed in "the opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference." So yeah, I usually won't go out of my belief to hate someone; if they consciously hates me, and are shallowly so, by being indifferent they won't get me by making me angry.
Indifference never means being a passive doormat, however. For me it's more of losing the emotional connection; the attachment I previously had with someone; they mean nothing.
And when they mean nothing, you can do everything to them as long as you wanted to.
I can still attempting to be kind, I can be the most selfish bitch you'd ever seen, I can give attention if I wanted to, nor shall I give any if I didn't want to. I could cry seeing you being hurt, I could laugh seeing your pain, you have -no- rights to prevent me doing that.
So yeah, it's rather selfish and egocentric but it's all depending on me now, whether I will be good or not. >_>;
When someone consciously acts like a jerk, I somehow got this need to engage in battle. No, I'm not hating them, I'm just fighting them; sparring, perhaps. No hard feelings.
I'm not free from hatred, of course, but strangely whenever hatred visits me I'd back out from that person, maybe to the point of indifference. And questioning on why that person hated me.
When there is someone who has either done something to me or acted in a certain way towards me (unpleasant of course), I immediately put them on my "sh*t list" and from that moment on, I may go out of my way to make things difficult for them. Not in a way that it would be harmful, but I would not go out of my way for them. Are any other INFJs here that are the same way? Okay, at times, I may do something evil as revenge (as long as this does not go against my own values).
Are INFJs pretty black and white when it comes to liking and hating people? For myself, if somebody does not engage me, I really don't have any interest in conversing with them.
Hating somebody is a waste of my precious time. So is holding grudges.
Over-analyzing is a whole another matter. That goes on for a really long time, but it's more out of curiosity than plotting some scheme for revenge.
There is this forgive/forget dilemma. I guess it depends on whether this person is close to me and they've managed to get under my skin. I know I won't be able to forget if somebody deliberately hurt me. And I wouldn't call it forgiving either.
If it's somebody I don't know that well, then the game is on. Everything has a reason and I won't rest until I've thought what possible reasons that person could have had to act this way. It's like playing a game.
There is definitely going to be a mental block towards this person. At worst, it's a mixed feeling of sorrow and coldness because something is broken and it cannot be fixed ever again.
But when I'm finally done analyzing them, then they just...are...somewhere out there.
My INFJ wife is the least vengeful person I have ever met. Once someone is on her shitlist, however, it is no small task to get off it. In all honesty I think a simple apology and better behavior would do it for most people that have ever been unfortunate enough to get on it, but from my experience at least 80% of adult humans are incapable of apologizing, which is unfortunate.
She has noted a few times that I am big on revenge. I don't even consciously think of it, but apparently I work it into the flow of things if I think it is deserved.
Unpredictability is ideal. Whenever you think of fucking with me seriously my goal is to make you stop and wonder, "Would he really burn my house down and make it look like an accident while I'm away in Cancun this summer?"
Would I ever do anything like that? No, of course not. I promise. Enjoy your trip.
"Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."