• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INFJ] INFJs and Hate/Revenge

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
Dearest Synarch,
Yes, this is, indeed the basis of trust. Thank you for your very open and honest reply to my question. I enjoy reading your wel articulated thoughts on this forum and appreciate the positive things you have said about Infj's in particular. It has been so nice to go from feeling like an oddball in the world to finding oneself not only not alone, but actually sometimes even appreciated at typology c.
I.M.

Welcome and thanks for your contributions! As in all things, you are rarely ever alone.
 

Lightyear

New member
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
899
People may get X-ed out of my life depending on the severity of the offense. But revenge is not my thing; it would only hurt me in the process. I don't think I "hate" anyone but there are people I choose not to associate with because they bring more grief to my life than joy.


Exactly. I don't think I have ever taken revenge or ever hated someone but if you are a complete idiot I won't give you the time of the day. It's actually a rather logical decision.
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Glad I read this thread; explains a lot. Need to remind myself to stay the fuck away from cute INFJ girls :p Hell is proximity to itself, afterall.

I was just kidding about burning your house down! Sheesh, nozzy. Some people can never take a joke!
 

Nyota

New member
Joined
Nov 13, 2008
Messages
69
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
4w5
When someone hurts me I obsess about it until I can understand what happened. I internalize negativity too easily and it is my Achilles heel. I get more distant from the person, but I don't think of it as a doorslam. I also never grow tired of people. I never have them figured out. I can deliberately work at understanding someone for fifteen years and still know that i can only come within an approximation of understanding the whole of the complexity and nuance. If I saw the world like a cartoon, then yes, i would probably be able to say I had a lot figured out, but there is much more to understand than a caricature of each person. People possess a vast complexity and depth of nuance.
+1. This is me in a nutshell. Even after being completely hurt and manipulated, I feel as though there is still some underlying truth I've yet to find. Therefore, I'm never really willing to completely shut someone out of my life or put them on some bad list.
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
MBTI Type
INfp
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
When there is someone who has either done something to me or acted in a certain way towards me (unpleasant of course), I immediately put them on my "sh*t list" and from that moment on, I may go out of my way to make things difficult for them. Not in a way that it would be harmful, but I would not go out of my way for them. Are any other INFJs here that are the same way? Okay, at times, I may do something evil as revenge (as long as this does not go against my own values). ;)

Just please be careful. Revenge checked only by morality is a slippery slope. I've seen INFJs' moral compasses get broken under times of extreme duress, and then do some pretty horrible things as a means to questionable ends.
 

Winds of Thor

New member
Joined
Jan 11, 2009
Messages
1,842
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
This sort of thing is why I'm not sure that ENTP-INFJ matches are a good idea. I know that personally, trust has always been very important to me in relationships. I couldn't trust someone who would potentially do this.

Then the ENTP isn't or wasn't committed. We are loyal to those we love. It's as simple as that. Truly. :)
 

Winds of Thor

New member
Joined
Jan 11, 2009
Messages
1,842
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Very good philosophy. I try my hardest to refuse to hate.

Loving, giving, doing...purveying altruistic meaning to others...Last but not least, forgiveness, to release oneself from being bound to hate...


Doing these are some things that block out hate.
 

Faine

New member
Joined
Jan 15, 2009
Messages
87
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Revenge... I can't do it.

I might get some satisfaction from seeing someone get a dose of justice mind you, but not usually as a direct result of my own doing. My experience is that if you leave it long enough, people who screw other people over tend to end up screwing themselves over in the end. That said, there are still some people who are so far gone that they don't even realise this when it happens until someone points it out to them... which I might, if I feel the need to.

The only times I'll actively step in (politely and fairly, not via revenge) is if I see someone being an asshole to someone else... but to me? Meh. I might get hurt, but I deal with it in my own quiet little way. I have to be seriously, seriously pushed to consider doing anything else. As a general rule, I'll tolerate a lot from people. Then again, I'm not entirely sure that this is actually a good approach; I tend to let people get away with a lot of things under the sometimes misguided hope that they're not as bad as they seem. I like to find the good in everyone, so really, I can never successfully hate someone. The INFJ door-slam applies in extreme cases however.
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
+1. This is me in a nutshell. Even after being completely hurt and manipulated, I feel as though there is still some underlying truth I've yet to find. Therefore, I'm never really willing to completely shut someone out of my life or put them on some bad list.

Yep, I often spend most of the time analyzing myself, and how I contributed to get things to wherever they ended up. This would be because it always takes two people in a relationship, and I have a hard time placing the blame on just one person - because it doesn't make much sense to me. It's usually some element of the interaction itself; not being in sync with the other person, some element that's just completely 'off' and irreconcilable, etc. The two of us just don't fit well together. But I have to say I can't think of a person I actively HATE. Sure, initially when I've been hurt I might feel some level of hate towards them, but it's more just being hurt and upset and not knowing what I did to provoke such anger/dismissal in them.

But I am willing to shut people out of my life if I don't deem the interaction is fruitful for both.

I don't understand the 'revenge' concept either. If someone does something to me, or to others, that I find despicable or I've lost all respect for that person, why revenge? Then I'd just be enacting the same traits that I despise in them. I guess also I find it immature; sorry. I will just cease to have them on my radar at all, if I don't respect them. And to focus so much negative energy on revenge, well...that gives them more attention than they really deserve. IF it's gotten to be that bad. But I can't think of a case in my personal life where I've ever felt that negatively towards someone.
 

Trefle

New member
Joined
May 13, 2009
Messages
53
MBTI Type
INFJ
I..lemme elaborate.

First of all, I believed in "the opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference." So yeah, I usually won't go out of my belief to hate someone; if they consciously hates me, and are shallowly so, by being indifferent they won't get me by making me angry.

Indifference never means being a passive doormat, however. For me it's more of losing the emotional connection; the attachment I previously had with someone; they mean nothing.

And when they mean nothing, you can do everything to them as long as you wanted to.

I can still attempting to be kind, I can be the most selfish bitch you'd ever seen, I can give attention if I wanted to, nor shall I give any if I didn't want to. I could cry seeing you being hurt, I could laugh seeing your pain, you have -no- rights to prevent me doing that.

So yeah, it's rather selfish and egocentric but it's all depending on me now, whether I will be good or not. >_>;

When someone consciously acts like a jerk, I somehow got this need to engage in battle. No, I'm not hating them, I'm just fighting them; sparring, perhaps. No hard feelings.

I'm not free from hatred, of course, but strangely whenever hatred visits me I'd back out from that person, maybe to the point of indifference. And questioning on why that person hated me.
 
P

Phantonym

Guest
When there is someone who has either done something to me or acted in a certain way towards me (unpleasant of course), I immediately put them on my "sh*t list" and from that moment on, I may go out of my way to make things difficult for them. Not in a way that it would be harmful, but I would not go out of my way for them. Are any other INFJs here that are the same way? Okay, at times, I may do something evil as revenge (as long as this does not go against my own values).

Are INFJs pretty black and white when it comes to liking and hating people? For myself, if somebody does not engage me, I really don't have any interest in conversing with them.

Hating somebody is a waste of my precious time. So is holding grudges.
Over-analyzing is a whole another matter. That goes on for a really long time, but it's more out of curiosity than plotting some scheme for revenge.

There is this forgive/forget dilemma. I guess it depends on whether this person is close to me and they've managed to get under my skin. I know I won't be able to forget if somebody deliberately hurt me. And I wouldn't call it forgiving either.
If it's somebody I don't know that well, then the game is on. Everything has a reason and I won't rest until I've thought what possible reasons that person could have had to act this way. It's like playing a game.
There is definitely going to be a mental block towards this person. At worst, it's a mixed feeling of sorrow and coldness because something is broken and it cannot be fixed ever again.
But when I'm finally done analyzing them, then they just...are...somewhere out there.
 

iwakar

crush the fences
Joined
May 2, 2007
Messages
4,877
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Glad I read this thread; explains a lot. Need to remind myself to stay the fuck away from cute INFJ girls :p Hell is proximity to itself, afterall.

If you proceed the way of Babylon due to ONE failed relationship attempt with an INFJ, I will beat you with a cast iron pan till you learn what real pain is.

:angry:
 

Halla74

Artisan Conquerer
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
6,898
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
My INFJ wife is the least vengeful person I have ever met. Once someone is on her shitlist, however, it is no small task to get off it. In all honesty I think a simple apology and better behavior would do it for most people that have ever been unfortunate enough to get on it, but from my experience at least 80% of adult humans are incapable of apologizing, which is unfortunate.

She has noted a few times that I am big on revenge. I don't even consciously think of it, but apparently I work it into the flow of things if I think it is deserved. :whistling:
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
She has noted a few times that I am big on revenge. I don't even consciously think of it, but apparently I work it into the flow of things if I think it is deserved. :whistling:

Even if you're not big on revenge it helps if other people suspect you are.
 

Synarch

Once Was
Joined
Oct 14, 2008
Messages
8,445
MBTI Type
ENTP
Another damn good point from Synarch. :nice:

Unpredictability is ideal. Whenever you think of fucking with me seriously my goal is to make you stop and wonder, "Would he really burn my house down and make it look like an accident while I'm away in Cancun this summer?"

Would I ever do anything like that? No, of course not. I promise. Enjoy your trip.
 
Top