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  1. #101
    Senior Member scortia's Avatar
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    I have a very very short "shit list". I'm tolerant of a lot of things, but people who have humongous egos and have no problem hurting and blaming others just so they feel propped up, they go on that list. People with no personal integrity or concern for others. I have given people like this a LONG time to see the error of their ways, because I find it astounding that anyone can be so selfish or self-deluded,... but eventually there's a big thing that happens and that becomes a breaking point.

    My "list" essentially just means I stop talking to you, and may complain about you for a while (but not nearly as much as that person does about me, apparently). Now I can spot these types immediately and I know not to waste my time with them.

    I think I have just... 2 people? And one I just sort of pity for her own ignorance. My Thinking side overtakes my Feeling side typically when it comes to things like grudges.

  2. #102
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    That explains my last failed relationship. Didn't know when to quit. Kept trying to use my will to mold things. Yeah, I've learned a lot more (because someone got me thinking this way) that things either work or they don't. The dynamic has to be natural to some degree.
    There are two extremes to relationships:

    (1) "My way or the highway"

    OR

    (2) "I'll do anything you say to keep you happy"

    Neither of these poles is healthy.

    The middle ground that is fair and equitable for both parties will only be realized if there is a sufficient dynamic to fuel (or qualm) the flames of discontent.

    Although I've never said "My way or the highway" to my wife, in the past I have been guilty of executing unilateral moves, doing as I pleased, as I thought my actions were mutually exclusive of affecting others. This is an example of acting out instead of coming to the negotiating table...

  3. #103
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    I never proactively hate or take revenge on people that been added to the list. The reaction they'll receive takes a passive stance - almost of omission from my life completely.

    Regarding interaction, if I have to talk to the person, I'll be civil. But it goes no farther than that. Short, one word answers is usually all they'll get.

    A lesser version of this is if they've made on to my angry list. If you burn me again though, you get moved from the angry list to the 'dead to me' list. While you're on the angry list, I available to you but only if you seek me out, and no more freebies.

  4. #104
    Senior Member scortia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    Regarding interaction, if I have to talk to the person, I'll be civil. But it goes no farther than that. Short, one word answers is usually all they'll get.
    Exactly this. I have friends who are still friends with an ex-friend of mine (wow that was a mouthful)... and I will not fully ignore her, but will speak as needed. Totally ignoring would likely cause turmoil over something that I've already wiped clean from my life.

  5. #105
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    There are two extremes to relationships:

    (1) "My way or the highway"

    OR

    (2) "I'll do anything you say to keep you happy"

    Neither of these poles is healthy.

    The middle ground that is fair and equitable for both parties will only be realized if there is a sufficient dynamic to fuel (or qualm) the flames of discontent.

    Although I've never said "My way or the highway" to my wife, in the past I have been guilty of executing unilateral moves, doing as I pleased, as I thought my actions were mutually exclusive of affecting others. This is an example of acting out instead of coming to the negotiating table...
    You married pretty young though didn't you? A lot of this sounds like maturity.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  6. #106
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    You married pretty young though didn't you? A lot of this sounds like maturity.
    We met at 20, and married at 35 after 5 years of being exposed to other via cohabitation.

    My default of "My way or the thighway" comes from my ESTJ Army Colonel father who was born in 1937 and is very stoic, old school, and authoritarian, but very, very cool in his own right.

    What aspect of my response do you coincide most with marrying young?

    Also, what constitutes marrying young by your definition?

    Just curious.

    Cheers friend,

    -Alex

  7. #107
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    There are two extremes to relationships:

    (1) "My way or the highway"

    OR

    (2) "I'll do anything you say to keep you happy"

    Neither of these poles is healthy.

    The middle ground that is fair and equitable for both parties will only be realized if there is a sufficient dynamic to fuel (or qualm) the flames of discontent.

    Although I've never said "My way or the highway" to my wife, in the past I have been guilty of executing unilateral moves, doing as I pleased, as I thought my actions were mutually exclusive of affecting others. This is an example of acting out instead of coming to the negotiating table...
    Is it when the sex becomes bad that the estp starts to talk about a relationship ?
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  8. #108
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Is it when the sex becomes bad that the estp starts to talk about a relationship ?
    No sir. It happens when the ESTP realizes he is in love with his mate, and not just shagging.

  9. #109
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Ouh my, .. continue !
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  10. #110
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    We met at 20, and married at 35 after 5 years of being exposed to other via cohabitation.

    My default of "My way or the thighway" comes from my ESTJ Army Colonel father who was born in 1937 and is very stoic, old school, and authoritarian, but very, very cool in his own right.

    What aspect of my response do you coincide most with marrying young?

    Also, what constitutes marrying young by your definition?

    Just curious.

    Cheers friend,

    -Alex
    I just remember you mentioning something to that effect. And, I think if you did marry young you might be expected to have problems that had nothing to do with your feelings for your wife, but that were more related to your own development as a person. See?
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

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