[INFJ] INFJ under stress

[violaine]

^Yes, it's like a reset button. I am much more clear headed when thinking about a problem after I've done something physically demanding that gets me out of my head and into my body for a while.

 

[Trefle]

Agreed, good music and a good rest seem to do the trick.

For me though, but in long cases it changes into either a sort of depressant (if you find yourself without it, the side effect sets in) or a sort of bad inspiration that change yourself completely even when the current us (the non-depressed side, of course) is not practically wrong / bad. Think of it as like the post-heartbroken rebellious phase after hearing Kelly Clarkson's Since U Been Gone, for instance. Maybe this is due to my tendency to absorb and listen to the lyrics more.... Does anyone experienced this?

Physical exercises also worked, albeit at times it backfired and I ended up thinking in the middle of an exercise and it's half-done... D:

 

[Trefle]

I agree. It's all about bottling in whatever is bothering you and trying to deal with it on your own. It's hard to talk about yourself and what you're going through with other people, especially with the ones you're close to, in fear of smothering them in things they don't understand.

And you're right about the judging part. I am my own judge, jury and executioner

Yup, that. Also the Judging part works on like this for me, "wait, I already figured out this, why should I bother them with what's already known?" while in fact, talking with others would give us more insights and PoV compared to solely rely on our own intuition, no matter how good that is. Of course, that resulted in me rolling inside more and more.

I've tried surpressing the Judging part (trying to be more Perceiving, perhaps?) but that resulted in me unable to judge at all instead, and became a mushy backless whiny wimp who begged for answers. That sucks! I guess I have to learn more.

 

[Phantonym]

For me though, but in long cases it changes into either a sort of depressant (if you find yourself without it, the side effect sets in) or a sort of bad inspiration that change yourself completely even when the current us (the non-depressed side, of course) is not practically wrong / bad. Think of it as like the post-heartbroken rebellious phase after hearing Kelly Clarkson's Since U Been Gone, for instance. Maybe this is due to my tendency to absorb and listen to the lyrics more.... Does anyone experienced this?

This is also true. That is, if you let yourself be influenced by it. Personally, I have to take the effort to absorb into the lyrics and usually I can manage to keep this sort of buffer zone. But when I'm vulnerable, it really hits me deep.

In case of songwriters who put themselves completely into their music, it is very noticeable and it definitely influences my mood as well. Take, for instance, Jeff Buckley. His melancholic lyrics can bring me to the brink of crying (I don't do it though, it just feels this way as if I'm going to cry). It is as if you're experiencing his bittersweet sorrow. But this can also be therapeutic and enjoyable. Almost experiencing the emotions while not actually being that emotional. If that makes any sense...

 

[Phantonym]

Physical exercises also worked, albeit at times it backfired and I ended up thinking in the middle of an exercise and it's half-done... D:

This happens to me when I'm trying to do yoga. I mean, yoga! You're supposed to be calm and let your mind go. And what am I doing? Thinking! About everything. My mind just races through the whole thing.

The exercise is enjoyable though and I agree that it is a great stress relief.

I guess I have to learn more.

The learning never stops. It is both frustrating and rewarding. It's a love/hate relationship

 

[intuitiveadrenalinejunkie]

i find the following to be very true...

Recognising Stress

As stress increases, 'learned behaviour' tends to give way to the natural style, so the INFJ will behave more according to type when under greater stress. For example, in a crisis, the INFJ might:

* find a place of solitude in which to think and work
* tell everyone else how well they are coping
* try to solve the long term problem, and neglect the short term
* make errors of fact, or ignore routine matters that might nevertheless be essential

Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness, the INFJ's shadow may appear - a negative form of ESTP. Example characteristics are:

* acting very impulsively, making decisions without thinking them through
* doing things to excess - e.g.: eating, drinking or exercising
* being critical of others, and finding fault with almost everything
* being preoccupied about unimportant details and doing things that have no meaning
* acting in a very materialistic and selfish way
* cutting corners, breaking the rules, and even contradicting the INFJ's own values

The shadow is part of the unconscious that is often visible to others, onto whom the shadow is projected. The INFJ may therefore readily see these faults in others without recognising it in him/her self.

from: INFJ Personality Types.

 

[Trefle]

^Ooh, nice information. Most of these happened with me although I sincerely realized it and somewhat intended it (sometimes even not during high stress), but maybe it's the concept of the shadow itself?

This is also true. That is, if you let yourself be influenced by it. Personally, I have to take the effort to absorb into the lyrics and usually I can manage to keep this sort of buffer zone. But when I'm vulnerable, it really hits me deep.

In case of songwriters who put themselves completely into their music, it is very noticeable and it definitely influences my mood as well. Take, for instance, Jeff Buckley. His melancholic lyrics can bring me to the brink of crying (I don't do it though, it just feels this way as if I'm going to cry). It is as if you're experiencing his bittersweet sorrow. But this can also be therapeutic and enjoyable. Almost experiencing the emotions while not actually being that emotional. If that makes any sense...

yes, I can get what you meant. I think it's a lack of connection between emotional responses and the experiences which triggered those; hearing an extremely emotional songs gives responses without a trigger from our own experiences (and by that, recalling the bad events, bad emotions, etc)

There's also the potential of it affecting not only emotions but also personality (using my example, maybe being "LOVE IS USELESS YEAH ROCK ON" after hearing those... or being suddenly overtly religious after hearing a religious song during stressful times), which I still dwell on but when I think about it is somewhat counterproductive because it's really impulsive and often based without much thoughts.

But on the other hand, it's also part of learning and growing, to know and learn and understand different things within different mindsets and therefore aren't useless per se.

*sighs*

And nice recommendation you gave me there. I'll try to hear some of his songs.

 

[Sniffles]

I am a little stressed at the moment due to an upcoming job with a new client. I'm a freelancer so this is a regular occurrence. Typically before a new job I will obsessively research the style of the company's work and ridiculously drill, drill, drill to make sure I have all the bases covered. Ack.

Running or doing something physically demanding is the only guaranteed way I have of coping with stress. I need a circuit breaker. I need a way to drain the anxiety. Much as I am inclined to just stop dead if I'm stressed to think and analyze, if I lie around or stand still I just get more stressed out. Running to music I love is completely uplifting.

+1

Yes it seems that stress is a regular occurance for me too, and every now and then I need to step back and relax - in order to better re-assess the situation and figure out how to move on. I too easily feel stressed and overwhelmed if I don't take a regular break now and then.

And yes physical excercise of some form is a must. At the very least, a gentle walk through the neighborhood will do wonders.

 

[Fairy...]

Yes, exercise is a must. Over the last few days I've been able to get into my normal exercise routine. Back to work this week and feeling amazing! Stress and worries have decreased considerably compared to the last few weeks.
Able to focus a lot better now and not get so caught up in minor details. It's amazing what a bit of exercise can do for you...it really is!

 

[the state i am in]

exercise is good bc you just pay attention to your body and improve yourself physically, it is easier to make less negative connections and get caught in a shitty mental map that you feel like is impossible to get out of, you jsut have more energy and more accuracy mentally, which we as Ni doms need. so is sleep, eating right, herbal teas, yoga and stretching, etc.

two things:
as Fe aux users we use a holistic lens to judge our environment, experience, context, etc. we get bogged down when we feel overwhelmed by this total disharmony that requires so much maneuvering and care that we don't know where to begin, that it seems like will take all of our energies. this is where Ti comes to play. get things into perspective, right-brained big picture, overall schema, etc. draw some causal connections, get some building blocks in place to figure out what to do.

we have to be careful of attending to Fe in a healhty and sane way, otherwise our Ti can be a hindrance and it can be used to draw FALSE causal connections and make justifications that are not in line with the big picture that is more true to ourselves and the situation. sometimes NiFe can't solve it, so you need some Ti to kick in. but you have to stay attnetive to Fe and maintain awareness of it, allow yourself to work yourself into a better emotional/physical place so that you can calm down and use your introverted resources to FIX it. but definitely a little steam-release via some sort of extraverted activity is great, musical therapy, running/Se, sex, warmth from friends, massage from an so, it all helps kind of stabilize and release pressure so that you can move around and explore enough to take on the problem.

 

[TaylorS]

When I'm stressed out I can easily blow a fuse and start going on angry rants or have a bout of sobbing. I'll have trouble focusing and I become painfully hypersensitive to certain sensory stimuli and will find it hard to comprehend what people are saying.

 

[tibby]

 

[staytuned7]

Oh man...do I agree to the "tunnel vision" thing or what!

When I get stressed, I feel this sort of hysterical desperation to keep on ploughing through whatever it is I'm working on with all my energy and attention (even if the end is nowhere in sight). This generally just makes me more stressed and is downright exhausting! This happens, especially, when I am very attracted to an idea/event/outcome and something comes in the way of its realisation. I get rather unattractively stubborn.

If I get stressed from being in a social setting for too long I will completely shut down. This is really only especially true with social settings where there's conflict, lots of very different people (or lots of sensing types...I'm sorry for saying it, but it's how I feel most of the time ), or little personable interaction. Normally, I radiate my love and happiness to those around me, but if I'm not given the chance to recharge, I become cold and hard. I think it's shocking to many people who are so used to me being open and warm! My very good friends understand this about me, though, and I cannot be happier for that.

Still, I feel bad when I get like that. I don't want anyone to think that it's something they did....it's just that that's who I am! Hahaha...darn this F. If I were an INTJ, I wouldn't care so much

 

[nightning]

I don't think I get tunnel vision... I do get hysterical/inability to focus when stressed. I found what works best for me is to tell myself that it doesn't need to be solved right at that moment. There's time to get it done. Usually it's good to have alone time away from people. Because I tend to be irritable and say things that I don't mean to.

 

[the state i am in]

i think the tunnel vision and the total overwhelm are part of the same process of losing the ability to fluidly switch perspectives and use the best skillset we have (Ni) to its best ability. we lose sight of getting good information and calmly processing, start rushing or hesitating/over-thinking/second-guessing, stop integrating our functions in the rhythm they were made to work and shit starts breaking/mis-firing. and one of the other functions hijacks the whole system and starts spasming with fatigue/exhaustion/overdrawnness.

 

[Saffronsocks]

I lose sight of my white, calm core and completely forget that oh... maybe a few hours ago I could see blue skies for the next 5 years. I tend to withdraw very rapidly from the world for periods of stress, convince myself that I'm socially inept when that's furthest from the truth. I watch a HELL of a lot of Nigella Lawson cooking videos on Youtube. She's very comforting.

Other actual behaviours, in the interest of type science - I eat food angrily without tasting it, let housework completely slide, stop making eye contact with people, have been known to cry while typing the first page or so of an important paper, gain a pound or two/stop eating altogether, carry around this nervous energy that practically crackles, groom myself impeccably. Oh, and bake cookies! That last one is a fairly nice symptom, actually, all things considered.

 

[Skyward]

I tend to walk to clear my head and realign the agenda in my head. I tend to get stressed when there is an abnormal amount of things to do in the amount of time I have. I need to feel like I can do it in order to move forward.

 

[Twixt]

Does talking to certain people ever help you INFJs? Like your SO or a trusted, good friend? Would you ever let them in to help?

I am getting the impression INFJs prefer to sort things out on their own. Noticing you guys turn to solitary activities to de-stress.

 

[Phantonym]

Does talking to certain people ever help you INFJs? Like your SO or a trusted, good friend? Would you ever let them in to help?

I am getting the impression INFJs prefer to sort things out on their own. Noticing you guys turn to solitary activities to de-stress.

I'm always wary of talking to other people when something's up with me. They have to be very, very, very close to me if I do that. It always feels like there is no possibility that they really understand what I'm talking about. And I don't want to bother people and make them uncomfortable. So, I guess it is about the solitary me-time needed to think things through and find solutions to problems. But there's a downside too, the monster called overthinking.

 

[nightning]

Does talking to certain people ever help you INFJs? Like your SO or a trusted, good friend? Would you ever let them in to help?

I am getting the impression INFJs prefer to sort things out on their own. Noticing you guys turn to solitary activities to de-stress.

For temporary panics, talking to somebody doesn't really help. I pace... and if somebody tries to interrupt me, I snap at them. It's better if I'm allowed a bit of time to calm myself before they offer help. You'll have to be really close to get me to tell you what's wrong before that stage. Even then, don't expect anything cohesive out of me.