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Thread: Frustrated ENFJ

  1. #81
    Member shimsham's Avatar
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    So I readily admit that I'm not all that well-versed in MBTI, but from what I've read of ENFJs it seems like you guys pretty much have everything going for yourselves.

    What makes you frustrated? I just found out that my boyfriend is ENFJ, so I'm curious what problems commonly arise for the type.

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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    There *is* no upshot. There really really isn't.

    You will always be too intense. Too isolated. Too "much". Too solitary. You're none of the ESFJ good things, you're none of the INFJ good things.

    Enjoy your shock collar.

    Yikes, what happened, the other day I saw a post by you claiming to like your ENFJ, what caused the change?

    There are certainly upsides to ENFJ, the fact that you actually think like this is one. Self-Doubt is a good thing, and if more people had it the world would be a kinder and better place.


    "Well. It just seems to me that I'm constantly getting told that I'm too much even when I'm behaving myself. ESFJs are grounded and fun. INFJs are mysterious and sparkly."

    Hey what about ENFP? Just kidding.

    Well this is an ENF thing I am sure, this happens to me too. I frequently get frustrated and wish I was someone else, this is a strength though too, being able to understand your weaknesses.

    My suggestion is take their comments and try and change, don't be stubborn, tone it down. If you don't think you need to change and everyone else does, this is going to cause you internal (and external) strife. You have to make a decision about what you need to do if this comes up, do you do what you think you should do, or what others think you should do?

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    Senior Member Happyman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    I know I'm not the only ENFJ who feels as if they get doused with water with some frequency. I remember having a conversation with Protean ages ago -- she and I were chafed by the whole "just calm down" statement even when we aren't upset.
    OMG! It's a story of my life. It pissed me off big way, so I've learned to just respond: 'Me? I'm calm. You should calm down!' Absurd behaviour, but at least they got as confused as I was.

    Yeah, we're intensive. And to make it funnier - unaware of that. To make it even worse, there aren't too much people similar to us, so we feel.. different. That's why this formu rocks so much!

    I was regularly told that I have something 'demonic' in my eyes (the dracula-eye-brows ain't helping too).
    My friend once told me that when I enter a room, the whole vibe changes (which can create or kill a party, depending on my mood).

    *Shouts: 'Oh, thank God! I'm not alone!' in Bill Hicks kinda manner.*
    "Act as though it was impossible to fail."
    Dorothea Brande

    I started a real blog!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Happyman View Post
    OMG! It's a story of my life. It pissed me off big way, so I've learned to just respond: 'Me? I'm calm. You should calm down!' Absurd behaviour, but at least they got as confused as I was.

    Yeah, we're intensive. And to make it funnier - unaware of that. To make it even worse, there aren't too much people similar to us, so we feel.. different. That's why this formu rocks so much!

    I was regularly told that I have something 'demonic' in my eyes (the dracula-eye-brows ain't helping too).
    My friend once told me that when I enter a room, the whole vibe changes (which can create or kill a party, depending on my mood).

    *Shouts: 'Oh, thank God! I'm not alone!' in Bill Hicks kinda manner.*


    Yeah, I know an ENFJ who always says that "People are constantly telling me to calm down, and I am not emotional".

    I think sometimes since ENFJs are Fe dominant, it just comes out of them naturally. Even when you are stimulated, it isn't a big deal for you, so other people tend to take it maybe too personally. That said, I think ENFs could use a dose of calming down from time to time, so maybe this isn't such a bad thing. Still, I am sure it get's annoying as hell.

    "'Me? I'm calm. You should calm down!'"

    Lol, that's funny. Great response. Ahh irony.

    Don't let it bother you, Ns are frequently misunderstood, we are a minority and minorities are always misunderstood, I wouldn't let it bother you too much.
    Last edited by Goatman455; 09-21-2009 at 01:27 AM.

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    I'm intense. I've been told by other people that I'm too much sometimes, but it's only when I feel strongly about something. I don't go around in an overly extroverted manner seeking people to help or anything, but yeah, I'm intense. I've had people in my classes at school get annoyed because I get so passionate about certain issues.

    I don't know if that's the kind of "intense" we're talking about here though.

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    Member MmmCrazy's Avatar
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    AHHHHH I can't keep up with this thread!

    when I started to reach dating age, I got a whole other level of "control" flung at me from guys who apparently either wanted to throw a saddle on my back or make me feel insecure by criticizing my personality.

    ^THIS! Pink, this totally happened to me, too! > It does feel like rejection! I hate it!

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    Senior Member nynesneg's Avatar
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    I didn't mean to scare that woman! Apparently I could read aloud the panel on a cereal box and sound intense.
    Awwww... I know this isn't want you intended, but that came across particularly funny. I can just imagine you now as being an amazing actor reading the panel of a cereal box in a commercial.

    I keep mine on because I hate the idea that I'm, by nature, harmful to people. How can that be? That can't be right.
    I have always been afraid of the Choleric tendencies.(switching to a different personality matrix for a moment) I was mortified at the thought I could naturally be a domineering controlling insensitive person, because I was so resentful of growing up with a dominant parent. In my personality tests I always showed up Sanguine-Melancholy, because I never wanted to be Choleric. Only in my teens did I realize it could be a good thing to be someone "destined to be a mover and shaker of society" as an adult friend explained. As long as I can be the "benevolent ruler" personality, which doesn't step over people's feelings accidentally then I'm content.

    I resent the inference that it's MY fault that someone is feeling overwhelmed when I'm hardly cracking the throttle. I get simultaneously embarrassed and angry. It's a form of rejection.
    But it's a part of who we are. Just think, when we are healthy ENFJs with such extraoarinary enthusiasm and passion, we can make someone's world infinitely better. It is a powerful gift we hold, which in the right circumstances can benefit tremendously.
    I can however completely relate. The most frustrating time for me was when I was younger, coming out of depression, and deeply seeking a religious christian experience. I have never felt such intense desire in my life, it was absolutely incredible! Unfortunately for me an adult confidant (ENFP) told me I was such an intense person I drove people close to me away from me just because of this. (wtf?!) She told me that "however she could understand", and apparently she was the only one who I hadn't "driven away" yet.

    I'm intense. I've been told by other people that I'm too much sometimes, but it's only when I feel strongly about something.
    Yeah, I can relate to that. But I think for ENFJs it's almost even more than that, perhaps general intensity in our eyes and voice which conveys our emotions at a given time.


    Yeah, we're intensive. And to make it funnier - unaware of that. To make it even worse, there aren't too much people similar to us, so we feel.. different. That's why this forum rocks so much!
    Yep. I'd love to meet another ENFJ here. Perhaps I even know some, but I'm just in denial of my personality having potential to be something I admire as the other ENFJs I might know.

  8. #88
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    There *is* no upshot. There really really isn't.

    You will always be too intense. Too isolated. Too "much". Too solitary. You're none of the ESFJ good things, you're none of the INFJ good things.

    Enjoy your shock collar.
    Aww, enjoy your ENFJness! From what I've seen in real life and read here, y'all are charming, ambitious, almost always "on" (holy crap, do you know how exhausting it is for an INFJ to be "on" for extended periods?), and know how to take life by the balls. Sometimes I contemplate taking life by the balls... but then I think about how much energy it would take and how many people I'd have to talk to....

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    A Benign Tumor PoprocksAndCoke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Well. It just seems to me that I'm constantly getting told that I'm too much even when I'm behaving myself. ESFJs are grounded and fun. INFJs are mysterious and sparkly.

    I fall in a bad place between them. The hard parts.
    I love you.
    "In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present." -Francis Bacon

    "No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible." -George Chakiris

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    Member MmmCrazy's Avatar
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    My INFP friends always look at me and say "breaaaaathe" when I'm complaining about something small. It always catches me off guard, as in, was I freaking out? I didn't think I was. Apparently I've hurt others feelings by being "very aggressive" when I thought I was just asking a simple question.

    How much of ourselves are we supposed to hold back before we can be accepted? ): I'd like to know...

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