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Thread: Frustrated ENFJ

  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by IDK123 View Post
    I really like ENFJs. I am rather envious of their charisma and charm.
    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    And we are envious of your cosmic minerals and therefore must lick them off like deranged butterflies from outer space.
    Sheesh Pink Piranha! You should embrace the ENFJ personality type! It's like Oprah! Everyone loves her!

  2. #62
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    My enfp sister told me last night that the Cyclops sunglasses were to protect people from what they THINK enfjs are like, not what we ARE like. I found that to be a very interesting statement.
    Well, people are afraid of what they don't understand, or more so, of what they do understand but find overwhelming, eg their own emotions and the emotions of others. I can't imagine wishing to be hermetically sealed into a world without feelings, or without others to illicit emotions from me, so I don't understand the whole " tone it down " thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Thursday View Post
    especially so - remember the Fe and vulnerability thing we discussed?
    the what they "think" vs. "are" is another mechanism to protect them from us

    "my heart has some dangerous neighborhoods, so beware where you try to go"
    Ani DiFranco
    If a person is honest with themselves about their own emotional state, their own emotional needs, then another person, "intense" or not, will not be able to pull things out of them that they didn't know were there. The threat isn't real.

  3. #63
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tenINsFJ View Post
    Sheesh Pink Piranha! You should embrace the ENFJ personality type! It's like Oprah! Everyone loves her!
    Don't get anyone started on THAT can of grubs.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  4. #64
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    If a person is honest with themselves about their own emotional state, their own emotional needs, then another person, "intense" or not, will not be able to pull things out of them that they didn't know were there. The threat isn't real.
    No one asked you to come in here and say something insightful.
    But yeah, so very true.
    I N V I C T U S

  5. #65
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thursday View Post
    No one asked you to come in here and say something insightful.
    But yeah, so very true.
    Well, fine mister! Looks like *someone* in here is afraid of their own inner emotional state.

  6. #66
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    i know three enfjs irl. two of them i thought were infps until last week i was watching a billy corgan interview and i realized they were all the same person ('cept they're nicer). they have a difficult time and struggle much. they rely on Se to blow off some steam (bike rides! drugs! fixin' thangs!) and can't seem to get a handle on how Ni can really work to balance their Fe dominant function.

    i think it's similar to entjs. Ni helps undo some of the tight tight grasp of extraverted judging (Te or Fe). this is needed to provide a balancing tension to life, an ebb and flow. to unwind some of the extremely taut wire and give a little slack, a little give. to let go of the intense personal identification with the judgments used in Fe or Te and just breathe them in and breathe them out until something new has arrived.

    it is a lot easier for the enjs who focus on smaller battles than the ones who identify with the world in bigger and bigger bites. same for all njs in that regard, really. the desire to conquer and to impact and to make change IS the wall you keep banging your head into. it is an over-reliance on judgment or perception, an over-reliance on introversion or extraversion. the foundation is built between the pull of these two things (doubly articulated a la the lenore thomson book), that provides more realistic, practical, here and now expectations.

    also, find people that appreciate you and, when possible, learn how to say fuck off to the rest. N types will dig you, F types will appreciate who you are (even if they get exhausted by you at times). realizing that you are probably the most volatile of all types in terms of emotional currents is helpful for giving perspective to the FeNi interpretations that you get from others. you are NOT defective just bc you are difficult or challenging. you know this. with that said, THIS question is the primary one you have to address as you negotiate your social identity with your introverted understanding of who you are. balancing these two aspects is what psychological health and integration are all about. and yes, easier said than done!

    really tho, pair it down if you have to, focus on the people who help build you up. surely you have many of them, stop getting distracted by what you are not and what you perceive others to want so much when many people receive you very enthusiastically for what you are. babies + bathwater, etc. and when you feel yourself losing control try writing it out. try directing that into something that will contain you and that will make you objectively proud of yourself. it seems very feasible.

  7. #67
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Teaching and performing could be excellent outlets for intensity. I'd suggest ENFJs who feel stifled should perhaps get involved with community theater. You have to be larger than life to make an impact on the stage. The audience will only absorb about a tenth of the emotion projected on the stage, so the performer has to focus and be an order of magnitude larger than life even when expressing in an understated way.

    Years ago I directed a large scale musical and had some trouble getting everyone on the same page. I got some advice from a professional director who came in and directed one rehearsal. It was shocking and enlightening. Her intensity was like two orders of magnitude beyond what you might want an audience member to experience. She was literally an electric shock-wave. I realized that she had to overstate in order to get the actor's level of intensity raised high enough above the audience to make an impact.

    Teaching is similar. Being too subdued makes everyone fall asleep. My first teaching gig was a music appreciation course, and it was basically nap-time. They were dropping like flies. I've gotten better since then, but EFJs would be quite natural in such a setting. I can now do the intensity thing if scripted, but have always admired my peers for whom it comes naturally. Most situations where you need to get a group of people to focus, it requires someone who can be larger than life and be like a magnifying glass focusing the light rays into a single point.

    EDIT: I actually think part of the reason why the performing arts exist is because people are often stuck in the mind-numbing ruts of habit and sometimes stop feeling anything. They need people who can help them feel again. On a social level I think Fe dominants can also do this for people, and it can help in a really important way. Their depth of feeling can be like the sun that sparks growth and life on every thing it touches.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

    I want to be just like my mother, even if she is bat-shit crazy.

  8. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Grand Chameleon View Post
    Not to be alarmed, for an ENFJ thrives on stressors that ultimately lead to self-improvement.
    Can you or someone else expound upon this? I think I relate to it.. but I'm not quite sure.

  9. #69
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greed View Post
    Can you or someone else expound upon this? I think I relate to it.. but I'm not quite sure.
    I believe what chameleon is saying is that as ENFJs we naturally take on a lot of stress. Both from the lives we live and the lives of others. Through this we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to meet the ideas we have in our crazy heads which according to chameleon leads to self-improvement.
    "That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can."

  10. #70
    Senior Member The Grand Chameleon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpottingTrains View Post
    I believe what chameleon is saying is that as ENFJs we naturally take on a lot of stress. Both from the lives we live and the lives of others. Through this we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to meet the ideas we have in our crazy heads which according to chameleon leads to self-improvement.
    "In the game of chess, you can never let your opponent see your pieces."

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