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Thread: Frustrated ENFJ

  1. #41
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    There is nothing wrong with intensity, as long as you can properly direct it.
    Yes, but I think interpersonally, one on one, it's referred to as "drama," or in Fe speak "clingy" and "dependent." How does one properly direct intensity in intimate relationships? I guess people like it in the bedroom, but what do it's other incarnations look like that doesn't set people off? I think that when it's dispersed among a group of people no one person is getting the brunt of it. It's like Cyclops from X-men always wear your shades and nobody gets hurt.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Yes, but I think interpersonally, one on one, it's referred to as "drama," or in Fe speak "clingy" and "dependent." How does one properly direct intensity in intimate relationships? I guess people like it in the bedroom, but what do it's other incarnations look like that doesn't set people off? I think that when it's dispersed among a group of people no one person is getting the brunt of it. It's like Cyclops from X-men always wear your shades and nobody gets hurt.
    Back off woman! Dang! All I did was make a post!






















  3. #43
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    It's like Cyclops from X-men always wear your shades and nobody gets hurt.
    Precisely.

    I was speaking to an ISTP about a private matter, issues pertaining to one's personality and the speed bumps because of it. His personality, even amongst his type, is very special and specific, like a super model he's 1% of the 1%. The way he's built to function inclines him toward endurance of the extremes and not just endurance but thriving in them. Not every ISTP is Bond, but he is, and I found it interesting that he was initially perplexed by this, like there was something wrong with him.

    There's nothing wrong with him. He's just very very different. One day he'll become some sort of legendary figure. Just a matter of time really.

    Enfjs -Why do we option to keep the shades on? Why do we have to go to that unnatural length to "protect" people from what we are? What's so wrong with us? I keep mine on because I hate the idea that I'm, by nature, harmful to people. How can that be? That can't be right.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  4. #44
    Senior Member The Grand Chameleon's Avatar
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    Intensity, how it is seen by the masses, is usually equated with some erratic expression of emotion or action. While introverts might undergo intensity by your definition (which is also mine), they don't necessarily undergo intensity by the former one. Introverts direct this intensity inwards, while we express it outwards. It is thus extremely able for witnesses to observe our type and wish for us to control it. Rather than take it personally and beat yourself up, treat it as a simple matter of semantics and you'll be pillaging villages without a care in the world.

    Enfjs -Why do we option to keep the shades on? Why do we have to go to that unnatural length to "protect" people from what we are? What's so wrong with us? I keep mine on because I hate the idea that I'm, by nature, harmful to people. How can that be? That can't be right.
    I like to think Cyclops wears those glasses so that he is better able to control that chaos spurting from his retinas. He knows, like in your case, that if left unchecked his nature is innately harmful to those around him. But what did he do? He embraced the glasses, directed his focus towards manipulating his, "curse," and it then became a, "gift." He now uses it to save those same lives that were once in danger of it. And I guarantee you at that moment where your intensity will save someone, his/her tongue will be kept sharply in check.
    "In the game of chess, you can never let your opponent see your pieces."

  5. #45
    Senior Member The Grand Chameleon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    I disagree with this. ENFJs much more than any type IMO, must guard against vengeful behavior. When feeling insecure it's fairly easy for them to work their Fe coupled with Ni to pull strings behind the scenes and cause confusion. Whenever I have an issue with an ENFJ, such deceptive behavior is usually the main cause of it. I don't think your advice would be the solution to frustration; it would be the cause of more frustration once others realize what's going on and begin to distrust/dislike the ENFJ.
    Where an ESFJ might manipulate for personal gain, the ENFJ will manipulate for the greater cause. It is up to the manipulee (s) to understand the larger picture, and take pride in knowing they are but one cell of many working to keep the body alive.

    One a side note, my humor is not conducive to you? D=
    "In the game of chess, you can never let your opponent see your pieces."

  6. #46
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Grand Chameleon View Post
    Where an ESFJ might manipulate for personal gain, the ENFJ will manipulate for the greater cause.
    Or what they see as the greater cause. Which is highly subjective and at times, very questionable.

    It is up to the manipulee (s) to understand the larger picture, and take pride in knowing they are but one cell of many working to keep the body alive.
    People are not pawns in the ENFJ's game of life chess.

    One a side note, my humor is not conducive to you? D=
    I think you're quite hilarious. But I don't want anyone to take your jokes seriously

  7. #47
    Member g_vartan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    ...
    Enfjs -Why do we option to keep the shades on? Why do we have to go to that unnatural length to "protect" people from what we are? What's so wrong with us? I keep mine on because I hate the idea that I'm, by nature, harmful to people. How can that be? That can't be right.
    here are some of my reasons:

    we keep the shades on to make others happy. we hold back. a lot. my external persona is pretty opposite to what i think/feel about myself.

    honestly, i'm not really "protecting" others. i'm really trying to protect myself. sad to say, i derive my a lot happiness from others. its harder to keep up though as i get older. i sometimes think i spread myself too thin so that i don't have to be too intense and focus my attention just on one issue/person.

    what's wrong with us? we care too much about everything/others. there's a lot of insecurity underneath the facade. i sometimes wish i was an xNTx and can hang-up my ENFJ cape. fortunately or unfortunately, this is the only way i know how to live -- with intensity and passion. my motto tends to be "go big or go home." i find that the key is finding folks that can handle that intensity. currently, i have it in nice bite size intensity chunks spread among my friends. now, if i can only find a romantic partner who can handle the whole intense meal

  8. #48
    Senior Member The Grand Chameleon's Avatar
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    I think you're quite hilarious. But I don't want anyone to take your jokes seriously
    I concur. If anyone should seriously take my humor as the infallible word of a higher power, *insert joke*

    I shall remember the name Lauren Ashley. Mainly because it is the only first and last name I've come across, but also because you make stress on my modus operandi. Not to be alarmed, for an ENFJ thrives on stressors that ultimately lead to self-improvement.
    "In the game of chess, you can never let your opponent see your pieces."

  9. #49
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Grand Chameleon View Post
    I shall remember the name Lauren Ashley. Mainly because it is the only first and last name I've come across, but also because you make stress on my modus operandi.
    It's actually a two-word first name. But carry on my Hawaiian ENFJ Care Bear. You're on a roll.

  10. #50
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Enfjs -Why do we option to keep the shades on? Why do we have to go to that unnatural length to "protect" people from what we are? What's so wrong with us? I keep mine on because I hate the idea that I'm, by nature, harmful to people. How can that be? That can't be right.
    I watched Fringe and then thought of my friend who is an ENFJ to come up with this :

    ENFJs are inverted empaths
    meaning that their emotions affect the outer world, precisely.
    When you feel down, the whole room is in the pits
    When you are levitating, the room is flying.
    I N V I C T U S

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