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Thread: Frustrated ENFJ

  1. #31
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    I know I'm not the only ENFJ who feels as if they get doused with water with some frequency. I remember having a conversation with Protean ages ago -- she and I were chafed by the whole "just calm down" statement even when we aren't upset.
    The Progressive Auto insurance girl amuses me to no end!
    She's bubbly and beaming, high-volume, with a flip of dark hair and a face like a lollipop. She irks as she endears, bemuses as she bewitches. She's a bundle of energetic contradictions, bursting here, retracting there. Her expressions blink and change like a neon sign. Her eyes are popping globes. And she just sold you a bunch of car insurance.
    The thing about her is she always starts off OK, people are beguiled and they're with her. But then she really gets into it, and she's one inch into being in it, but she's really enjoying herself and then she gets The Look. And then she's awkward, but she was just enjoying herself. Even though the commercials are just for fun, I think they're actually pretty good examples of when people feel like ENFJs may be going into the CALM DOWN mode. But once again, I don't the she ever felt out of control she's just being enthusiastic. I haven't tried to type this character I think it's a good example of when the Freakout begins.

    [YOUTUBE="Z068uWxOfz0"]checkout[/YOUTUBE]

    [YOUTUBE="zc2H84fO7DQ"]smells like freedom[/YOUTUBE]

    [YOUTUBE="Zr7N4t91qMs"]part-ay![/YOUTUBE]
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  2. #32
    Magical BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Cat - this is exactly what I mean, the "you're overwhelming" thing. It simply doesn't seem fair that Introverts get to say this to us because I've been overrun by Introverts too, ones that are amazingly intense and concentrated, and yet they seem to avoid the label somehow. Even my perfectly pleasant ENFP sister gets the "simmer down" comment and I know for a fact that she in no way deserves it. I hate it when people try to stifle her.

    No, I resent it. The inference that it's MY fault that someone is feeling overwhelmed when I'm hardly cracking the throttle. I get simultaneously embarrassed and angry. It's a form of rejection.
    I can definitely see how you resent it... It sounds very frustrating.

    By the way this has also helped me see the issue "from the other side", since before coming here I had no idea why my mom was the way she was, or why we had these conflicts, or why all of this happened. She also calls it "rejection", that exact word, when I say that I can't handle her for too long (she and I have extensively talked out our issues, this wasn't just a mean comment I threw out there).

    I think with the intense introverts thing though it's a different kind of intensity. Maybe that's why they avoid the tag. An analogy for this you could say would be someone who is totally openly racist, and someone who only thinks racist thoughts. They are both racist, yet the person who is open about it is labeled a "racist" person.

    Again I wish I knew how to help you.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  3. #33
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    lol @ the racist analogy. That's both strange and somehow workable. *laughs* TY for your honesty and your thoughts on the matter.

    My ENTJ bff Athena started dating an extroverted senser because she's constantly being accused of being too much. He doesn't seem to be bothered by it. She called me recently frustrated out of her mind because the powerful vibe of her nature and intelligence seems to isolate her no matter how hard she tries to be conciliatory or "toned down".

    Not only does she feel as if she's failed to be pleasing to those she wishes to please, she gets upset because she's just being Athena and somehow it's a strike against her. Built-in failure?? What is that - some kind of nasty joke?
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  4. #34
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Who are these weaklings complaining about intense behavior? Screw them, befriend me! I've also been accused of intense behavior, but not in the same way you have.

  5. #35
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Lauren - I was talking to BlackCat aside, and I mentioned that I have a passel of VERY intense INFJ friends. They're practically shaking sometimes they get so jacked up about things - good and bad. I relate very very strongly to their passion. I personally admire it and don't find it off-putting in the least. Athena's bf, spotting an email from me, smiled and said, "Is that the angry girl?" and Athena laughed and laughed, and said, "She's not angry!! She's in my berserker Viking boat! C'mon!"

    You can be our friend!! lol Athena and I (and Jaye too) are happy to have you! Maybe we could try cooking marshmallows with our laser eyes.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  6. #36
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Lauren - I was talking to BlackCat aside, and I mentioned that I have a passel of VERY intense INFJ friends. They're practically shaking sometimes they get so jacked up about things - good and bad. I relate very very strongly to their passion. I personally admire it and don't find it off-putting in the least.
    I can relate to that. Good to know someone doesn't find this type of passion unnecessary and absurd.

    You can be our friend!! lol Athena and I (and Jaye too) are happy to have you! Maybe we could try cooking marshmallows with our laser eyes.
    Yay! Jaye is more awesome than awesome. I love spunky ENxPs. I gravitate towards them because we always have fun together.

  7. #37
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Sis is quite fond on INFJs herself. lol This should be fun. You and Jaye can have ENFP-INFJ fun-E timez whilst Athena and I raid a village before dinner.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
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  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    You have a point, Sky. I'm chewing the furniture and licking my fur off for lack of decent employment of myself.

    I do a lot of writing.

    Cat - this is exactly what I mean, the "you're overwhelming" thing. It simply doesn't seem fair that Introverts get to say this to us because I've been overrun by Introverts too, ones that are amazingly intense and concentrated, and yet they seem to avoid the label somehow. Even my perfectly pleasant ENFP sister gets the "simmer down" comment and I know for a fact that she in no way deserves it. I hate it when people try to stifle her.

    No, I resent it. The inference that it's MY fault that someone is feeling overwhelmed when I'm hardly cracking the throttle. I get simultaneously embarrassed and angry. It's a form of rejection.
    You ever read much about emotional vampirism? The idea that there are some people who have allowed the world/otherpeople/ self to kill or murder the vital, alive, feeling part of themselves and then they go on to try and douse/kill the vital part of others?

    Sounds faniciful, until one starts looking at people in the world around them.

    And well, you know how scary intense I can be...I often hold myself back from others as well and I've had hurtful comments made by people close to me about being too intense...my mother being one. It is just being introverted I just don't have the energy to be that way very much of the time externally, it all stays inside, that's how introverts avoid the label to some degree but I can't imagine too many dominant feelers who don't have their intense sides and who don't at times receive flack for it.

  9. #39
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Sis is quite fond on INFJs herself. lol This should be fun. You and Jaye can have ENFP-INFJ fun-E timez whilst Athena and I raid a village before dinner.
    An ENTJ-ENFJ duo? Why haven't you taken over the world yet? I assume that must still be in the works.

  10. #40
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    There is nothing wrong with intensity, as long as you can properly direct it.

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